Confused- Please DO NOT Judge

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would have an abortion probably. I would not want to deal with custodial issues with an abusive partner, nor would I feel good about bringing a child into the world with a potentially abusive father.

I don’t believe in abortion usually. I guess HONESTLY I wouldn’t have one, I would raise it by myself, file a police repot to document the abuse and then fight like hell to have his parental/visitation rights taken away when the child was born. But I sure would consider it…..

Post # 4
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Also I’m really sorry this happened to you. How terrible. Whatever you decide, don’t rush into a decision now. You are emotional and fragile. I would go away for a few weeks and think about it.

Post # 5
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Document everything, OP. If you decide to go ahead with this pregnancy, you may need proof down the road of what your ex did to you. Don’t hide what happened – tell, photograph, call the police, NOW. Then, if you need some back up, there will be a record. Hang in there. (hugs)

Post # 7
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Blessed68:  Sweetie I am SO sorry you are going throug this. You do need to stay away from him for your own safty. Never even consider going back to him. It will be hard but you can do it. What you decide to do about the pregnancy is your choice and no one can tell you different. Praying and talking to close family and friends is the best way to get through this. I will tell you this, you CAN raise a baby all on your own. I did it for the first 4 years of my daughters life with out ANY help from her father. There is nothing wrong with that. I hope you can get through this.

Post # 8
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

First of all, you need to go to the police. Secondly, I wouldn’t abort a child because the of the parents behavior. It’s not the kids fault that you two decided to try for a baby on purpose and the relationship is awful. I would get a restraining order and an order of protection and leave and raise my child. I feel that it’s unfair to end a baby’s life because the two adults who wanted the baby can’t seem to work it out.

Post # 9
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m sorry you are going thru this *hug* but you need to figure out what your going to do and now. The abuse is not going to stop. It will only get worse. You and only you can make the decision whether you want to keep the pregnancy or not. But for the safety of yourself pack your things and go. Do you have family you can turn to? I’m sure there is some one willing to give you a helping hand. 

Post # 10
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

That’s tough..either decision you make you will have to live with for the rest of your life, you have to decide which one can you live with the most/least. Definitely get as far away from your abusive ex as possible though…

Post # 11
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yeahhhh, I’d call the cops and press charges then get a protective order.  Move in with a trusted friend or family member.  I would probably keep the baby, but there is no way in hell I’d let the partner be involved in my life or that of my child, not without a LOT of counseling and therapy.  Even then, I’d prefer the visits to be supervised.

Anyway, I have family nearby so I feel like I would have an adequate support system in place to help me through a rough time.  I don’t think I’d have the abortion but that is not to say that I am in any way pro-life.  I believe in a woman’s right to choose, but I just think I would choose to keep the baby.

I think if you have family you could talk to that might help you make your decision.  No matter what you decide to do, it is the right decision for you.  It is no one else’s place to judge you, your life, or your choices.  You’re right to get as far away from that bastard as you can.  You have to establish a support system to fall back on so you don’t end up being his punching bag.  Nobody deserves that.

 

Post # 12
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@chercee:  You are dead on there, OP, you MUST docuement everything. Even if you don’t keep the baby. Make a police report right away!

Post # 13
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

@Blessed68:  No one should ever judge you for thinking about having or actually having an abortion. Make the decision that is right for you and don’t let other people’s beliefs stand in the way of your personal decisions and growth. If it’s not the time or situation for a child, you don’t have to bring a child into the world. I had an abortion in May of this year, and although it was the right decision for us, it still hurt, but the hurt has faded considerably in the intervening months.

I hope you decide what’s best for you.

Post # 14
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Blessed68:  No judgement.  You didn’t ask for that and don’t deserve it. 

1−800−799−SAFE(7233)  http://www.thehotline.org/

Whatever happens, you won’t be alone.  If you raise your child, you two will be together.  You said you sister was in a similar situation – I’m sure she’d be there to support you.  You have any other family?  The should be able to help you plan an escape.  Friends, family, coworkers, couselors at a domestic abuse hotline or workers at a women’s shelter – there are people there to help you.

You’re so right, you should not raise a child in that environment.  What does that teach a child?  That it’s ok to hit mom?  No.  Raise a child alone and you teach him/her that mom is a badass who loves me more than anything. 

I know several friends who, through no fault of their own, found themselves single while pregnant or with young children.  It’s possible to find love again, and once YOU get some counselling you can find someone who will actually love you.

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Anyone who would judge you for having an abortion in these circumstances is an asshole, end of story. Don’t let that get in the way of doing what is right for you.

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