(Closed) CONFUSED, PLEASE HELP. FFIL issues.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Whether or not you decide to invite your fiance’s father, do not invite his fiancee.  I don’t care what the etiquette rules are.  He’ll be lucky to get an invitation for himself after walking out on his family.

Post # 5
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If this were me, I would honestly make my FI decide. I would let him know that you’re there to help if he needs it when making the decision, but this is his family and he’s the one with the ties to his dad so it’s really more appropriate for him to make that decision.

Having said that, if that’s not an option then I would sit down with FI, FMIL, FBIL, or anyone else you think is important and have a discussion about it. Like I said, I don’t think it’s really fair to pin the decision on you so I think a group discussion/decision would be better.

Post # 6
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If the dad’s fiancée is worth him missing his own son’s wedding, it doesn’t sound like it would be much of a loss if he wasn’t there.

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Obviously, I think this is something your fiance should decide for himself. It’s his father, so he’s the one that’s going to regret it in 10 years if his dad is or isn’t invited. As for inviting your FFIL’s fiancee, I think your fiance should have a talk with his dad about how the whole family feels about him and his new partner. If your fiance and his dad truly are close, then the dad should understand and try to figure out how he can support his son’s marriage without causing any drama in the family.

If, however, the dad throws a hissy fit, then he clearly isn’t being much of a parent and putting his son first.

Post # 9
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mandauhhxo:  It sounds like your fiance’s mother has been there for him through everything.  In your shoes, I’d put her feelings over the father’s and not invite him.  He walked out on the family.  He’s throwing a hissy fit that his new fiancee isn’t invited and threatening to not show up.  There’s no reason to bend over backwards to make the man happy when he’s the one who fucks everything up.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

For someone that your FI talks to once in a while, to be causing so much worry is ridiculous.  He hasn’t ever met YOU?  No effort to try to meet you before he disrupts your day?  

I’m sorry but your FI’s Dad was a jerk for leaving his family and not looking back, and he is STILL a jerk.  He has no respect for the destruction he left behind and now wants everyone to bow down to his wishes about bringing his new FI? No.  I’m sorry he missed out on the day to day triumphs and failures his sons went thru, you don’t get to come to the “Big Show” so you can show off.  I mean you realize that’s the only reason he wants to come … it’s about him not about his son and you, or he would gladly accept the invitation for One. 

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We had a similar situation with DH’s dad.  He left the family years ago, talked to my DH once in a while and my MIL and SIL wanted nothing to do with him.  About 6 months before our wedding, his dad heard about the wedding and made constant contact with DH and I knew he was looking for an invitation. 

I knew he had a bad history with my MIL and SIL (and pretty much their whole family) and I had never even met the man so I felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing.  Out of respect for DH’s family (especially his mom, who is a sweet, caring woman), we chose not to invite him.  We didn’t feel like it was a suitable time for a “family reunion” seeing as most people there would not be happy to see him.  Ultimately, I left the decision up to DH, but I did voice my concerns about him being there.  I didn’t want the wedding to focus around the attention/drama with him and I wanted DH’s family to feel completely comfortable and have fun.  It’s been almost two years since we were married and he’s back to not really hearing from his dad so he doesn’t regret his decision not to invite him.

Post # 12
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

Has your FI talked to his mother about this?

 

I don’t think anyone would hate you if he weren’t invited, but it’s unfair that the final decision has fallen on you somehow.

Post # 15
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was on board with inviting him until this: “He called me horrible names and told my FI that I was the biggest mistake he’d ever make.”

Someone who doesn’t show respect for your relationship and your SO shouldn’t be invited to your wedding, and I kind of feel like your FI should know that. It seems like passive-aggressive bullshit to tell you to make this decision, as if he’d like to be able to blame it on you when it causes hard feelings, as opposed to taking responsibility.

Post # 16
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would invite father but make clear his fiance is not invited. Give his mother a heads up his father will be in attendance.  This isn’t a recent ordeal, they should be able to be adults about it. This day is not about either of them.

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