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Hi,
I have learned as the MOH that there will be hurt feelings during a wedding. There can be two MOH's Maid and Matron if you are lucky to have one who is married. If none are married or if you don't want two just really pick who you want, it's your wedding. In the end it is your day and you will keep hearing that, because well it is your day! If she is a true friend she will understand, suck it up and be there for you in other ways. The fact that you said WA friend would understand and step down shows how much of a great friend she is and that she really does deserve the spot!
have a sis--pick her to be our moh. lol.
I would pick the one closer to you because she is well, closer to you. And, you should explain the responsibilites. If your cali friend going to be able to plan a bachellorette party in WA? Is she going to be able to afford traveling up there to help you find dresses, address invites, like other MOH duties? But, I guess it depends on what you expect them to do. Some brides have them show up and they are done...but I know mine are here and helping..My lil sis is my MOH and she been down to Fl (live in IL) to help pick out my dress and has been making an effort to me though. I know she can't do everything with me, but I delagate the bach party to my only bm that is down here--but she wanted to be involved. If not, I was probably going to end up planning it..lol
Maybe compromise: make one a matron of honor and one a maid of honor.
Wait, she might not be able to make it? I wouldn't make her the MOH. Bridesmaid is a better title and has less responsiblites. It doesn't seem like she is going to make the effort to such a honor...well, I think it's a honor. esp if she is mighting making it..I would so be mad at my bff if she " I might make it" to my wedding! But, that's me...
depends how many total you have I think. If you're planning on having at least 5 girls total, I think you could have 2 MOHs no problem. Otherwise, go with the one near you. Explain to your friend that you love her and you want her to share in your day, but that you'll need a lot of help locally and you know with her schedule it wouldn't be fair of you to expect her to handle that much responsibility.
have no maids and only bridesmaids or have everybody be MOH. They're just titles. What the actual responsibilities are will just emerge ad hoc without specific ties to the titles.
I think 2 MOHs is good too, and you can explain that you want both of them because one is closer and can help with a lot of the details, and the other has been your friend for so long. Everyone's happy. :)
if two MOHs won't work for you, you can just explain to the Cali friend that you really need someone who can physically be there to help during the planning process. I think that even if her feelings are hurt, as a friend, she should understand your position.
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I have a best friend that lives in southern Cali (moved there almost 2 years ago) and I live in northern WA. We have been best friends for years, but since she has moved there, we hardly ever talk. Like maybe text once every few months. We both are busy, so I understand. On the other hand, I have a friend that lives nearer to me, who I have also been...well...closer to over the years. Honestly, I talk to her EVERY DAY, and she has helped me more than my other friend. But my Cali friend still insists to this day about her being my maid of honor, when personally I would prefer my other friend to be. I know my other friend would not mind stepping down to let her-but that's not the point. I really feel as though I would want my nearby friend to be my MOH, but I am worried about hurting my Cali friends' feelings. Has anyone gone through this? I am not even sure if my Cali friend would be able to make it!