Post # 1
My BF and I have been dating almost 5 years (next month!!!) and have been long distance for a little over a year now. When he first moved we thought we had a timeline all figured out and we were super excited and telling family and friends about our plans. Well, things have taken a little longer than we expected to get settled, mainly his career, and the timeline came and went. Since then I have been asked multiple times when I’m getting engaged and it is really starting to bother me, I wish I had never said anything to anyone about it in the first place… It is supposed to be special, and intimate, and somewhat of a suprise… I wish I could go back in time and shut my mouth. I know people are asking because it is exciting but I don’t have an exact answer as to when it is going to happen and it is starting to ruin it for me. I have involved too many people in what is supposed to be an amazing moment in my life and am really regretting it. When it happens I want it to be “congrats!” not, “oh, finally!” ya know?
My BF and I are very happy, there was no big drama that pushed the engagment off a bit… but the constant questions are making it feel like people think we aren’t going through with it anymore or what not. I tell them that this kind of big move takes time and that we want to be smart about it career-wise and financially but it never seems to stop the questions.
My BF and I went to look at engagment rings for the first time this weekend, I have been smiling ever since, but I have only told my best friend because I don’t want to fuel the fire of questions from family. It makes me sad that I can’t share that news with my mom or sis because of all the rude people in my family asking, “when?”.
Anyone else experiencing this? If so, how do you answer?
Post # 3
“We’re not sure when the day will be. We are just enjoying being engaged right now!”
Post # 4
@JoJo Bananas: Um, did you actually read the post? They’re not engaged yet.
Post # 5
@Soon2bBB: I can understand this. We have been together over 3 years and bought a house together last year. Since then, everyone was sort of waiting for the engagement announcement. His sister made a lot of annoying comments (in a loving way), and would always say “when are you getting married”. I would just say “Hmm im not too sure. You will have to ask your brother!”. And left it at that.
I think you are right to keep the ring shopping to yourself. Even if people know its coming, they will be excited for you 🙂
Post # 6
@Wonderstruck: I did. But obviously not very well.
Post # 7
@Soon2bBB: I don’t want to sound harsh but you kind of opened this can of worms by telling everyone your plans. That being said it doesn’t make it any less frustrating, just remember people are asking out of excitement, and maybe they wouldn’t if you hadn’t brought it up? I have to constantly tell myself this when people keep asking me”when the big day is”? We haven’t set a date yet. It does get a little annoying (especially at big family functions) but I just remind myself its because people are happy for us. I don’t know what you should say as a response to the engagement, maybe just tell people it’s coming but you told FI you want to be surprised? I know that I’ve never asked any waiting girl this question, it just sees to remind them it hasn’t happened yet.
I’m sure you’re time is coming, just don’t forget to enjoy the time together until then!
Post # 8
@Soon2bBB: I would come up with a light, standard response to brush off their questions politely. Something like, “Isn’t that a question for my fiance?” or, “We’re getting settled before we take any next steps” should work to reaffirm that you’re both very serious, but also keep the surprise alive when you *do* get engaged.
Post # 9
Yep! Right there with you! We’ve been together even longer, and so I’ve been fielding the “when will it be you guys” question for several years now.
We finally started ring shopping a few weeks ago and in my excitement I told 3 (literally) people that we had done so. Well, that may have been a huge mistake. Because now almost EVERYONE knows we’re looking. And now instead of “when are you guys getting married” questions I’m getting “has the ordered the ring?” “have you decided which one you want?” questions all the time instead!
I should have just kept my mouth shut until he actually proposed because it seems no matter how much information I provide people always want more! I’m sure once we’re engaged it will be: “so when’s the wedding” and at the wedding it will be “so when are you having kids”. Ah well.
Post # 10
I understand. I dated my husband for about 6.5 years before he proposed. People got on my last nerves with the questions. Some said that my proposal wouldn’t be a big deal because he took so long. Mind you that we were 17 when we began dating. When the time came everyone was excited and happy for us. A few people said it was about time, but for the most part everyone felt like it was the perfect time for us.
Post # 11
I’m in the same boat. We’ve been together for 6 years now and we’re still not engaged. I talk openly with all of my friends about our headway or steps-backward, whichever that day brings. It has helped calm me down when I really hit that hard part of the waiting game. When people ask, I usually just tell them, “no rush, he’ll do it when the time is right”.
I told one of my besties our “timeline” and she keeps reminding me that that date has come and gone already. Not in a snarky way, but it somehow just comes up. I think people just forget sometimes that life happens, and things can take a little longer than expected, and become a tad insensitive when it comes to big exciting events like getting married.
Post # 12
Aw, I know you were excited and wanted to confide in people your joy. People can be insensitive, but they also want to hear the good news also. All of the previous posts had good advice, you can also vent your joys and frusterations on here as well. That’s what the “waiting” board is for! 🙂 My whole family asks us everytime, and his mom always asks (in front of him!) “”when am you going to be family”, or “I hope you are family soon”… sigh! He was practically pressured into marriage the first time and had a rough divorce… I don’t want to scare him off!
Post # 13
I just got engaged and we were dating for over 6.5 years… people have been asking WHEN WHEN WHEN since year 1. So we definitely got some “Oh finally”‘s but they were more like “OMG FINALLY!!!!!!! 😀 :D” And they were still super excited and it was nice to join them in the “finally!”‘s And, most people, even though they said “finally,” agreed that now was the right time for us.
What I used to say to people was something like “I don’t know, but you’ll be one of the first to know when I do!” or “Whenever the economy turns around!” or “Whenever we get money stuff figured out, rings ain’t cheap ya know?!” or “Well I told him that I don’t care about the proposal being special or the ring being expensive, but he wants to do something nice and get a nice ring so it’ll be a while until he gets money for what he wants to do” which caused people to usually go “AWWW!!! How sweet!! That’s so exciting!”
Post # 14
@Taylor4: And when you have a kid, its “when are you giving him/her a little brother or sister?” LOL it never ends.
My favorite response is, “Well, we have to (big stupid thing in the way, ie get a job, finish school, move out of parents’ house), once we’re done that, I’ll get back to you.” It might not stop them from asking, but it will give them perspective.