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I announced to my supervisors today at our weekly staff meeting that I am engaged (yay!). They were thrilled. 
One had a funny comment that I had never heard before. She congratulated me, but then she said "Oh, I mean 'best wishes' to you, and 'congratulations' to your fiance. I read somewhere that you shouldn't say 'congratulations' to the female half of the engaged couple, because it makes it seem like she 'caught him.'" (I laughed because she actually made the motion like she was reeling in a large fish. Haha.)
I have never heard that, but then again, I don't consider myself an "etiquette expert." Anyone ever hear about this? I wonder if it used to be part of etiquette but now it is phased out? I'm just being curious... :)
I've never heard of that. I'm sure you're right - its probably out of date etiquette. Its funny though - it does make it seem like you're congratulating the man for getting the woman - and its like you're saying "Good luck with that jerk!!" to the woman. Kind of funny.
Ha! never heard that either, but I guess it's still around.
My FIL said "congratulations" to DH and "my condolences" to me!
The older crowd at my church goes by that rule, haha. "Congrats" to the guy for netting a wife, "Best Wishes" to the gal for a future with a good husband.
I've heard of this. For the reason that your co-worker stated. I personally like it because the guy should be congratulated on being lucky enough to be with an awesome lady, while the lady should be wished all the best in the future. :)
Yep! It's true. It's supposed to imply that the man is the lucky one (obvi!)
The first time I actually heard that was on Mad Men season finale. The partners were congratulating the main character and his new fiancee and then corrected themselves by saying, "Oh, you're supposed to say, 'Best Wishes' to the woman!" Learning something new every day!
Yes, it's true. I remember Emily Gilmore admonishing Luke on GG about this very same thing!
Yup, it's an etiquette thing - although I don't think most people follow it anymore.
I never heard it before I got engaged, but I heard it often soon after.
Hmm... You learn something new everyday :) Thanks Bees!
Just another stupid "rule" that doesn't make sense. There was actually a scene in Gilmore Girls about this that was pretty amusing :-) (when Lorelai was going out with Luke and her parents renewed their vows after separating)
It's an old tradition. The theory is you shouldn't congratulate a woman for snagging a husband.
I guess you congratulate the man for asking? I have to guess it's more difficult to pop the question (and run the risk of getting turned down) than it is to accept a proposal??
I've never heard of that myself!!! But, ya never know. There are old traditions and wedding ettiquete that I'm sure have fallen off the map since the beginning of "weddings". lol
But, its' pretty funny and I plan on sharing the info!!
My FMIL actually yelled at FFIL for telling me "congratulations" instead of "best wishes". She actually said that it's bad luck. I had never heard that before, either.
I had never heard of this until our engagement, when a sweet older gentleman corrected himself for telling me congratulations. I was confused, like 'why are you taking back your congratulations?!' Ha. I guess it does make sense from the 'catching a husband'/'congrats on getting up the courage to ask' perspective, but I just joked I did deserve congrats for waiting 6+ years! Haha. It's funny how what used to be etiquette is now so foreign.
I heard about this from my mother, though it doesn't seem to be common knowledge in most circles. I've had plenty of people congratulate me and I don't mind. There have also been a few people (friends of my fiance's family, for example) that acknowledged the engagement but didn't congratulate either of us, which I find somewhat rude.
When I first got engaged, one of my colleagues said "Congratulations!" then corrected himself to say "Best wishes!" I didn't know why, but now I do.
Oh yes of course! I thought more people knew this. anddd-
Best Wishes! 
When we told Fi's Grandma that we were engaged, she congratulated him specifically - he said something along the lines of "don't you mean congratulations to both of us?" She responded with "Best wishes" to me and then explained why Fi was wrong~
Gilmore Girls was the first time I heard of this too. 
I heard you don't say congratulations to the lady because it makes it sound like, oh thank god you finally convinced someone to marry you lol
I don't like following etiquette from a time when women were just looked as baby factories and someone to have dinner ready. I guess it's nice, but when you turn it around you are basically saying the same thing.
My family and church are sort of old school and yes they did it the way you say. I find it strange but I figured it is just how it is. I didn’t really know that people said other things.
My Aunt explained it to me as "congratulations" - that she said yes. And "Best Wishes" - in your marriage, as you chose to say yes. You don’t have to be congratulated.
I've heard this all my life, but I think it's pretty old school.
Anyone watch Mad Men? In the season finale, which takes place in 1965, Don announces his engagement to the SCDP crew. Some guy congratulated Don and the fiancee both. Pete corrected him, saying something like "You don't say congratulations to the bride, you say best wishes."
Hmmm, never heard of that before, but it does make sense.
This is one of those things that sounds vaguely familiar now that you mention it, but I had forgotten I had ever heard it before. I like it! And I think it's cute how the older generation keeps correcting themselves when they say the wrong thing. I hope this doesn't phase out along with things like personalized stationary and childhood innocence.
OMG thanks for the Mad Men plot spoilers, guys! I'm still catching up!!!! :O
I never heard of this tradition before! Frankly, I think I should be congratulated for netting FI and he should receive "best wishes" for dealing with crazy me. Heh!
I have heard that the groom is told "congratulations" and the bride is told "best wishes."
And I'm not ashamed to admit that I learned that from an episode of Gilmore Girls. :)
Yup! I got a few Best Wishes cards when we got engaged and even the cards that said congratulations said and best wishes to the bride to be on the inside written in!
Or you can say "Felicitations" to the bride, which means "may you be very happy" -- which is the third typical greeting for a new bride. I hadn't realized that society had forgotten this silly rule -- like putting the knife and fork across the plate when dinner is done, it's one of the pointless rules that I learned at Mama's knee and follow without thinking about it. Mind you, I also use personalized stationery.
I have never heard of that, but I can see it being an older practice.
Yep, I've heard that guideline. I like it and follow it myself, though I don't take offense to being congratulated rather than being offered best wishes. It's not a custom that I would expect many to even know, let alone practice. Especially since some may frown upon the inequality of it.
By the way, I'm also familiar with the Gilmore Girls episode that previous posters have mentioned. I always thought that the fact that Emily's penchant for propriety didn't extend so far as to keep herself from the rudeness of trying to shame and correct people was funny and more than a little ironic. But I do enjoy her mean streak.
I have heard of it. And I actually get slightly ruffled when people say congrats to Me (not that I ever say anything to them). its like theyre say "oh you Won" like I just beat another opponent in the big game "congrats on that win today" I know its just me...but I think they should congratulate him (he's the lucky one, right?) after all Im the one who said Yes! lol
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