Consider That Your Gift. Umm What?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@Overjoyed:  NWR but one year for my birthday, my friend gave me a ticket to see U2 in another city about an hour from where I lived. I really wanted to see U2, however a) I would have had to pay my train fare and hotel room, and b) my ex-FI (who was still trying to get back together with me, while I had moved on and was dating someone new by this point) was also going to be there.

Anyhow, it was going to cause me much money and grief, so I thanked her and didn’t go.  (ended up having to do something else that weekend anyway, so it gave me a good excuse)

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Overjoyed:  On a much smaller scale than your example, essentially any gift card is just an invitation for me to spend money. Unless you are giving me a significant amount (and people usually don’t – $25 or $50 is standard) then I am going to have to spend money to make up the difference. If it’s something I need anyway (like gas) then I am happy because it’s costing me less. If it is a $25 gift card to a really expensive restaurant that will cost me $200 then I don’t see that as much of a gift 😛

Also, I am sorry your mom is being so inconsiderate and selfish. What a terrible situation.

Post # 5
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Overjoyed:  My birthday is very near Christmas…so I’m often the victime of the “Combination” gift…where its supposed to be Christmas AND Birthday…all it does is piss me off, and its at this point, that the individual in question is put on “The List” where their birthday gift, will be something Christmas related…even if its in July, and I’ll be sure to say, very loudly, that its supposed to be Birthday AND Christmas…oddly enough…most people never do that again, weird, isn’t it?

Post # 6
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

A paperclip holder.

ETA: it was a Christmas gift

Post # 7
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrsPanda99:  We have family friends who do this too!  They’ll get us a $50 gift certificate that you can only use if you spend over $100.  It’s a very nice thought (they’ll randomly get us these presents “just because”), but we don’t exactly go out and spent $50 on dinner regularly, so we end up spending an unusual amount just to use their gift.

Post # 8
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

 

 

@Nona99:  My Birthday is a week before xmas, I hate combo gifts too

@Overjoyed:  I would uninvite your mother all together; She seems like such a B IMO you dont need the stress.

Post # 9
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Shortly after getting engaged, FI and I went to spend a long weekend with his family.  After lecturing me on my student loans and basically calling me irresponsible, FMIL told me that the best wedding gift they could give us is their financial advice.  I wanted to be like, “Really, that’s the BEST gift you can possibly think of? Better than, say, graciously accepting me into your family without finding crazy reasons ‘prove’ I’m going to ruin your son’s life?”  Seriously, just get us a mixer and call it a day.

FI has to talk to his parents (both financial planners) a few times to convince them that it wasn’t appropraite for them to be our financial planners and have that much involvement in our personal matters, especially when it came to my personal finances.

Post # 11
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Nona99:  My birthday is just after Christmas and I get the combo gifts, too. This sounds like a great way to thwart that!

Post # 13
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@jdhall89:  My FMIL does this every time she gives me a gift. It is a “sweet’ gesture to “help” me afford “nicer” clothes/etc. but I always break the bank buying just one or two items on top of the gift card…It ends up being more frustrating than nice

Post # 14
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@Overjoyed:  Because she knew I loved U2. And she loved U2. And my former FI loved U2. We were all friends, so it became kind of a friend’s weekend away. My b-day is in March and the concert was in May. I think my ex-FI and friend assumed and hoped we might get back together again (we all hung out that new year’s eve) however I had no interest in that, and had met somone new anyway (i had literally just met him, so hadn’t discussed it with anyone yet).

there was another time that she was visiting the same city my new BF lived in for the weekend, and I was up visiting him. She said she had a “birthday gift” (though it was closer to her September b-day than my march one) and we kept missing each other. So I agreed to meet her at the train station as she was departing to see her and get my “gift” (a selection of free things you get when you buy so much of a certain brand of cosmetics or skin care things).  It may have even been a substitute gift for the U2 ticket I couldn’t use. Anyhow, I go down tot he train station, and find her gate, and I’ll give you one guess as to who was there with her! 

Post # 15
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Overjoyed:  Wow that’s messed up! I remember my college roommate was good at doing nails so I asked her to do mine once. She even put some swarovski crystals on them for embellishment and told me to give them back when they eventually fell off. Then about a week later she told me that manicure was my birthday gift…I was like wth!!

Also, my husband relocated during our engagement and for a month he was living with hus best friend and his wife. Well before he got his own place his friend was telling him how he was about to throw out his steam mop. So DH asked if he could have it for our new place and his friend said “sure, but consider that your wedding gift.” I think DH may have mentioned it to me and it rubbed me the wrong way, but even worse was when they came to visit after the wedding and asked how I liked their gift. Idk it just seemed like a really cheap move to say your best friend’s gift is somethong that you were going to throw out. 

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