Post # 1
So, I don’t need any advice or anything, I just thought this little anecdote was too bizarre not to share with the hive. As you may know from my previous posts, my mom is a jerk who stopped speaking to me when I told her I was engaged. She never apologized for her behavior, just called me one day and gave an ultimatum that she would come to my wedding if (and only if) I also invited 3 other people–two of them being children…to my child-free wedding– that I hadn’t intended to invite. I agreed in order to promote peace between us. This was diametrically contrary to my better judgment. She also invited someone without my knowledge, but that person eventually declined so no harm, no foul.
At any rate, I called her on Sunday as it was a special occasion. During that conversation, she let me know that she had just spent $X on plane tickets for the extra people she connived me into inviting and that I should consider that expense her gift to me. This expense benefits me in no way whatsoever and is about half of what I’m paying to feed all these randos, btw.
So, have any of you had anyone give you something you didn’t want, something that ended up costing YOU money or something otherwise worthless and told you to consider it a gift? (any type, not necessarily wedding gift).
Post # 3
@Overjoyed: NWR but one year for my birthday, my friend gave me a ticket to see U2 in another city about an hour from where I lived. I really wanted to see U2, however a) I would have had to pay my train fare and hotel room, and b) my ex-FI (who was still trying to get back together with me, while I had moved on and was dating someone new by this point) was also going to be there.
Anyhow, it was going to cause me much money and grief, so I thanked her and didn’t go. (ended up having to do something else that weekend anyway, so it gave me a good excuse)
Post # 4
@Overjoyed: On a much smaller scale than your example, essentially any gift card is just an invitation for me to spend money. Unless you are giving me a significant amount (and people usually don’t – $25 or $50 is standard) then I am going to have to spend money to make up the difference. If it’s something I need anyway (like gas) then I am happy because it’s costing me less. If it is a $25 gift card to a really expensive restaurant that will cost me $200 then I don’t see that as much of a gift 😛
Also, I am sorry your mom is being so inconsiderate and selfish. What a terrible situation.
Post # 5
@Overjoyed: My birthday is very near Christmas…so I’m often the victime of the “Combination” gift…where its supposed to be Christmas AND Birthday…all it does is piss me off, and its at this point, that the individual in question is put on “The List” where their birthday gift, will be something Christmas related…even if its in July, and I’ll be sure to say, very loudly, that its supposed to be Birthday AND Christmas…oddly enough…most people never do that again, weird, isn’t it?
Post # 6
A paperclip holder.
ETA: it was a Christmas gift
Post # 7
@MrsPanda99: We have family friends who do this too! They’ll get us a $50 gift certificate that you can only use if you spend over $100. It’s a very nice thought (they’ll randomly get us these presents “just because”), but we don’t exactly go out and spent $50 on dinner regularly, so we end up spending an unusual amount just to use their gift.
Post # 8
@Nona99: My Birthday is a week before xmas, I hate combo gifts too
@Overjoyed: I would uninvite your mother all together; She seems like such a B IMO you dont need the stress.
Post # 9
Shortly after getting engaged, FI and I went to spend a long weekend with his family. After lecturing me on my student loans and basically calling me irresponsible, FMIL told me that the best wedding gift they could give us is their financial advice. I wanted to be like, “Really, that’s the BEST gift you can possibly think of? Better than, say, graciously accepting me into your family without finding crazy reasons ‘prove’ I’m going to ruin your son’s life?” Seriously, just get us a mixer and call it a day.
FI has to talk to his parents (both financial planners) a few times to convince them that it wasn’t appropraite for them to be our financial planners and have that much involvement in our personal matters, especially when it came to my personal finances.
Post # 10
@inky_1: so somebody gifted you something they stole from work? Did it at least have paperclips in it? Or did you have to buy those?
@SeaSalt: why did your friend give you this ticket? Was he/she just unable to go, or did they actually thing you would want/appreciate it?
@Nona99: that’s good business! I think I’m going to treat my fiance and I to a couples massage the day before the wedding. And then at the rehearsal dinner when she asks why I didn’t give her anything, I’ll reply “oh, you’d be surprised how much our massages cost. Consider that your gift!” It is EXACTLY the same thing.
Post # 11
@Nona99: My birthday is just after Christmas and I get the combo gifts, too. This sounds like a great way to thwart that!
Post # 12
@MrsGarrityToBe: ohhh, if only it were so simple. Even though she was being horrible to me, I was a bit relieved when I thought she wasn’t coming. My fiance and others showed me that if I were to refuse to accept the half-cocked olive branch she offered me (well, I’ll come IF you do this. Still not sorry for any of the BS I said and did though. Take it or leave it.) That I could kiss any semblance of a relationship between us goodbye. At the time I wasn’t open to the idea of never seeing or hearing from my own mother again–even if she’s a jerk, she’s the only one I have. That said, I know, for a fact that she will say or do something to make me cry on wedding day. It’s an uncanny talent she has and she relishes it. She prides herself on “keeping it real,” especially if her realness deeply hurts people she loves. In many ways, I wish she wasn’t coming. But I feel so guilty whenever I think that, that I immediately put it out of my mind. Yes, I know that it is not healthy to keep toxic people, ANY toxic people in your life. Yes, I am getting help for it. So…here we are.
Post # 13
@jdhall89: My FMIL does this every time she gives me a gift. It is a “sweet’ gesture to “help” me afford “nicer” clothes/etc. but I always break the bank buying just one or two items on top of the gift card…It ends up being more frustrating than nice
Post # 14
@Overjoyed: Because she knew I loved U2. And she loved U2. And my former FI loved U2. We were all friends, so it became kind of a friend’s weekend away. My b-day is in March and the concert was in May. I think my ex-FI and friend assumed and hoped we might get back together again (we all hung out that new year’s eve) however I had no interest in that, and had met somone new anyway (i had literally just met him, so hadn’t discussed it with anyone yet).
there was another time that she was visiting the same city my new BF lived in for the weekend, and I was up visiting him. She said she had a “birthday gift” (though it was closer to her September b-day than my march one) and we kept missing each other. So I agreed to meet her at the train station as she was departing to see her and get my “gift” (a selection of free things you get when you buy so much of a certain brand of cosmetics or skin care things). It may have even been a substitute gift for the U2 ticket I couldn’t use. Anyhow, I go down tot he train station, and find her gate, and I’ll give you one guess as to who was there with her!
Post # 15
@Overjoyed: Wow that’s messed up! I remember my college roommate was good at doing nails so I asked her to do mine once. She even put some swarovski crystals on them for embellishment and told me to give them back when they eventually fell off. Then about a week later she told me that manicure was my birthday gift…I was like wth!!
Also, my husband relocated during our engagement and for a month he was living with hus best friend and his wife. Well before he got his own place his friend was telling him how he was about to throw out his steam mop. So DH asked if he could have it for our new place and his friend said “sure, but consider that your wedding gift.” I think DH may have mentioned it to me and it rubbed me the wrong way, but even worse was when they came to visit after the wedding and asked how I liked their gift. Idk it just seemed like a really cheap move to say your best friend’s gift is somethong that you were going to throw out.
Post # 16
@Overjoyed: Hun, I know shes your mom, but don’t let her ruin your day shes twisted