Weddingbee boards

Hi girls,

I guess I'm just looking for advice here.

FI and I got engaged this past June and have been planning our wedding for June 2, 2012.  We have a place booked, and have chosen (but not booked) our caterer, flowers, and photographer.  I've found (but not bought) my dress and his aunt is a pro cake maker.

HOWEVER.

I have never felt more stressed out about something that's supposed to be fun in my entire life.  It's just so much money and there are so many details and things to do.  We can't afford a day-of-coordinator, and our venue is basically just a big empy room.  So that would mean getting there early the day of, moving huge tables and 100 chairs, decorating, laying things out.....etc.  We'd have to buy all the alcohol and set up the bar, then rush to get ready, get hair done, have pics taken, go to the church, then have pics taken while everyone goes to the reception venue so it would really have to be fully ready in the morning.  Anyway, blah blah blah - you've heard it all before and know what I'm talking about.

The things is, we looked at our (100 person) guest list and really started to think about it.  Would our day be any less special if X and Y couldn't make it?  Well, no.  Would we be crushed if W and Z didn't come?  No, not so much.  Who are we spending all this money for, anyway?

Do I care for the bouquet toss?  No, I hate that part.  Am I comfortable making personal speeches in front of all those people?  Heck no.  Can we really afford to spend upwards of 1000 bucks for a DJ, a stranger, to run our wedding?  No, but I can't fathom having the patience and know-how to set up a playlist.  Can we afford another thousand bucks to rent linens and a backdrop for the head table?  No, but DIY is nearly as expensive PLUS more work that we don't have time for on the day of.  We can't afford a limo, so what do we do, just hop in our rusty old minivan and clunk away from the church?  Lol, see you there, bridesmaids!

SO - and sorry it's taken me so long to get to this point - here's where we're at: let's just have a small wedding.  Family and closest friends only; a church wedding followed by dinner at a restaurant or someone's house (though we don't really have the space for that, so likely a restaurant).  It would save a bundle of time and stress AND we could do it sooner!  Like, February sooner!  No, I wouldn't get "the dress", and it wouldn't be how I originally pictured it.  But is it worth an extra 10-15 grand to wear "the dress" and do all the things someone else has told us we're supposed to do?  Like, music to cut the cake to, seriously!??

I love the idea of being married sooner, and I like that the stress is already fading away a little....but I still want to be sure that I won't regret not having "my day".  I mean, no matter how we do it, we'll still be married and that's the most important part.  I guess I just don't want to look back and wish...and I also don't want my mom to feel "ripped off" since I'm probably the only one of her kids getting married (and I'm the youngest) and her and my Dad are nearly 70 (I was a late baby and I'm now in my late 20s).  She's said many times that whatever we want to do is fine, but I feel that she'd be a little sad if her friends couldn't come and if I didn't do all the traditional things.....I feel torn still, because part of me wants that dress, and the shower, and that first dance.  I would definitely not feel right having those things if I had a small, resturant reception....

Are any other Bees going through this right now?  Has anyone had a small wedding and regetted it, or vice versa?

Oh Bees....thank you all so much.  I wanted to press "reply" to each of you, but let me just say a sincere thanks to everyone.  You've made me feel relieved and helped me gain some perspective.

I really think we will be changing the plan, whether we move the wedding up or not.  We will be cutting the guestlist and finding a place where we don't have to DO so much - that's what was killing us mentally, I think.  I have a great and helpful bridal party, but I want them to enjoy the day, too, and not be running around sweating all day.

I looked at more pictures of "the dress" and it's pretty darned formal (and expensive) and there are probably other dresses out there that could fit my new plan better.  We had originally picked our venue because we could bring in our own caterer and we really wanted to do a big catered BBQ - but as long as we eat and drink yummy food, who cares.  Who cares if the vases match and who cares what the tablecloths look like.  We CAN still have the things we want, like a cake and a first dance, without having a hundred people watching.

We just want to be married - we don't need to put on a show.  That didn't really hit me with full force until today.

Ps - all you bees who talked about your smaller receptions, they sounded beautiful. :)

Thank you SO much, ladies.  We're probably going to have a smaller ceremony (30-40 people, mostly family since his family is huge) and go to a restuarant.  We're probably moving it up to February, too - why wait!

It's such a relief and, if we feel badly about not inviting everyone, we'll just throw a party at our place in the summer (maybe on June 2nd!).  I talked to my Mom and she still says whatever we want to do is fine and that it's up to us.  His parents had their ceremony at home with just family, so they don't care what we do either.  I still worry that my Mom will feel a bit sad, but hopefully the day is just so much fun that it doesn't end up mattering in the end.

Thanks again. :)