(Closed) Considering Drastically Downsizing My Wedding Due To Stress

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Juliepants: You have to do whats best for you and your FI in a situation like this…

Hope it all works out…HUGS

Post # 4
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I felt this exact same way!!! We were engaged in March and our wedding isn’t until June 12′. I think maybe moving your date farther out would be a good idea. It seems you have found “the dress” so you must think you want some sort of tradition? Maybe moving the date will also help with saving money. I know we have been saving soooo much and it does get annoying seeing all of your hard earned money going to “feed and entertain” others. To me that is why I wanted a big wedding (300) people. I love celebrating with my friends and family. I don’t have a wedding coordinator on day of or at all, but we went with a slightly more expensive venue and our florist is doing the flowers and centerpieces. We also have a lady doing our linens. So you have a friend (s) that would be willing to do all the set up for you? Maybe a master and mistress of ceremony? This way you don’t have to do it all the morning of. I would be worried about that as well. Hope all this helps?

Post # 5
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You could ask if your caterer can provide linens and tables and such, mine is, and they are setting up the tables and the florist is setting up the centerpieces. Also my dj is kinda like a day of coordinater also.. he makes sure everyone is there on time and doing what they are supposed to do.

Post # 6
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This decision is completely up to you and your FI. However, I am having a wonderful wedding for about $5k, and so are many other Bees here. I expect about 130 guests. I’ll list a few ways we’re cutting back.

No DJ- we’re making a playlist on a laptop (it’s actually been kind of fun, and you can do this right now to avoid the stress) and paying a friend $20 to keep an eye on it throughout the night.

Flowers- I’ll have a medium sized bouquet, my bridesmaids will carry a single sunflower each, and bouts and corsages will most likely be fake flowers or really cheap, maybe carnations.

Decor- No floral decoration. No linens or backdrop or anything complicated- no one will remember them. Our centerpieces will be origami flowers- something else you can do right now, and maybe enlist the help of friends.

Also, if you really feel that there are guests on your list that you wouldn’t mind not having there, don’t invite them. We have a huge family so we don’t really have a cutoff point, but maybe you do? Maybe adult only reception, closest friends and relatives only, etc. We’re not sending out STDs to save money- so maybe only send them to OOT guests if you have any.

We won’t have a limo. We’ll probably all just carpool over to the reception site (which is a bowling alley banquet room, haha). Yes, in whatever cars we have. It’s only for a short time and I don’t think people will look back and remember the car ride.

 

So maybe step back and think about trimming your guest list and budget, but still having a “big day”. Of course, as I said, if you really want a small affair earlier, then go for it! A big wedding isn’t everyone’s style.

Post # 7
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I downsized from a 220+ person wedding to a 40-50 person wedding. 

BEST. DECISION. EVER.

I thought about the same things you did (especially about how my mom would feel). In the end, my mom was (and still says) she was so happy with how everything turned out. 

We had our ceremony in a park. We went to a restuarant afterwards. It was a small place that only fit 60 people. The owner let us have the place for the night. We did everything that we would have done at a reception hall (speeches, bouquet toss, garter toss, dancing, cake cutting) except at a restaurant. (obvi these are things you can do without if not interested)

I do not regret a single thing. Because we downsized I was able to afford someone to do my make up, my hair, a limo, real flowers and tons of other things I was going to try and diy.

I have to say, it was one of the best days of my life! I wouldn’t change a thing!!! 

Post # 8
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Some venues have complimentary day-of coordinators. We found one that will let us drop all the drcorations off, set-up 1 table, then they will do the rest. Have you tried looking into more venues to try to find one like that?

Post # 9
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It really sounds like you’ve already decided what you want is a smaller wedding. There’s absolutely no reason you can’t wear a fancy wedding gown to a smaller wedding if that’s what you want!

As for your parents, if they want to throw you a large reception, that’s their call. But don’t change the type of wedding you want to make them happy.

Post # 10
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We are very much the same way. In the beginning, we said that we wanted to have fun planning our wedding, and decided to keep it small. We also decided that we will pay for it so that at the end of the day, our families cannot control it. I am thankful we have the option to do so, since I know that causes a lot of stress when families put money over the couple’s heads.

We decided against certain traditions such as boquet tosses, etc. since we are not comfortable with them. We just want people to come and eat, dance and then go home happy. Our ceremony will be short and sweet and generalized, so that all the family members with different religious backgrounds can feel comfortable. I have to say I am less stressed than other girls I know that are planning their weddings because I decided to let it go and do what I am comfortable with.

Do what makes you and your FI happy. Your day should reflect YOU, not the wants of others who have already had their big day. If you have to say NO to certain things, do it and do not allow yourself to feel guilty.

Post # 11
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I’m in a same sex marriage. In May 2008 when we heard that California (where we live) would start issuing marriage licenses for same sex couples we were in a time crunch. We didn’t have alot of time or $$. My sister and neice already had planned to visit us in August 2008, so we set our date around that. I found a white ankle length, lined linen dress at 50% off, so $60. It cost $25 to get it altered slightly. My partner wore a white linen shirt and pants. I made my own bouquet the morning off. WE bought invitations online and sent them out, inviting only about 12 people. We planned our reception at our favorite mexican eatery, which happened to have a lovely event room with grogeous river views. We fed all of our guests for $300 people. We had a cupcake bakery deliver cupcakes in our colors rather than have a cake. My best friend did my hair and makeup and took pictures – about 1500 of them. Our wedding cost about $600 or so. It was very low stress, which meant we were simply able to enjoy our day – which was such a dream come true for us as a same sex couple.

I have no regrets about our small, inexpensive wedding. We do plan on having a vow renewal, to include family and friends who were not able to attend our first wedding. That wedding will still be small, about 35 guests.

Do what makes you happy and allows you to enjoy the beauty of your day, don’t let tradition force you to have a stressful wedding that is not what you want.

Post # 12
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is my advice for you.  If I could do it all over again, I would change SO much.

We got married on the beach, very small intimate wedding, seriously like the best day I could imagine for a wedding.  The family members that were there took pics and I relaxed most of the day watching my girls get done up (sipping a lil wine here and there), then out to the beach we went.  Took some pictures and then off we went to the RESTAURANT!  Somewhere I did not have to worry about getting linens for, making dumb ass centerpieces for, silverware, etc.  It was all just ready.  The staff were bascially kissing our asses, calling us Mr and Mrs Alpha.  I loved it!!!!!!!!!  NO STRESS!!!!!!!!!!  We were married and bring on the drinks and food!  The night was perfect and THEN, after we got home, I had a reception at a hall for 100 people waiting for me.  All those little freakin details basically wore on me and my husband and my mother and my daughter and my MOH.   We had to take out a loan and it so wasn’t worth it.  I mean the reception was basically for my husband (his fam is bigger).  But the people I thought would have cared, really didn’t!  They were sitting at the tables taking pics of themselves!  We barely got any pics of guests dancing or us for that matter.  UGH.  I am sorry, I just know that all the planning and MONEY I put into that reception was NOT worth it at all!  We danced yes, and we had a photobooth yes, but geez it went so fast and I would have loved to have just had the small intimate wedding and dinner at the restaruant (which was gorgeous by the way, more gorgeous than a VFW) and was cheaper!!!!!!!!!!  Girl, do what you have to, cut the list.  Those people that you are iffy about, there is a reason you are iffy about them. 

Post # 13
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It sounds like you and your fiance are on the same page, so see how your mom feels.   I don’t think you’ll feel like you missed out on “your” day with the plan you described.  My boss got married at city hall and then had a restaurant reception – she said it felt perfect (and she still wore a wedding dress!).  

Post # 14
Member
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why can’t you have “the dress”?  My hubs and I eloped, and I had a fantastic dress, we booked an amazing photographer and had dinner at the MOST beautiful, elegant restaurant, precisely because we didn’t have to spend our budget on things like linens, favours, dj etc… You can have an absolutely gorgeous, intimate wedding, and set your own priorities.

Post # 15
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Go for it! I kept it as small as I could and I would never do it any other way. The money you save at the end of it all will justify any doubts you might have in your mind.

Post # 16
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Go for the downsize & marry your man in February! 🙂

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