Post # 1
My fiance and I will be getting married in May and I cannot wait!
But, one of the things I am dreading the most is trying to consolidate both of our households. We both have been living on our own for quite a few years and both have houses full of stuff. How do we decide what to get rid of, what to keep, what to register for new?
How did consolidating go for you? Anything you would have done differently? Anything you would definitely recommend doing or not doing? Any pointers are greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
Hi @lindythomps: I am an Encore Bride… so have faced this hurdle (it seems to be an ongoing one)
I am making a note here to come back to your topic to reply & follow
Post # 4
Hmm… We didn’t really have two full households to consolidate. But mostly we had hand me downs so we registered for mostly all new things, except the stuff we had that was nice (i.e. we already had nice henckels so we didn’t register for a knife block). Now we have a nice new full kitchen with items we love that are “ours” and not old hand me downs.
Post # 5
I got lucky, my husband just left me in charge and make all the decisions on decorating. Not much of his stuff stayed, it went to the trash, donated, and a little went into storage.
Post # 6
If we had two different versions of something, we kept the nicest/more expensive and sold the other one. So for example – since my SO had better furniture, I ended up selling most of my stuff but almost everything in the kitchen is mine. If you are going to sell things, I recommend doing it before you move – makes it easier when the actual move happens!
Post # 7
@lindythomps: For my FI and I it was a 50/50 split, and a home renovation that made it easy, lol.
We finished his basement (bc I sold to move into his house), creating a second living/dining space. My furniture from those rooms were put down in our new finished basement at his house.
He removed his spare bedroom set, and we put my master set (because it was queen) in there.
TV’s were multiplied, and we upgraded the one his bedroom for my living room TV. We bought a new TV for the basement as our house warming gift to each other.
We kept my dishes, because they were ‘new’ and donated his set. We kept his pots/pans, and I gave my set to my sister whom needed one. They were both equally used. Silverware was combined, bc you can never have too much, etc
We tried to keep it as ‘fair’ as we could so neither of us would miss anything, and I think we did a nice job. Now, we have to register in the next few months and cannot think of ANYthing to register for. We truly ‘have it all’. (first world problems!)
Post # 8
3 boxes. Keep, give away, and throw out. We decided what was nicer of our items and sold, or dropped off used items at the closest donation centre. A lot of our stuff because we were in our early twenties at the time (21 and 22) was hand me downs or mismatchy.
I won’t lie, we got rid of a LOT of his stuff throughout the first year or so and it wasn’t all because I wanted to toss it, it just happened that way. I had a nice set of pots and pans, so we got rid of his, his dishes were nicer and there were a full set so we kept those (I had roommates previously so more stuff was broken in my set, he lived on his own). A lot of the decor was from me because his was all band posters and skull figurines (yep, you heard that right, he was very into heavy metal). LOL. His previous apartment was partially furnished, so besides the bed, he didn’t have a ton of furniture coming into it.
It’s really an ongoing process for us, because we have moved several times since we’ve lived together as renters. So each time before we move, we make a point to go through stuff we haven’t used or looked at since the last move and pare it down.
Post # 9
Smaller scale, but when DH and I first moved in together we had to consolidate my 900sqft home and his 1200sqft apartment into a decorated 900sqft Boston apartment!
We basically went through and decided who had the nicer things… We kept all the silverware, since you can never have enough of that, I got rid of my pots and pans, we kept all the bakeware, and we picked ALL his furniture over mine.
But we got rid of almost all of BOTH our decor… And have spent the last two years slowly decorating together!
Post # 10
I’m not going to lie to you, it was difficult. I had been living alone for 5 years and he had for 10, so just sharing space with someone else was a big adjustment for both of us let alone consolidating all of our crap (70 years’ worth combined lol). I’d recommend giving yourselves one room each that is totally yours to keep your stuff and retreat to when you want space. We each have a bedroom in the house and it helps a lot (his is used as his office/studio and mine is used as my dressing room/doubles as a guest room.) Other than that, be as accommodating and flexible as you can and it’ll go fine!
Post # 11
@blushpinkbride: I love this idea! After years of living alone, living with another person (even one I love dearly) is rough, I definitely agree.
This is a great thread. I’m currently trying to figure out how to convince DH to make room in the house for some of my stuff other than my clothes and shoes. He thinks I should just rent a storage unit for it all, but hey, I wanna eat off my nice plates!
Post # 12
We got married in July, and we are still working on it!!
Like others have said, we generally kept which ever was nicest of the duplicate items. Some things, both of ours needed to be replaced, so we registered for or bought those things new. We registered for a new set of dishes, decor for the new house, and a few other things. We ended up buying new living room furniture (sofa and chairs) because both our sets were needing to be replaced.
What has complicated things is that we’ve been spending a lot of our free time renovating my house to rent it out. That means I haven’t had much time to get the new house organized.
Post # 13
i didn’t consolidate 2 households in the way you are talking but here’s my story.
i was living with my mom at the time when my grandmother passed away and then my father passed away 6 months later. i was not quite ready to start looking for my own house, (otherwise, the timing would have been great for moving almost all the furniture). there were 2 houses worth of stuff that we had to bring into my mom’s house.
we got rid of a lot of things. had yard sales, donated things, etc. i had to clear out my father’s apt in about a week so i just posted an ad in the craigs list section on free. i took what i wanted first. that was the craziest experience i ever had.
anyway. a year later, i moved into my own house. my grandmother was very fashionable and i took her dishes, towels, furniture, etc that had taken over my mother’s basement.
when i got married 2 month ago, i registed for stuff that i wanted to upgrade. and i gave my mother back some of the stuff that i didnt need anymore.
Post # 14
@lindythomps: Accept that it is a long process and work it in stages! Don’t force him to get rid of stuff right away if he doesn’t want to. Slowly over time move it to storage (he won’t notice!) Eventually my husband realized he didn’t need it and gave me the okay to toss it/donate it. At least that’s what worked with me! My husband keeps everything, whereas I toss anything that I don’t use.
We registered for mostly all new stuff with the caveat that a good deal of it would stay in the box until we moved to our next home. We use some of the fun stuff (blender, keurig, bedding etc.) now but have saved the new dishes, flatware etc. for our next home. So, when we move we won’t be taking any of the old stuff with us!
As for furniture, we kept whichever was nicer and alltogether replaced a lot of stuff (new couches, new bed) because we both wanted to upgrade to bigger then what either of us had (e.g., sectional and king size).
Post # 15
Kept the nicest of what each of us had (so my printer, his microwave, etc) everything else was hauled on three major trips to good will!
Good luck 🙂
Post # 16
Some very good ideas! Thank you all for the pointers! I know it always helps to get ideas from people who have been through it before.
When I say we have two “houses” full of stuff, actually I live in a house that’s about 950 sq ft (but it is AMAZING how much junk you can fit in 950 sq ft) and he lives in an apartment that is about 1500 sq ft. Because of size and location, we will be living in his apartment to start off and then once we recover financially from the wedding, we will resume house hunting. Since he has lived there for three years or so, it is quite “bachelor-ish”. So, my fear initially was that it would turn into his place with some of my stuff thrown in, rather than “our” place.
My favorite room in a house is the kitchen, so we have discussed registering for mostly new stuff in there since that is where I enjoy spending my time and since both of us just have mismatched/hodge-podge or old kitchenware.
Now… I just have to convince him to take his New Orleans Saints flags down out of the living room… 🙂