Constantly being judged and questioned……..loooooooong

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

My suggestion would be to just plan it how you want it, book things in, then tell them about it afterwards (assuming you don’t need them to do the booking for you)! It would be much easier to just say ‘hey, here is what we’ve done, this is how it’s going, it’d booked in so deal with it’ :p

If you’re paying for it yourself it shouldn’t matter anyway! Just go for the wedding you want, everyone else will deal with it and enjoy it or be grumpy the whole time, which is completely their problem!

Post # 4
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Zsa_Zsa:  Many parents have trouble remembering that this is not their wedding- so you are definitely not alone.

Randy from SYTTD has a great saying. “If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to have the wedding you want.” What that means is that you will have to be assertive enough to not be swayed, or upset by parents comments or suggestions if they do not fit with your vision.

“Thanks for the suggestion Mom. We’ll take it into consideration when we make our decision.”

“Thanks for the input.”

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Zsa_Zsa:  First of all, welcome to the Hive! I hope you find it helpful and super fun!

Regarding to your wedding, I feel you… I agree with @julies1949, hear them out (because they might sometimes have good ideas) think about what they said, take the things you like, ignore the ones you don’t.

If you feel it is going too far, speak. To your FI, to your mom. Tell them how you feel. If they keep going, well, you did what you could. Just don’t let it hount you, you only get married once! You must enjoy every step of the way!

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Zsa_Zsa: Don’t feel sad. You need to realize that you need to be your own person and what comes with that is being able make your own decisions. Completely understand the need to incorporate other opinions and family requests but to be honest this is your day and so you need to follow your gut. The more that you appear indecisive then the more they will need to take control of the situation and make decision or worse make you doubt yourself….ERK 

 

Post # 8
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It is most definitely time to stop.

My mother completely hijacked my first wedding, made it all about her and what she wanted. When I got married the second time, she was 10 thousand miles away and I didn’t invite her. 

No pay, no say.  One of the best things was the day I realised that my mothers opinion was only that – one opinion, and it had no more validity than anyone else’s. 

Post # 9
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Just keep on planning your wedding you and your FI alone.. It is your day after all.. When everything is done/booked.. tell your parents about it..

They had their day.. It is yours now..

You do what makes you comfortable and happy..

They just have to live with it! They can’t control everything..

Good luck and Happy planning:)

Post # 10
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Zsa_Zsa:  1st of if you love that venue go for it 

 

also try not to take into account everything they say if you love something and your fh loves something thats the main thing everything else well they should be happy you want to please them 

 

really though its your date if you like a toast master you like him … .if a space feels like yours its ur day not theirs they will love what you do with the space at the end of it and see ur vision that they can not see yet b.c. its not set up 

 

also as for ppl complaining about price… well someoen will always do that as long as it gets bought take it with a grain of salt 

 

as for your rents not lieking it being in scottland or having scottish traditions … remind them how upset they be if he said you could not have your english roots honored at your wedding … its rude to not expect the grooms roots to be pulled into the wedding you after all joining your life with his as for picking scottland over england you just choose based on what venues you like best (i would think) or to honor your husbands roots …. and there is nothing wrong wit hthat … i mean not to be oldfashioned but girls take a guys name  right so why wouldnt you follow his roots strongly and marry there (just a spin on it i thought of you might tell your rents since they are being fussy about it) 

 

breath and take it all with a grain of salt 

Post # 11
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I know how it feels when you have your heart set on something and then someone criticizes it. But there is no actual “perfect” anything; someone will always have a different opinion. 

“Thanks for your input/suggestion,” as the PP said, is a good way to acknowledge and move on Plan YOUR wedding and you will be too happy to even hear the criticism. 

And welcome to the hive!

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