- 10 years ago
- Wedding: August 2008
This is long….sorry I didn’t think it would be until I finished writing it….. thanks if you venture into reading it!
Well, we eventually got everyone to the shop for their dresses yesterday and it turns out this shop didn’t in fact have the dress they told me over the phone they did – they had one similar but I really thought it was terrible and so did the girls, which was most important because hey – they have to wear the thing.
I wasn’t worried though, I mean we were in a dress shop so we’d pick a new one right? Easy. Ha!
I suggested we look at another dress or two and my bridesmaid MJ (real name not used..), the one that actually replaced the one that was booted a few months ago pipes in and loudly announces "No! You picked that dress and we are waiting to find out if they have it upstairs somehwere you’re not changing your mind because the shop messed up"
Okay not only did I feel utterly stupid, because – silly me I thought this wasy my wedding, but the WHOLE shop was looking at me. I’m talking Saturday afternoon packed, dress shop!
I quitely said "I really would prefer to look for a new dress, we’ve all decided that one is horrid so let’s just look around and see…." I was cut off….by MJ who again screamed at me about going with the one dress I really loved and blah blah.
I tired explaining to her then that I really didn’t pick that dress, my sister and the former bridesmaid did and I went with it because it made them happy and it looked nice, as the exact dress was no longer available – I didn’t want to use new version because the sash was terrible and they others all agreed.
I felt like I was standing on the edge of a volcano waiting for it to go off. She was literally going to kill somoene, so I walked away and asked for a few books from teh counter to let her calm down.
I went back and guess what – she had this great idea – TO LOOK AT A NEW DRESS! Ugh! Well problem solved right? Dress being picked.
By a miracle of GOD all the maids loved the new picked dress and it was the first one they found, we started the measureing process and felt relieved that things were going well.
Now, remember I said the shop was packed? Well I’m talking like 4 dressing rooms, 2 mirrors and we were over flowing! They over booked everything and they womaon workeig were stressed and running! Well my maids start to get a bit irritated because it’s taking 20 minutes EACH to enter their info into the computer and take their payments. Which are more then they originally expected because it’s a new dress, that remeber they picked…
Well MJ starts in complaining. About how this shop is terrible and how do they stay in business and on and on. A few minutes later it’s that she can’t bleieve that she’s having to wear that size dress and order the extra yard of material because it’s so expensive (she’s real tall) a few minutes later – more complaining. I get up and go out side and just cry. This is supposed to be an ok time, I mean not like a huge blast for them or anything but I was really looking forward to it and everything Ive done is being complained about, no matter how accomodating.
Another maid came out and got me laughing and was really understanding of how much stres I was under and said she was a bit annoyed with how MJ had taken over the scene and was beign rude, but we’ll get through it. I went back in and MJ was paying for the dress.
First she didn’t have enough so another maid borrowed her the extra $15, then never said thank you – I said it for her finally and then offered to pay her back for MJ because she obviously didn’t care about it. Then she tells the womoan behind the counter that she has is $115 to put down and thats all and she’d better take it because that’s all she’s getting…really snotty then tosses the money on the counter.
I’m out of my mind with embarrasment at this point and back to near tears because of it. I love her for who she is but a certian level of public curtosy is needed to function in life, you know?
MJ complains the WHOLE time about the cost, of a dress she actually was the first to pick out and went on and on about it so long I said real chipper and like it was out of the blue "If anyone might feel that the cost of being in thewedding is too much, please let me know privatley and we’ll get it sorted – I don’t want any of you stressed because of a finacial burdon due to the wedding" it was quite, only they heard it and not drirected at anyone. I doubt MJ even knows I heard her complain all day.
Most of the girls said "No no we expected this, but thanks, most brides would have been like TOUGH!!" except MJ who rolled her eyes and said "I don’t even know why you’d say that, how rude."
So we all get through paying, I’m clenching my teeth by now and we are all supposed to be going out to eat. Mj and 2 other maids leave to get us a table and I follow later with my FMIL who was also there (but off looking at things and what not most of the time, she didn’t see a lot of this happen)
We get to Applebee’s and I sit down to only hear MJ complaing again – but this time it went too far – her exact words were ( I am SO sorry I hope not to offend anyone!) were "I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve just been raped in the ass"
A – she said it in public in a family establishment – quite loud in fact!
B- while I’m sitting next to my FMIL
I’d had it – I called attention to the table and said as nice as I could with out crying:
"Okay please let me say this. I know being in a wedding is spendy and I’m sorry. I’m tryng to make things inexpensive where I can. I will not have all this constant complaining about MY wedding. I get that you’re unhappy about some stuff, ok understandable – but please don’t complain around me at least because it’s really really hurtful to feel like I’m causeing others so much stress and finacial strain. And on top of that I’ve bent over backwards to make things work for all of you by changing what I can…"
MJ rolls her eyes, cuts me off and tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about that we weren’t talking about anythign like that and then goes into a complaint/story about the dress shop. Realizing that she’s totally missed the point I stood up and greabbed my coat and purse, wished everyone a nice lunch and left.
All before the waitress even coule come get our drink order that happened.
I cried the whole way home, mostly because of the stress but also the frustration of knowing I was making my self clear, I told her why I was upset and still she just didn’t get it. Halfway home I tried to call her and told her I loved her personalility but that she had to understand somethings were not ok and what she said about the "rape" thing and the constant complaint, though she didn’t find them hurtful – I did. She didn’t get it. Just a bunch of complaints again.
I fought back every instinct to yell at her and just stayed calm and polite – but I’m at a loss. I’m waiting to see if it blows over though she won’t return my e-mails, where I remind her we’ve been trough worse…and that she’s always been a great friend so I hope she can understand where I’m coming from….and on and on.
Trust me I know she’s no responded because she’s embarrased of her behavior….I just kept thinking, OMG this is going to happen on my wedding day – I’m going to have to fight with her on that day too.
I’m stupafied. Do I boot her and buy her out of her dress as I still have one maid in CO that needs one and I could just swap the order over to her? I can just keep it with 4 maids, we could pull a groomsmen no problems, he’s offered before…lol….I’m open to a million things that we’ve come up with…just don’t know what to go with…..
And please – for the sake of sanity if your response is only going to be about how I screwed up and was rude, keep it to yourself because you’ve obviously misread this very long and boring post (and I don’t blame you, I’d have been asleep by now reading it myself…lol) I have the support of 4 other people there that day -you guys rock but sometimes misunderstand whats being questioend and attact the posters personality instead, ehich can lead somoene to feel attacked as I did the other day.
Thanks for getting all the way through this if post!