- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
About 8 months ago I started a new job that I was SUPER excited about. It’s the highest paying job I’ve ever had, there’s room to grow, and it’s literally only 9 minutes from my house.
I was literally so happy about this job at first that I wanted to cry tears of joy on a daily basis. Not because it was my dream job or anything but because job-wise, it was the best I’d ever had.
The training was awesome and the people were encouraging, helpful, and appreciative.
But over the psat 6 months or so, my job has gotten harder and more miserable rather than easier. I won’t go into details, but I am a dispatcher at a tiny, local plumbing & heating company. The concept of the job is pretty basic: get the technicians from job to job, contact customers, handle paperwork, phones, etc. But there is SO MUCH MORE that goes into it. And I’m finding that this is the type of place where EVERY SINGLE MOVE you make is analyzed TO DEATH. Questions like “why did you make that decision,” “how could we have done this better?” or “does this make the most sense?” happen, like, hourly. I am literally starting to analyze my personal life because I am analyzed at work so much. And for awhile, they were trusting me with my own decisions. But apparently those were so bad that I literally have to get the opinions of, like, 4 managers for every little detail. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking “remedial dispatcher classes.”
Things change so rapidly at this job I literally can’t finish a thought or a sentence. I have to answer 3 different phones pretty much at the same time. I have never felt this disorganized or stupid. I used to pride myself on organization and communication and now I am a mess — physically and mentally.
Plus I am on call 1 night a week and 1 weekend a month. At first this wasn’t so bad but it has become so nerve wracking that my anxiety attacks, which were under control, are now spiraling OUT of control. I am literally losing sleep because stupid customers call in the middle of the night and wake me up and I worry so much about my decisions that I can’t sleep and therefore can’t function.
I know that the obvious answer is to just find another job, but that has proven to be really hard in this economy. And I don’t want to take just any job that comes along because it took me 2 years to find this one so I could move on from my old dead end job. And I think the hardest part is that even at age 27 I honestly have no idea what I want to be when I “grow up.”
I feel so, so dumb and totally inadequate for a position that I feel should be relatively easy, in theory.
This is killing my confidence and having negative effects on almost every aspect of my life and I seriously don’t know what to do.
Sorry for typos, etc. I’m typing quickly and crying.