- 4 years ago
I’m having problems with my parents, mainly my mom. I’m getting stressed out.
Quick background: My mom doesn’t like doing anything, ever. When I was a little kid, she used to tell me to play by myself, because she “wasn’t my playmate.”
I would ask to do arts & crafts, and we’d have to plan out WEEKS in advance (not joking) ONE SPECIFIC CRAFT we were going to do. Spend about 20 mins doing it, and then IMMEDIATELY-AFTER-CLEAN-UP-EVERYTHING-RIGHT-NOW-OK-WE’RE-DONE. (Rememeber Shrinky Dinks? I got to make 1. ONE shrinky dink, one time. Never again.)
So my parents live in NY, and I live in CA. My FI and I are making all of the decorations for our wedding (not to mention just gathering things – candy jars for the candy table, a card box, a guest book, table numbers… etc). My mom thinks this is “all too much.”
Here are some conversations we’ve shared:
Her: “You’re doing too much.”
Me: What? These are normal things at a wedding. Usually, a wedding planner takes care of all of the little details, but since I don’t have one, I need to do all of the things myself. So you’re going to notice more boxes and more things going on than if everything was behind the scenes.
Her: “Well I’ve never seen all of these.”
Me: You’ve never seen table numbers?”
Her: “Well why do you need them? Your wedding is going to be small.” (50 people)
Her: “Are you getting your hair done Friday night?” (the night before)
Me: What? No. I’m having someone come out and do my hair around noon on Saturday (the day of).
Her: “Well I never heard of that.”
Me: Yes… it’s very common for the hair stylist to go to the bride and do her hair on the day of her wedding.
Me: I’m looking for a DJ for…
Her: “Why? People are supposed to sit around and talk at a wedding.”
My dad: “Well you better not be up there dirty dancing like a streetwalker and embarrassing yourself.”
Me: Excuse me??
I emailed she and my dad pictures of me in my dress and she called me two days later and said, “Gee… I wish your dress had long sleeves.”
Her: “Well I’m just worried you’re going to be cold.”
Me: …The wedding is in May.
Her: “I know. It’s going to be cold!”
One time I was wearing a normal, plain, tank top, under a cardigan, and she said I was “showing too much” cleavage.
And then my dad chimed in with her and said “Yeah, why do you dress like that?”
IT WAS A CARDIGAN AND A TANK TOP. I got shit ALL night from them, for wearing it.
My mom also grabs at my stomach fat whenever she sees me.
It’s just bullsh*t piled on top of bullsh*t mixed with more bullsh*t.
Eventually, I have to send her all of my decorations, and I’m stressing out about having to CONSTANTLY DEFEND EVERY.SINGLE.THING. I send her.
Does ANYONE else have this problem? Does ANYONE ELSE have to constantly defend every single last detail to their parents? Is it just me?
I’m regretting having this wedding at all. Plan #1 was to elope up in Napa. If you’re reading this, and flip-flopping about eloping, JUST ELOPE. This stress isn’t worth it at all 🙁
(ETA: I forgot to mention that we’re having the wedding in NY, where my parents live. Which is why I’m having to send her all of the decorations and things like table numbers/card box/etc)