Post # 1
I am constantly worried the budget of our wedding. It seems to continue to spiral out of control. Despite the fact that it’s practically a shoestring wedding at $17K in NYC, I am still feeling anxious all the time. More than ever, it seems that a wedding should really be the least of our worries. I often wonder what I was thinking sinking so much money into one event.
I find myself wishing I could back out, but at this point with all the desposits and 6 months left, I can’t. It’s not like I don’t have a job or FI doesn’t, we do. But I just feel irresponsible and indulgent spending money on things that will not really contribute to our quality of life 5 years from now. I mean we could have knocked out some serious debt!
I know it’s considered a big life event, and it should be celebrated, but the more I think about it, the more I realize, I could be fine without all the fuss. In fact, I’d probably be a lot less stressed out.
Does anyone else worry, have the same frustrations, or guilt about having a wedding during a recession? If so, how do you deal with the emotions that gnaw at you?
Post # 3
I still worry about our budget some, but my worry decreased A TON after we got all the final quotes from our vendors. Before, when we were kind of waiting to see how expensive everything would be, it was very nerve-wracking because it seemed like everything just kept getting more and more expensive. Now that we have a pretty solid number for how much everything is going to cost, I feel much better. Once we got our final numbers, I sat down with the fiance and we decided to move forward with things even though we are over budget. (Our original budget was a little unrealistic for the type of wedding we envisioned.)
Now, I try not to let myself feel guilty abut the money or second guess our decision. I know that at this point there is no way I will back out of things to decrease the cost of our wedding. (Too many deposits have been made.) So, if I keep stressing about how much we are spending, it’s just useless, negative energy. Also, I keep in mind that in the grand scheme of my life, the money spent on this wedding isn’t going to make or break anything. I mean, when I’m 60 years old, will it be that big of a deal to me that I spent more on a wedding than I intended? Probably not. However, I probably will regret it if I worry so much about the wedding budget that I can’t enjoy the wedding and the planning process. Does that make sense?
Post # 4
I am really happy with my choice to have an inexpensive wedding in Las Vegas. I am also very lucky to have a family that doesn’t expect a huge "to-do". I know that so many people have those familial obligations that can outweigh their desires to do their own thing. I still get anxious about the budget, even though my costs are very low. I think it’s only natural, especially with current state of the economy.
Post # 5
I totally understand what you’re going through! We’re planning on a small budget, too, and it can be VERY stressful. The thing that my FI keeps reminding me of is that we don’t have to come up with the money all at one time — as long as we make an effort to space out our payments, and to be careful with our money elsewhere, we’ll be OK.
I don’t know how far along you are in your planning, but my advice is to take care of the big stuff (venue, food, drink), which will be the bulk of the budget, and then everything else will fall into place. I keep reminding myself that it doesn’t matter how cute our centerpieces are if we don’t manage to feed everybody, and it really helps me keep our priorities in perspective.
One other thing that we’ve done is to try to "find" money elsewhere. We craigslisted a treadmill that we don’t use, for example, and voila! A few hundred bucks to throw into the kitty. We’ve also gotten rid of some stuff on eBay, and it’s really helped — every penny counts.
I also empathize with the guilt you’re feeling about planning a wedding during a recession, but there might be another way to look at it. Every time I feel pressure to buy something that we can’t afford just to make things look nice, I remind myself that IT’S A RECESSION and people will understand if we don’t have a chocolate fountain and a photobooth and swanky favors and and and… If anything, I’ve tried to let the recession help me let myself off of the hook from some of the pressure for perfection.
Good luck! We’re all in this together, and you are SO not alone. I’m confident that everything will work out for you, and just remind yourself that it’s one day and one thing at a time.
Post # 6
You’re not alone! But, this is your day. You’ll create memories on your wedding day that will last a lifetime. You’re also creating an event for your guests to witness together. 50 years from now, you will still have memories and photos of your wedding day, and the money that you spent on the day will hardly matter. If you’re in a financial position that your wedding budget will not create a hardship, you’re in a great shape. I can’t imagine how much you’re cutting already to have a 17K wedding in NYC!
Also, don’t feel bad if you want to keep it simple. If that’s your style, go with it! No one is going to fault you if you have a wedding without some of the "fuss". There are so many, many ways to make your day perfect for you and your fi and not break the bank.
One thing that helped me deal with the amount of money I’m spending, is how many things I’ll be able to sell after the wedding. (via weddingbee classifieds! and others) Remember that other budget brides will need all those wedding items too and you should have no problem selling those extra vases, hairpieces, shoes, and even your dress! Start looking on wedding classifieds, craiglist and ebay now for gently used wedding items for cheap!
Some good advice was also given on a similar thread here. Ditto what linzella said, If you spend all your time feeling guilty about how you’re not cutting more out of your budget, you won’t have much fun planning. So try to have fun and not let the guilt be overwhelming–you’re doing a great job!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
YES YES YES! I’m struggling with this so much in deciding whether to have a wedding or not. Even though we will try to do it small (for our rural area, that’s under 5k), we still can’t help but picture all of the good that money would have done elsewhere. A year’s worth of student loans. A partial home downpayment. A good chunk of an addition to savings. It’s a personal choice I guess, and it comes down to what your priorities are. We’re spending lots on the rings and the honeymoon, but probably not as much on the wedding and reception.
Post # 8
Lily – I sent you a private message…hit me back when you get a chance.
Post # 9
I feel your pain, our budget is always in the back of my mind. I really feel the pressure to impress our guests and this leads to most of the stress. The one thing I have told myself (which I know some Bees don’t agree with) but IMO I don’t think guests should have specific "expectations" or demands. I am doing what I can to stretch the dollar and ensure everyone has a great time. Although I won’t have appetizers and multiple entree choices, we will have enough food so that nobody goes hungry and I keep telling myself thats what matters. It’s hard to look at my savings account and see it dwindle, but I am proud of myself for creating a budget that both my FI & I think is fair and does not leave us in debt.
Post # 10
Then have a smaller wedding! Don’t have a big wedding you can’t afford (or don’t want to afford), get married and meet everyone out for dinner. You just have to be very serious with yourself about how you will feel in 10, 20, 30, however many years if you don’t have the big wedding. Will you regret not having done it? Will you want to live vicariously through any daughters you may have as they plan their weddings because you didn’t get to have one that you wanted?
If you think about all that and decide to have a smaller one, I say do it.
Post # 11
I feel the same way. We first set our budget and starting booking vendors a year ago. Now, with the economy the way it is, it sometimes feels like TOO MUCH. My fiance is very calm about it and says that every dollar we spend keeps the economy going, but sometimes I wish the money were staying in our pocket instead of someone elses.
$17K in NYC is great. I’m in Long Island and for 250+ people our wedding will run twice that at $35K.
If you are concerned discuss the wedding budget with your fiance. Times are tough right now, maybe some of your vendors will be willing to renogiate some items. It never hurts to ask. You may also be able to skim some costs, go through the budget and find the stuff that can be dispensed with.
Good luck with everything!