Post # 1
My exbf and I broke up a few months ago. We had been together almost two years and the last six month or so we were talking about getting engaged and moving in together (we are older so its not a fast timeline at all). He had told me he was on board and came up with a timeline. After the date came and went he continued to assure me that we would be engaged imminently, but our relationship grew incredibly tense. We talked wedding venues and dates but he seemed anything but excited…irritable, angry, depressed. Finally he told me he couldnt do it and had doubts, and brought up things I thought we resolved months ago, while picking me a part out of what seemed like anxiety and fear.
Anyway we did break up, which was an incredibly sad day, where he told me over and over that it was his fault, he sabataged the relationship, and he didnt know why he could not be happy. Since then I have tried to move on but I miss him so much, all I really want to do is be with him. We have been in touch a few times, but nothing substantial. And we both have profiles on all the dating sites.
Everyone tells me that if he wanted to get back together he would let me know, but I still can’t help but want to reach out. I know I deserve someone who will be as excited as I am about the future, but I also truly believe that we were great together and we can work through the issues we faced as a couple. Bad idea to reach out?
Post # 2
You deserve someone who is willing to commit and stay committed. It’s ok to express doubts and cold feet (this is natural), but I think when someone is willing to break up with you, they have their reasons. If he is interested in rekindling something (and I would be leary unless there was good reason for the breakup), he will contact you. Sorry Bee, but I think you should start over. I did, and I am really quite happy and will be getting married in June. I was in your boat exactly 3 years ago today. Things can change quickly and for the better.
Post # 3
Don’t do you. If you reach out to him and you get back together, you’ll never know if he’s with you because he really wants to be, or just because it was easy and you were there. You are doing all the work. He has to put some effort in.
I know you are lonely and you love him. But you want to be with someone who knows 100% you are the woman for him. Be patient that one day the right guy who is gag-gag for you and can’t wait to spend every day of his life with you will come along.
Post # 4
Move on. Stop holding out for him and commit to making your new life as good as it can be. When my ex and I broke up, I was miserable for the first couple months, just holding out hope that we’d get back together. Once I accepted that we would never get back together, I was able to start healing. If he comes back down the road and you can rekindle something, awesome, but don’t put your life on hold waiting. Keeping in contact with him is only keeping you from moving on.
Post # 5
Don’t go back to him unless he comes begging on both knees swearing that he’s changed. And even then, you should look at him with scepticism.
Post # 6
someday1 : NO! Delete ALL contact from him, you need to move on and you’re only holding on. This is not healthy for you. Remove him from your social media, stop checking his dating profile, and delete his number… no calls, no texting, no emails… No contact at all.
“Finally he told me he couldnt do it and had doubts, and brought up things I thought we resolved months ago, while picking me a part” e does not see a future with you.
“…out of what seemed like anxiety and fear” NOoooooo. This is you assuming. He was stating he wanted OUT of the relationship. You feel it was anxiety and fear, do not assume this to hold on to him.
He is already dating other people. Move on Bee, be happy in life.
Post # 7
someday1 : Bad idea to reach out? Yes.
He gave your relationship a long overdue mercy kill. Please don’t dig it up months later and attempt to resuscitate it, it’s just going to be sad and gross for everyone involved.
Post # 8
Yes, it’s a bad idea to reach out. Reaching out will only prevent your healing. Your friends are right; if he wanted to get back together, he would be telling you that.
I know how hard it is to accept. I have been there. The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to stop all contact with him completely. If you are facebook friends or anything like that, do not look at his profile. You need to pretend like he does not exist for awhile. You need to give yourself a chance to get over it, and don’t be discouraged if it seems to be taking a long time. Don’t dwell in the past.
Post # 9
I’m of the school of thought that an ex is an ex for a reason, and that getting involved with an ex again is like moving backward in life instead of forward. I know it can work out in some rare instances, but in every single case I’ve ever personally seen the same issues always eventually came back to haunt the couple and they split up again, sometimes with even more bitter feelings between them than before. I wouldn’t do it.
Post # 10
Girl, I have been there (twice!). Absolutely do not contact him. It’s true, if he wanted to get back with you, he’d contact you himself. He was the one who ended the relationship, he’s the one who has made no effort to get back together. That shows you just how much he doesn’t care.
It’s harsh, but I don’t want anyone to do what I did, where I wasted OVER A YEAR thinking my ex would get back together with me. He also pulled all those lines on me “you’re perfect, you’re amazing, I don’t know why I’m ending this…” Blah blah blah. What it comes down to is that you deserve someone who is never going to want to let you go.
Post # 11
someday1 : hello doll .Absolubtly NO I don’t think you should contact him . I understand after a break up you can think that maybe you could have worked through the issues because ” you were good together ” but it is very important to remember you are not good together because it ended in a break up and he didn’t make an effort to stay and fix it. Remember you don’t want someone who doesn’t want you …
Post # 13
Well, sometimes it is better to just reach out, give it one last try, just to see that there were nothing left to gain from it…. than to keep wondering what could have been “if only”…
Call him. It will really quickly be obvious if the two of you are ment to be, or if everything just turns out awkward. If the latter happens, you wont feel the urge to start dating him a third time.
Post # 14
Don’t do it!
I will tell you a short version of my story. I broke up with DH for very similar reasons. He was basically still touching bases with me every day after we broke up (basically getting clarification why I broke up with him and what I wanted / needed from the relationship moving forward) and he basically asked me back after about week. He was willing to make major changes to keep me this time around. He didn’t sit and stew for months. He didn’t make dating profiles.
This is what should have happened if your relationship was meant to work out. I’m sorry to say you should move on. I was willing to move on but I wanted time to heal. I don’t think you should be on dating websites either… maybe wait a half year.
Post # 15
Thanks for all of the responses. It definitely helps to read them. I know no contact is the way to go, I guess I am sill trying to make sense of it all. I asked him so many times leading up to our break up if he was sure about me, if he wanted to move forward, etc, and the answer was always yes until it finally was not. So either he was a jerk for stringing me along, completely out of touch with his own emotions and unable to communciate, or just had debilitating anxiety. I was hoping that the 3rd was the one and that after a few months maybe things would look differently….