Contact Ex?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You deserve someone who is willing to commit and stay committed. It’s ok to express doubts and cold feet (this is natural), but I think when someone is willing to break up with you, they have their reasons. If he is interested in rekindling something (and I would be leary unless there was good reason for the breakup), he will contact you. Sorry Bee, but I think you should start over. I did, and I am really quite happy and will be getting married in June. I was in your boat exactly 3 years ago today. Things can change quickly and for the better. 

Post # 3
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t do you. If you reach out to him and you get back together, you’ll never know if he’s with you because he really wants to be, or just because it was easy and you were there. You are doing all the work. He has to put some effort in. 

I know you are lonely and you love him. But you want to be with someone who knows 100% you are the woman for him. Be patient that one day the right guy who is gag-gag for you and can’t wait to spend every day of his life with you will come along. 

Post # 4
Member
4489 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Move on. Stop holding out for him and commit to making your new life as good as it can be. When my ex and I broke up, I was miserable for the first couple months, just holding out hope that we’d get back together. Once I accepted that we would never get back together, I was able to start healing. If he comes back down the road and you can rekindle something, awesome, but don’t put your life on hold waiting. Keeping in contact with him is only keeping you from moving on. 

Post # 5
Member
590 posts
Busy bee

Don’t go back to him unless he comes begging on both knees swearing that he’s changed. And even then, you should look at him with scepticism. 

Post # 6
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

someday1 : NO! Delete ALL contact from him, you need to move on and you’re only holding on. This is not healthy for you. Remove him from your social media, stop checking his dating profile, and delete his number… no calls, no texting, no emails… No contact at all. 

“Finally he told me he couldnt do it and had doubts, and brought up things I thought we resolved months ago, while picking me a part” e does not see a future with you. 

“…out of what seemed like anxiety and fear” NOoooooo. This is you assuming. He was stating he wanted OUT of the relationship. You feel it was anxiety and fear, do not assume this to hold on to him. 

He is already dating other people. Move on Bee, be happy in life. 

Post # 7
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee

someday1 :  Bad idea to reach out? Yes.

He gave your relationship a long overdue mercy kill. Please don’t dig it up months later and attempt to resuscitate it, it’s just going to be sad and gross for everyone involved. 

Post # 8
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, it’s a bad idea to reach out. Reaching out will only prevent your healing. Your friends are right; if he wanted to get back together, he would be telling you that. 

I know how hard it is to accept. I have been there. The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to stop all contact with him completely. If you are facebook friends or anything like that, do not look at his profile. You need to pretend like he does not exist for awhile. You need to give yourself a chance to get over it, and don’t be discouraged if it seems to be taking a long time. Don’t dwell in the past.

Post # 9
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m of the school of thought that an ex is an ex for a reason, and that getting involved with an ex again is like moving backward in life instead of forward. I know it can work out in some rare instances, but in every single case I’ve ever personally seen the same issues always eventually came back to haunt the couple and they split up again, sometimes with even more bitter feelings between them than before. I wouldn’t do it.

Post # 10
Member
19 posts
Newbee

Girl, I have been there (twice!). Absolutely do not contact him. It’s true, if he wanted to get back with you, he’d contact you himself. He was the one who ended the relationship, he’s the one who has made no effort to get back together. That shows you just how much he doesn’t care.

It’s harsh, but I don’t want anyone to do what I did, where I wasted OVER A YEAR thinking my ex would get back together with me. He also pulled all those lines on me “you’re perfect, you’re amazing, I don’t know why I’m ending this…” Blah blah blah. What it comes down to is that you deserve someone who is never going to want to let you go.

Post # 11
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

someday1 :  hello doll .Absolubtly NO I don’t think you should contact him . I understand after a break up you can think that maybe you could have worked through the issues because ” you were good together ” but it is very important to remember you are not good together because it ended in a break up and he didn’t make an effort to stay and fix it. Remember you don’t want someone who doesn’t want you …

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

Well, sometimes it is better to just reach out, give it one last try, just to see that there were nothing left to gain from it…. than to keep wondering what could have been “if only”…

 

Call him. It will really quickly be obvious if the two of you are ment to be, or if everything just turns out awkward. If the latter happens, you wont feel the urge to start dating him a third time.

Post # 14
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

Don’t do it! 

I will tell you a short version of my story.  I broke up with DH for very similar reasons.  He was basically still touching bases with me every day after we broke up (basically getting clarification why I broke up with him and what I wanted / needed from the relationship moving forward) and he basically asked me back after about week.  He was willing to make major changes to keep me this time around.  He didn’t sit and stew for months.  He didn’t make dating profiles. 

This is what should have happened if your relationship was meant to work out.  I’m sorry to say you should move on.  I was willing to move on but I wanted time to heal.  I don’t think you should be on dating websites either… maybe wait a half year.

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