Contemplating Divorce… never thought I'd be posting this!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I still think with some individual and couples counseling your marriage could be saved.

Post # 4
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sadbee:  It sounds like maybe you two aren’t compatible people, but you knew that going in. I’m sorry you’re not happy.. Those things don’t seem like enough “on paper” to want a divorce, but I think the fact that these small things are making you THINK divorce says a lot about your state of mind and happiness in the marriage. 

If you’re thinking you can say “I want a divorce” I think you should be able to say “I want to go to counseling”. Maybe just tell your husband that you don’t feel the spark that you used to, but you WANT to, and is he willing to actively work on it with you? If he says no, theres your answer. But if he says yes, I think it’s worth giving it a shot.

Post # 5
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sadbee:  I don’t think any of the issues you mentioned are worth divorcing over without giving counseling a try.

Post # 6
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sadbee:  What jumped out to me was the line “we rarely see each other”

I had a friend in your situation. She and her husband never saw each other due to work. They were at the point of breaking up.

I suggested to her starting as weekly date night. Doing something together for fun to bring the spark back. She did that. They love grew again and they are now the happy happy HAPPY parents of a sweet 2 year old.

If your DH is as sweet and hardworking as your say, then fight for him. Ask him how he’s feeling about your marriage and do you think cousleing or more dates would help?

I know my husband and I will periodlically ask each other how we are “feeling” about the marriage.

Post # 7
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@almostwebbee:  Agreed.  For better or for worse, right?

This just sounds like a rough patch.  If you can divorce this guy over things like what you mentioned – I’m going to go ahead and guess you’d probably get divorced again.  You might not think that’s fair to say but….for some reason none of those reasons really seem like good enough reasons to divorce the man you loved enough to marry.

Post # 8
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think a lot of these sound like they can be fixed.  But you have to want to fix them.  I think counseling would be a good option. 

Have you talked to your husband about any of these things?  I’d probably start with almost forcing yourself to make some physical contact with him- like the holding hands or maybe having him hold you in bed.  Even if it feels awkward at first, I think over time it would help a lot.  Or tell him you want to go to counseling to see if you can get back on track to where you used to be. 

Has he told you what he thinks about how things are?

It sounds like a rough patch that could happen to almost anyone, especially since you don’t see each other very often.  So I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker, and I don’t think it’s worth divorcing over without making serious efforts to fix (counseling).

Post # 9
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

There is nothing here that is alarming.  I think that if you two work together you can get on a good track.

Based on what’s written here, I would not be thinking of divorce.

Post # 10
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with a lot of the bees above: this sounds like a rough patch, not really a marriage killer. Open communication can solve these things. An honest conversation about needing that “Happy New Year,” and DH really listening and taking your words to heart can fix that. Maybe a little counseling for both of you. Sounds like DH could use some work on his social skills, and you need to work on accepting and loving the man you chose to marry.

Post # 11
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

I agree with pp, these seem like trivial things and I would try to “fix ” it before throwing it away. Though the fact that you wanted to break up with him makes me wonder if you were really in love (with him).

Post # 12
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t see anything here that makes me think you should get a divorce and it seems that he has done nothing wrong. Just talk to him or go to conseling. 

Post # 13
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

From what you wrote it sounds like your biggest problem is your opposite work schedules. Can you fix that? Can one of you try and find a different job so that you work similar schedules? Or like PP said, plan a date night, schedule time where you two can go out as a couple, and be intimate. Schedule a ‘sex’ night if you have to!

I think if you can fix the scheduling then the other things might fall into place.

Most of the things that bother you are minor, or you already knew and you loved him enough to marry him anyway – don’t give up on your marriage this easily. Remind yourself of the reasons you married him in the first place and get those back!

Post # 14
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sadbee:  It drives me crazy that we have to have “enough” reasons to get divorced. If you are miserable, you can leave! You don’t have to justify to anyone else. With that said, I wish the best of luck in making a decision. I know how difficult it can be.

Post # 15
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Also, instead of focusing on what he lacks socially, ask yourself how you can support him and help him overcome those problems. I suck at being social in places where I don’t know a lot of people, and DH understands that, so he moves me around the room, introduces me to people, finds common topics he knows I can talk about. DH is truly a partner in those settings. Maybe you need to work on doing the same for your man.

Post # 16
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@sadbee:  I really don’t think this marriage is a lost cause. The reasons to me dont seem like enough to want to end your marriage, then again, none of us are experiencing exactly what you are going through in your relationship.

It just sounds to me you are frustrated, these are problems many couples deal with. You have drifted apart and lost connection. I do know from experience that working different schedules really does have a major impact.

You are just going to have to figure out a way to get it through to him that you arr serious about implementing some changes on both parts. Maybe you could surprise him with a small weekend getaway and have some time to reconnect and discuss things.

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