Contributing to my ring?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@JhbBride:  if it doesnt bother him, why not? It is the thought that counts- not the financing.

Post # 4
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@JhbBride:  Why not accept the ring he can afford? 

 

Ill be honest – I get judgy when women get all picky and precise about exactly what ring and stone they will deign to accept right down to the minimum specs and size of the diamond. An engagement ring is a gift. While I think it’s fine to have some input on style preferences (e. g. diamond or gemstone, white or yellow gold, vintage or contemporary setting, etc.), if you’re going to be that demanding and exact you should just buy your own ring.

 

If you’re a modern couple why are you buying into the engagement ring thing at all?

 

It would not be worth it to me to risk hurting or embarrassing my FI by suggesting the ring he can afford just isn’t good enough.

 

Post # 5
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee

@JhbBride:  If knowing his personality, you don’t think he’d mind, maybe when you’re looking you can point out what you like and let him know that you know its really expensive and wouldn’t at all mind chipping in. My DH was thrilled when I said I would cover the cost of my wedding band since I wanted more bling than he anticipated. 

Post # 6
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My SO and I are currently in the process of saving for a ring together. We split everything 50-50 as is, why should this be any different? If it’s going to be something I wear every day, he’d rather I have say in the ring, and if I’m willing to chip in to improve that ring, he’s got no problem with it.

I didn’t ask my SO if it was okay, I just flat out told him I don’t like the idea of him taking on that entire cost. All it would mean is that it either takes forever to save, or he saves and I pay for everything else in our relationship.

I’m all for equality in this situation. Not everyone feels the same way, but I have no problem with it and neither does my SO. It works for us, and that’s all that matters.

Post # 7
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@JhbBride:  I was in a really similar situation. I felt bad about having my FI pay for a whole big ring when I knew he was broke and trying to save up for some important stuff for the business he’s trying to start. So the way I handled it is he bought my ring, but I said as an engagement present I wanted to help him buy his new camera. Then instead of me just buying my own ring, it’s us each getting a present.

Post # 9
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Zhabeego:  What does being a modern couple have to do with wanting an engagement ring at all? You don’t have to be old fashioned to want a symbol of your new relationship. I think you’re being really unfairly judgemental, there’s no reason it has to be a choice between letting the guy completely pick the ring with no input, or having no ring at all.

Post # 10
Member
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

I think there’s no problem with a woman contributing to her ring, and anyone who says otherwise is close-minded. This is not 1950 and woman can be and are equal contributors to a partnership. When you get married and combine finances, it’s all the same anyway, so what does it matter?

Post # 13
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I pretty much paid for my engagement ring. We had been together for 6 years, I made more money and I thought of ourselves as one at that point anyway. It didn’t make it any less special, do whats right for YOU. It doesn’t matter what other people think. My FI was a little saddened that he couldn’t afford to do it on his own, but understood that this is a life changing decision for the both of us; why shouldn’t I be involved just as much? I got to pick out something I liked (he like it too) and everyone was happy!

Post # 15
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@turtle9748:  +1000 couldn’t have said it better myself. You’re going to be wearing that ring forever, it’s more important than just a regular gift. You should have some insight into it, and it should be something that you love, not just something that you like. 

Post # 16
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@thunderberry:  +1 Thank God someone said it, haha. 

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