Controlling Mother In Law… need advice!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Okay, first off. It’s not her wedding. She’s not issuing the invitations, you are. So you have complete control over who gets invited to the ceremony and reception (sidenote people should be invited to both not one or the other).

 

Secondly stop expecting her to pay for stuff. Her unwillingness to discuss budget with you is your answer. She is not intending to contribute. That’s fine. She’s under no obligation to. PLan the wedding you and your fiance can afford. buy the decorations the two of you want. Set it up the way that you want. You don’t need to consult her. She can be off in her own wonderland. Since she’s not even discussing her actions with you you are under no obligation to use things she buys. Do your own thing. This is your wedding, not her. Don’t be a doormat. This will set the precedent for your relationship with her through out your married life.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

maybe try and sit her down and say….ok we are trying to get on top of counts of what has been bought and what NEEDS to be bought still….i have to know what you have bought so we dont end up with extras of one thing and none of another….or say….lets go shopping and go over what we still need to get for the reception….and its probably time to tell your FI to nut up and talk to his mom….just say hey….i dont feel comfortable you need to get a hold of her….

i also agree with pp stop expecting her to buy things….and if YOU pay for everything or the majority then YOU get 100% say in things….it is YOUR wedding…..see a theme here….

 

Post # 5
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Someone once told me I needed to “lovingly put my foot down” when it comes to my FMIL. I think that advice applies to your situation as well. You AND your FI need to lovingly remind her this is your wedding. While you appreciate all she has done and purchased this is your vision and the direction you are going. You also need to take inventory on what everyone has and what is still needed. 

Post # 6
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@arendiva:  this! No answer on budget IS your answer. You do not need to consult her if she isn’t contributing.

Buy your own whatever you want and if she shows up with hers that’s not you problem. I would try to discuss with her that you will be getting our own items that you picked out so that she can return what she bought. Say it with kindness but please say it before she runs roughshod over your wedding. And your FI needs a little push as well- it’s his mom! 

Post # 7
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

She may just be excited to help you plan your event. If you choose to speak with her, keep that in mind. Her heart is probably in the right place, but I also wouldn’t expect her to have a budget / planned contributions. If she hasn’t been forthright with that information, I wouldn’t expect anything of her. 

Just plan within your means, and if she says she’s picked up something for one party or another, tell her thank you, but it’s been covered all ready. Hopefully she gets the hint and steps back. If not, just be direct and gratious. 

Post # 8
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee

@bridetobe93:  please bear in mind that this is only the first step. She will be overbearing your entire life if you’re FI doesn’t stand up to her. It is his job to manage this situation. Think forward to children etc. are you prepared to have her co parenting with you? Unless you guys stand up to her, that’s where this is going. 

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