Post # 1
Yesterday, the FI and I were going out to go shopping. It was cold and rainy. I was wearing shorts. He insisted that I put on pants, saying that shorts would not be good in this weather. I finally agreed with him and changed my clothes. Needless to say, I did feel better and warmer. However, do you think that this is controlling behavior or am I over-analyzing?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Unless you have some other instances in which he forced you to change something because he didn’t like it or something else drastic… I think you are over-analyzing 🙂 It sounds like he was really looking out for you!
Post # 4
you’re over analyzing.
He probably knew that you’d complain about being cold and wished you had worn something else (is this something that sometimes happens? lol) so he nipped it in the bud.
Post # 5
@bearbear1: Based on this one incident, it sounds like he was trying to avoid you being uncomfortable and I’d say you’re overanalyzing.
Post # 6
lol. My husband does this to me all the time. He’s usually right, too. I think you’re just overanalyzing. 🙂
Post # 7
Do you whine and complain when you’re cold? He was probably looking out for HIS best interest! 🙂
Post # 10
I think he is just looking out for you. That’s cute.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Do you whine a lot when it’s cold??? Maybe he just didn’t want to listen to it. (That’s usually my husband’s motive)
Honestly, I think you’re overanalyzing it. He had a valid reason (which you agreed with however reluctantly) and overall it was a harmless issue. If it’s someting that you strongly didn’t want to do, or if he was pushing for no apparent reason– or an abstract one like “the shorts weren’t appropriate for where you were going” that’s a different story– but he thought you’d be cold, and he strongly insisted that you change, and in the end you were more comfortable as a result.
Post # 12
I would honestly have to be there to hear the tone of voice and see the body language. In this case, clearly it was good advice. But if I had decided FIRMLY for my own reasons that I was going to wear shorts, and he refused to hear me making my own decision about my own clothing — then we would have a problem.
Post # 13
Well, I over-analyze too 🙂
However, I have to say that someone doing something that IS in your best-interest…. can still be controlling and inappropriate. And I don’t take kindly to being “told” what to do…. no matter what it is.
When you say “I finally agreed…..” I imagine a 15-20 minute badgering session with him *insisting* that he won’t leave the house until you change your clothes, and you finally relenting and slinking back up to the bedroom to change clothes, like a 5 year old.
If, instead, it was a good natured “hey it’s cold outside. You should wear pants” and you said “nah I’m OK” and he said “and I know ya luvs the heat but yous gonna freeze you tushie” and you said “haha hold on and let me get my longjohns” That’s different.
So I guess I would ask about context. My mom was engaged to a man who was a HORRID BULLY. From HIS angle it was all in the *name* of her best interest. What she should do with her money. What she should fix for dinner. What she should wear. How she should do her hair. It’s fine for him to have preferences and for them to have conversations. But for him to *insist* she do things his way, is not ok. Because she’s an adult. Who lives in a free country. so. butt. out.
I drink soda. It’s bad for me. I know it. It’s in my best interest to stop. But don’t tell me to drink water. You’re not the boss ‘o me.
Post # 14
It’s not controlling behavior, he’s just looking out for ya! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind DH to bring a jacket, especially when we’re travelling–and most of the time, he forgets, and then I end up having to buy him yet another jacket when he has so many at home.
Now, if he was insisting you put on pants because he doesn’t want other men to see your legs, that would be controlling. But it sounds like it was because of the weather and not his personal preference for how you dress.
Post # 15
@bearbear1: I really think you’re over analyzing.
I know that the few times I’ve ignored my bf’s suggestions, I’ve regretted it. I can sometimes be pig-headed.
Generally (if not all the time), he is right and suggests things for a reason. This is why I wanted to be with an older guy lol.. lots of good advice.