(Closed) Controlling or looking out for my best interest?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Unless you have some other instances in which he forced you to change something because he didn’t like it or something else drastic… I think you are over-analyzing ๐Ÿ™‚  It sounds like he was really looking out for you!

Post # 4
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

you’re over analyzing.

He probably knew that you’d complain about being cold and wished you had worn something else (is this something that sometimes happens? lol) so he nipped it in the bud.  

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@bearbear1:  Based on this one incident, it sounds like he was trying to avoid you being uncomfortable and I’d say you’re overanalyzing.

Post # 6
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

lol.  My husband does this to me all the time.  He’s usually right, too.  I think you’re just overanalyzing.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Do you whine and complain when you’re cold?  He was probably looking out for HIS best interest!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Over analyzing.

Post # 9
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Overanalyzing…

Post # 10
Member
2832 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think he is just looking out for you. That’s cute. 

Post # 11
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Do you whine a lot when it’s cold??? Maybe he just didn’t want to listen to it. (That’s usually my husband’s motive)

Honestly, I think you’re overanalyzing it.  He had a valid reason (which you agreed with however reluctantly) and overall it was a harmless issue.  If it’s someting that you strongly didn’t want to do, or if he was pushing for no apparent reason– or an abstract one like “the shorts weren’t appropriate for where you were going” that’s a different story– but he thought you’d be cold, and he strongly insisted that you change, and in the end you were more comfortable as a result. 

Post # 12
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would honestly have to be there to hear the tone of voice and see the body language. In this case, clearly it was good advice. But if I had decided FIRMLY for my own reasons that I was going to wear shorts, and he refused to hear me making my own decision about my own clothing — then we would have a problem.

Post # 13
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well, I over-analyze too ๐Ÿ™‚

 

However, I have to say that someone doing something that IS in your best-interest…. can still be controlling and inappropriate.  And I don’t take kindly to being “told” what to do…. no matter what it is.

When you say “I finally agreed…..” I imagine a 15-20 minute badgering session with him *insisting* that he won’t leave the house until you change your clothes, and you finally relenting and slinking back up to the bedroom to change clothes, like a 5 year old. 

If, instead, it was a good natured “hey it’s cold outside.  You should wear pants”   and you said “nah I’m OK” and he said “and I know ya luvs the heat but yous gonna freeze you tushie” and you said “haha hold on and let me get my longjohns” That’s different.

So I guess I would ask about context.  My mom was engaged to a man who was a HORRID BULLY.  From HIS angle it was all in the *name* of her best interest.  What she should do with her money.  What she should fix for dinner.  What she should wear.  How she should do her hair.  It’s fine for him to have preferences and for them to have conversations.  But for him to *insist* she do things his way, is not ok.  Because she’s an adult.  Who lives in a free country.  so. butt. out.  

I drink soda.  It’s bad for me.  I know it.  It’s in my best interest to stop.  But don’t tell me to drink water.  You’re not the boss ‘o me.

Make sense?

 

Post # 14
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It’s not controlling behavior, he’s just looking out for ya!  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind DH to bring a jacket, especially when we’re travelling–and most of the time, he forgets, and then I end up having to buy him yet another jacket when he has so many at home.

Now, if he was insisting you put on pants because he doesn’t want other men to see your legs, that would be controlling.  But it sounds like it was because of the weather and not his personal preference for how you dress.

Post # 15
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@bearbear1:  I really think you’re over analyzing.

I know that the few times I’ve ignored my bf’s suggestions, I’ve regretted it. I can sometimes be pig-headed.

Generally (if not all the time), he is right and suggests things for a reason. This is why I wanted to be with an older guy lol.. lots of good advice.

 

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