Post # 1
This is my first post!
So here is the situation:
DH and I are 13 weeks pregnant with our first child which is all very exciting, emotional and overwhelming all at the same time.
I am American and DH is French and we are currently living in France.
We’ve just started telling our family and friends about our wonderful news. I thought this would be really fun to announce to everyone, but I am slowly realizing that as soon as the words come out of your mouth you open the opportunity for people to share all their thoughts and opinions about every aspect from pregnancy to birth to child rearing.
Yesterday we flew into Paris after spending some time with my family back home. DH’s cousin and his family stopped by to say hello and of course we told them our good news. Now this when everything got blown out of proportion.
When we announce the news, DH’s cousin immediately said oh I knew it the moment I saw you(to me) because he could see with the dress I was wearing. A shapeless shift dress that I have had and worn repeatedly over the past 4 years, so nothing unusual. So I respond saying that I have only gained 2lbs and I am not showing at all, I mean I still fit into all my pré-preg clothes (obviously this will change shortly). Then he tried to cover his gaff by saying that also in my face that normally is really thin, but now it has filled out or something. Ok so with that and the pregnancy hormones and the jetlag I just flipped out!! I mean I was completely vexed by the whole situation. I raised my voice and made a scene, which of course DH was mortified. The worst is that his cousin just kept on talking about it (he is someone who always has to be right and know everything about everything) Tears stinging my eyes, I felt so under attack, like so he is saying I’ve gained all the weight in my face. I mean I was just on vacation for two weeks, so I was able to eat regular meals and get a lot of rest if that is what he means. I am pretty sure it is a well known rule to never talk to a pregnant woman about her weight, weight gain, filling out or any other comment about her physical changes.
After they left, DH gave me a big talking to about my behavior. I could not calm myself down(which is horrrible for the baby). I was in a horrible mood for the rest of the day, including 5am when I woke up and could not sleep so I decided to reach out for your help. Of course I am super embarrassed, but I really need to find a way to control my emotions and mood swings because I do not want to repeat this again. I know full well that this will not be the only time that people are going to say completely inappropriate things. Has anyone else had this problem of being overly sensitive??
Post # 3
You just have to ride it out. Sorry to break it to you, but people say the DUMBEST things to pregnant women. I had a male customer at the store I work say “Have you gained some weight?” and he’s a stranger that didn’t even know I was pregnant and had only talked to once before! Some people think that when a woman is pregnant it’s okay to suddenly make comments about how their bodies look. I just try to let these kind of comments roll off my back.
Post # 4
@Ms_Meringue: oh lord. I totally feel you. Up until about week 15 or 16 I would cry about something every day. SOB. I cried more in the first trimester than I had cumulatively in 5 years. Maybe 10. It felt out of control and unpredictable.
So, yes, you are 100% normal. Your body is flooded with hormones. What you need to do is sit that hubby down for a talking to. He does not and cannot understand what you’re going through both physically and emotionally. He can not judge based on what is normal because you are not your normal self.
I am now almost 21 weeks and haven’t cried in a few weeks and feel much more like myself. But that’s me. You may be a little sensitive for your whole pregnancy. His job is to kind of take it as long as you’re not being mean or abusive.
Maybe next time you feel out of control you can excuse yourself to the bathroom? Just a little space may help.
Post # 5
@mamadingdong: Not been pregnant myself, but this sounds like a good idea. Maybe agree with your husband that if you turn to him and say “help me” (or an appropriate code word), he will immediately jump in to steer the conversation in a different direction or compliment you on something (e.g. “You’ve barely put on any weight, have you Ms_Meringue? In fact, you’re looking fantastic. Anyway, cousinsname, how was that trip to the mountains last month?”) I think you would feel more in control of your emotions (and supported by him) if you got him to help you out.
Post # 6
Just wanted to add that I had a MAJOR pregnancy hormone cry this morning over something stupid. There’s really no controlling it!
Post # 7
It’s ok to be sensitive. You can’t control your feelings or mood swings. But unfortunately you do need to control how you react and treat others. People say stupid things but you need to just let it roll off your back and keep it moving. It’s not good for anyone to lash out at someone and it won’t change the situation. Yesterday we told some family we were pregnant and they all said they knew because I have a rounder tummy. I’m 11 weeks and not showing at all. What they were noticing is the few lbs I gained since last time I saw them which aren’t baby related at all! Everyone wants to think they knew once you tell them! Someone else was like I knew because you went to the bathroom 3 times Today. Uh okay?! Pretty normal for me.
Post # 8
Thank you so much for your supportive and helpful responses! I had a talk with DH this morning and we agreed he would help me more if he notices me starting to overreact and getting overly emotional. Also that he will try to be a little more understanding to my fragile emotional state. I mean honestly when I think back to the incident yesterday I feel like I was definitely not myself.
So here’s to just smiling and nodding haha!!!
Post # 9
@Ms_Meringue: Sorry to hear about the cousin’s badgering of you when you announced your pregnancy. I would have lost it too! When I told my mom I was pregnant she said “are you sure?” I almost lost my mind, I mean who does that? Why don’t people just say “congrats we’re so happy for you.” I’ve been known to have quite the temper & I lost my sh*t on my SIL right after our engagement party in front of my inlaws. They actually suggested DH call of the wedding because of my reaction. It was crazy… Anywho DH has said a few things to me this pregnancy that have left me in tears & today I actually cried. He’s usually not even being mean. Today he’s out boating with a friend (something he NEVER does). And I’m at home with a migraine (I’ve had it for 36 hours now so I declined to go out on the boat). I’ve also been waiting for the plumber to come over because we’ve got a back up issue, gah! The plumber came at the end of the 4 hour window and 2 hours after being here was STILL working on clearing the clog. During this time I had a phone apt with an OB about my headaches and they sent a prescription over to the pharmacy for me. The pharmacy closes at 5. I was texting DH with plumbing updates but he wasn’t checking his phone. I finally called his work phone (which he always answers) and asked when he would be home because I NEED my prescription picked up by 5 but i’m stuck at home with the plumber. He asked which pharmacy it was at, and i told him. I then asked if he was going to do anything (i.e. be home by 4:30 so I could go the pharmacy or get off the water in time to drop by the pharmacy on his way home). He said “No I won’t be off the water until 6 so I can’t do that.” And I said “so you aren’t going to help me.” He said “no”. I started crying and said “bye” and hung up the phone and had a little pitty party for myself. Luckily the plumber got out of here with time for me to get to the pharmacy but I was still really upset that DH wasn’t around to help.
Post # 10
@ThePrincessBride10612: Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I’m not pregnant but I suffer from debilitating migraines so I know! Hope you’re feeling better!
@Ms_Meringue: Welcome and congratulations 🙂 So sorry you had to suffer the wrath of your DH cousin after a vacation! I can only imagine what I would do in that circumstance! I can tell you one thing, I probably would’ve threatened to go right back to the airport lol
Post # 11
i havent found it easy to control hormonal mood swings, whether it’s feeling angry…or sad or whatever. I honestly feel like im out of control and the emotions seem incredibly real at the time, even if afterwards i can recognise i got angry or sad for a silly reason.
The anger i can rein in a bit, but the crying? nope. DH is pretty laid back though and told me he knows the hormones are overwhelming so hes going to do his best to tolerate/support me when im ‘acting crazy’ and give me a hug. It helped that he went to a friends house baffled by my behaviour (he admitted he vented to them) and the friends wife told him it was pretty common during pregnancy and just to ride it out
i think its getting better though a little bit…now im past the first tri. hopefully you will feel a bit more stable too soon 🙂
Post # 12
@Chicagochic: Thanks! It’s always nice to have the support of someone who actually knows what it feels like to have a migraine. I’m waiting for the 2nd trimester miracle & the chance that the number of migraines I get will drastically decrease. =)
Post # 13
@Ms_Meringue: after not crying for a while, I went to see the butler today. I started crying at the previews and cried throughout. I was sobbing by the end of the movie. Damn hormones.