Conundrum regarding Dollar Dance

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

They are a trend in my area, but I hate them personally. To be a guest at a wedding should mean you don’t open your purse or wallet.

Luckily, in my area they are going out of style which is good because they are a breach of etiquette.

I wouldn’t do it if I were you.

Post # 4
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve only been to one wedding with it and I was honestly pretty shocked.  Like WHAT?  I have since come to understand that they’re a tradition in some areas but it honestly creeps me out a little.  It was so weird to see a grandparent bring a dollar bill up to dance with the bride…

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

These aren’t common in my area and when I DO see them I think it’s super… I don’t know I don’t want to use the T word but that’s what I think.

Post # 7
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’ve been to a few weddings in ‘chicagoland’ and have not seen the dollar dance, but all of the southern/central IL weddings I’ve attended have had them.  

 

We probably won’t be doing one. With that being said, when I attend a wedding with one, I’m not upset and I’ll usually throw in a few bucks.. I mean, a few dollars are not going to break me.

 

Post # 8
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I know its pretty common in my area too – but i refuse to do it.  Just seems super tacky to me.

 

Post # 9
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve never been to a wedding where there was one.  If I saw one at a friend’s wedding I probably wouldn’t think anything of it but because I’d figure it’s something they always do, their family or culture.  I wouldn’t participate because I wouldn’t have brought singles with me.  Now if it was my family then I might think it was weird, only because I know that it’s not something we do.  Maybe you can talk to your parents or other close family members and see what they think, how they think your family would react.

Personally I wouldn’t do it even if it was a tradition if FIs family.  Having singles thrown at me would make me feel like a stripper, not a bride.  Not that I would ever think that if I saw another bride doing it, that’s just how I personally would feel if it were me up there.

Post # 10
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Ugh, I am currently battling against this idea with every single member in my family.  I am super uncomfortable with the idea of relatives pinning bills to my dress (or in a cheesy little satchel as my mom suggested).  They are all expecting it as it is “tradition” but I read somewhere on this forum that this was a polish and italian tradition, something we are not, lol!

Post # 11
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@DelilahDiamond:  If it’s tradition in the family then I DON”T think it’s weird to do it. However, as a guest you never have any idea if it’s tradition so it just looks weird either way. I think one way to avoid that would be to have the DJ say “we’re going to do a dollar dance, this is a tradition in the groom’s family”. If someone actually took the second to say that at any of the wedding’s I’ve been too that have done it, I wouldn’t feel so put off lol.

Post # 12
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If you are uncomfortable at the thought I wouldn’t do it. I, personally, don’t see the harm. I know I wouldn’t have had one….but that’s just me. Some social circles find them hilariously delightful…

 

Post # 13
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@DelilahDiamond:  I personally am not a fan of them and did not choose to have one at my wedding. However, I have been to a number of weddings where people have participated in them.

If your parents are hosting and/or paying for your wedding, and they are not comfortable with this tradition, I do not think you should include it.  However, if your parents are not hosting or paying, and your FI and his family wish to include this activity, perhaps it could be done in such a way as to allow guests who would be uncomfortable to opt not to participate without feeling awkward.

For example, perhaps your DJ or emcee could announce the dance in a way that makes it seem more optional than expected. For example, “For those of you who don’t know, there is a tradition in Mr.DeliilahDiamond’s culture/family/part of the country (whichever applies) in which guests who wish to do so are able to dance with the bride and present her with small tokens of their love.  If you would like to join them, please line up on this side of the dance floor.  Everyone else, please continue to enjoy the music and conversation.”

Post # 14
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

NOTHING is being pinned to the dress I spent a ton of money on. I’ve seen it done on DH side but I think the dollar dance is dying. Just talk to FI and let him know you may not feel comfortable with guests having to shell out more cash just for a dance with you if you are opposed to the idea.

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’ve never been to a wedding that had one and only half understood what they were before reading this post, haha. Does it help to think of it this way: Which scenario would be more troublesome/awkward: surprising his family by not having a dollar dance? or surprising your family by having a dollar dance? Only you and your FI can answer that question for yourselves. Personally, I think there’d be more chances for confusion or upset reactions from your family if you DID have one. If you don’t have one, your FI’s family might not even think about it. Maybe it’ll pop in their head after the wedding, “Hey so and so didn’t do a dollar dance!” but I doubt they will care. You should probably bring this up with FI soon. As long as he’s okay with skipping it, that’s what I’d do in your shoes.

Post # 16
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@DelilahDiamond:  We did one. It was a great opportunity for us to meet and greet people and dance with people as well. Yeah, they give you a dollar (most of the time people give more), but it is optional. You aren’t being forced to participate so if you find it tacky, don’t participate!

You’re in a tough spot because your family doesn’t know what it is or understand it and his family likes it and has been to many dances where there is one. It shouldn’t make your family uncomfortable unless someone was forcing them to participate. I say, since it is a tradition or something your DH’s family likes to do, I would do it. The guys really don’t have a lot of say in many aspects of the wedding. I’d let him have this one.

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