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I think it's great you were able to look past religious lines when it came to falling for the man of your dreams. That said, Judaism and Catholicism are EXTREMELY different, as you know. You need to make a decision for yourself regardless of your fiance's or your family's beliefs. What concerned me about what you wrote is the fact that you said you would have no reason to convert to Catholicism without your future hubby. Do you believe in Jesus Christ being the Messiah? If you don't, you may want to reconsider converting to a religion that revolves around Jesus. I just hate to see you convert to a religion you don't 100% believe in because I think you will regret it down the road if that's the case. Best of luck with your decision. :)
Definitely convert for yourself, not for anyone else. Not your SO, not your family.
That said, they are your family, and so hopefully they will love and support you regardless of your choices in life. I would bring it up with them and hopefully you can work it out.
(Disclaimer: Lutheran bride replying here, engaged to Jewish man, neither converting.)
I agree with the OP that religion is (or should be) a choice. Though many people inherit their religious traditions, it is absolutely a free choice that adults can and should make for themselves, and we should honor each other's choices. You are not stuck with what you are born into. I have a friend or two who have happily converted upon marriage or basically let the spouse's religion hold sway in the household.
The question that kept running through my mind as I read your post is: where does your man stand on this? Does he want you to convert? Would he still be okay with your relationship and where it's going if you did NOT convert? Who suggested it? Why particularly do you want to convert? Do you find Roman Catholicism on its own spiritually meaningful?
I would echo other posters in advising not to convert to a religion with core beliefs that you don't share, regardless of the reason. Too much potential for resentment.
If, on the other hand, you do find that you share Roman Catholicism's core beliefs and that that faith is spiritually and religiously meaningful for you, converting may be a good idea, regardless of how things go with your fellow.
I think one of the things that makes it particularly tricky here is that Judaism (from this outsider's perspective) seems to be a religion that isn't just religion: it is a whole culture, and a deep tradition, and those aspects might make it seem bigger to your family than if you were switching from Lutheranism to Unitarianism, for example. So I guess be gentle with them, but be honest. Make sure they know how much you love them and how much you respect your family and its traditions. That you're proud of them and of who you are. But that this is the best choice for you.
If you're okay with sharing your family's traditions, especially with children you may have, that might be a good thing to mention as well, if you still want to come over for Hanukkah parties and Passover seders, that you're not abandoning that experience because you identify with a different faith tradition.
Ditto to Deathbydesign. If you convert, do it for yourself and not for somebody else. If you are Jewish and non-religious, how sincere can your conversion actually be? Are you being true to yourself?
Have you and your fiance thought of a mid-ground, something like the Unitarian Universalists. They tend to have services for both Jewish and Christian holidays, and they accept people who are not religious.
@cosmo1: The part that concerns me is where you said you would have no reason to convert if you weren't with him. Converting out of Judaism is a HUGE deal (as I'm well aware you know). I'm converting into Judaism, but I would be doing that regardless of whether I was with SO or not. Converting out of Judaism into something all about Jesus makes me kinda nervous, to be honest.
Well, you will for one learn a LOT in RCIA, so you could always wait until your RCIA is over and you have made the final decision, Yes, you BELIEVE what the church is and teaches and you covert and tell... or you don't convert and have an interfaith marriage (and no family drama's have needlessly occurred before you changed your mind.)
I've had many friends convert (from other protestant faiths) and many waited until last min to tell family/protestant friends. Some waited to even tell Catholic friends. There's so much to learn, and so it may very will be best to wait until you know for sure if you believe 100% in the Catholic faith and wish to convert. You do need to do it for it being the true faith, not just because you feel welcome or your FI is (but I'm so happy you feel so welcome by my faith!)
The good news about learning a lot in RCIA, is I imagine you will also learn a LOT about the background of the faith. Judaism plays a HUGE.... Humongous role in Catholocism. While our fundamental beliefs about Jesus are "hugely different" in the end, it's about the new vs old covenant. For you in Judaism, you have been focused on the old covenant God made with the people. It's a beautiful thing, but God sent his Son, Jesus, to make it "New." There's so many amazing things about the old vs new covenants and everything plays into it!
Where I was trying to go with this, is that if you learn where we have integrated a lot of Jewish customs/traditions into our faith, perhaps it could help you to explain to your family. Knowledge is huge power, but you may need to wait until you know it all :)
I would really rec. the book, "The Lambs Supper" by Scott Hahn for a full explanation of the mass. Scott Hahn also has a book, "Rome Sweet Home" which is excellent but it's more about a protestant/Catholic conversion... still a lot of great background and info in there though!
The biggest thing, is to really pray that God opens you to the path he is laying before you, whatever that may be. Pray for the knowledge to understand and be open to his will... and you won't go wrong.
Some of my friends have been through "hell" and back in dealing with their family and becoming Catholic, but prayers and knowledge (along with time) go a long long way. If it was me, I would wait until after my RCIA and I was firmed in my belief that I would indeed be baptized into the Catholic Faith....
I'm the most pro-Catholic person you'll ever meet, but based on this...
"Although I'm not converting for him, I am converting because of him, meaning I would have no reason to go against my family and convert if I wasn't with him."
and this...
"Converting for love - your man vs. your family"
I would strongly urge you to think through things a little more. If your FI left you right now, would you still convert? If not, don't do it. Eventhough your family is opposed, unless you love Jesus so much that you'd convert no matter what obstacle was thrown at you - even death as in the case of the early Christians - don't do it.
Thank you for all these kind and helpful words! When I said I'd be converting because of him, but not for him, what I meant was that if I was single, I would not want to go through the converting process on my own - I'd feel alone with no one to help me through it or share it with. And the outcome would be single Catholic me with my Jewish family. So, he is more of a reason, like a catalyst. This is also where the "converting for love" comes in - It's not literally for love, but he gives me the strength I need. He wants to marry a Catholic, and if I want to be Catholic (for myself) is that ok? I grew up celebrating Jewish holidays and going to temple, but I never felt a connection to it or a love for it. So, I have been doing plenty of research, but I think it's a perfect idea to take the RCIA classes to learn even more. But here's the bottom line: If my family approved (or even accepted it), I'd convert in a heartbeat. They're the only ones holding me back.
I really don't understand the whole "converting for marriage" thing. I mean, you either believe that Jesus is the son of god or you don't. I don't understand how marrying someone who is Catholic when you are Jewish magically changes your entire belief system? It always seemed to me that people do this to be "on the same page", but it really looks like people who do that are just going through the motions because it's expected that the couple have the same belief system. You shouldn't be converting if all you want is a church that feels "comfortable". It should be because you wholeheartedly believe in what the church stands for/espouses. (This coming from an Atheist from an Episcopalian family married to another Atheist of Jewish decent). I'm a big believer in not faking it - I think it is really disrespectful to join a church if you don't fully believe.
I think the biggest thing that jumps out to me is that you havent yet said whether you believe that Jesus is the son of God. If you dont believe so, how can you convert to Christianity of any denomination? Converting isnt about being able to celebrate holidays, its about beliefs. My husband is Jewish and I have strongly considered converting because I have always identified with the Jewish faith and I do not believe that Jesus was the son of God. That conversion would make sense, but Im not so sure about yours. Im sure you would go through a long and in depth process where you would have to ask yourself these questions....but its just something to think about!
I say follow your heart. Religion is a personal thing, and your family loves you and will come around. Even if they are initially upset.
As a lapsed RC marrying another - and we are still unsure about a church wedding - I have no extra info to help you, but I do wish you all the best.
@cosmo1: Well if you believe that then you believe that! But THAT was, I think, the huge selling point to everyone here.
If you wouldn't feel strongly enough about religion to do it as a single person, then don't do it just because you are married. If you feel like you 100% believe in Catholicism, then go for it. I just hate to see you make this decision for a man and not for yourself.
I know where you are coming from. My mom converted from Methodism "for" our family. She never would have gotten involved with Catholicism if she hadn't married my dad. She was going to convert when we were really little but, as she puts it, "flunked" RCIA and didn't go through with it. The priest could tell she was just doing it for the family and not cause she believed, so he encouraged her to not go through with it.
Beliefs are different than converting, and I think that's what your getting at. You can't change your beliefs for anyone; at the end of the day you'll believe what your heart beliefs. But physically joining the Church is a whole another matter. It's a big process, it's a verbal statement, a public proclamation of your beliefs, not just a private matter in your heart. Partaking in that process is often done with others in mind. My mom tried to convert before she believed, and that didn't work. When she did believe, it worked great. It sounds like you believe, but are wondering if going through the whole conversion process is going to be a benefit or detriment for you.
You are right that this might not be easy or might not necessarily make you happy. One thing I love about being Catholic is that it doesn't masquerade as way to make your life shiny/happy/perfect/awesome. It's about what we believe to be truth, and sometimes that truth doesn't lead to immediate happiness, but it does lead to God. Jesus says that there are times when following him will lead to division in families. It's hard. I think it's important for you to not reject your family, but continue to be there and love them. I think that's what a lot of families (from any religion) fear when one member converts - that you'll reject them first. In Catholic opinion, Christianity isn't a rejection of Judaism, but a continuation of it. I would suggest that when/if you discuss this with your family, tell them you aren't rejecting all they have taught you.
If you are going to go through RCIA (which I would recommend even if you aren't sure if you want to convert yet), you can always wait until you have decided to tell them. Your RCIA leaders will probably have good advice about how to handle situations like that.
Welcome to your journey home!
Why would you convert? I don't see why you would do that when you are marrying interfaith there is no reason for either one of the people to convert! You could still continue doing what you have been doing without changing religions. It is upsetting for parents to marry out of faith but to convert to other relgion that is opposite your family is wrong. I'm Jewish reform and FI is Christen not religious and neither one of us would ever consider converting.
@Lisamr:I don't think its wrong to convert!! Some religions, like Catholicism, require that you convert to fully participate in them, so you can't just "do what you're doing." You don't have to convert in an interfaith marriage, but its definitely not wrong to!
@Lisamr: Why is converting to another religion which is different from your family's "wrong?"
Are you getting married in a Catholic Church?
Otherwise, there is nothing stopping you from attending mass, reading the Bible, celebrating Catholic holidays, and raising your kids Catholic. Maybe it's cowardly, but unless you are getting married in a Catholic Church, you could put this off indefinitely.
@EleanorRigby:That might be true for other religions, but to receive the Eucharist in the Catholic Church you must be Catholic. So while you can still attend mass, you'd be missing out on the central part of the mass. But you wouldn't need to convert to get married in the Church.
In the early days of Christianity, converting was a guaranteed death sentence. People knew this and still converted and became martyrs - that's how much faith they had and how important it was to their life to be a Christian.
Looking at things from that perspective, someone getting a little mad at you over converting doesn't really seem like that big of a deal.
Oh you poor thing. I'm RC engaged to Jewish with no converting in the cards.
Something that you may not have considered is that, as a Jewish woman, you children will be considered, by orthodox Jews at least, to be Jewish. That means your parents will see them as Jewish children, which may be what they're so worked up about.
That said, only you know what you actually believe. I'm glad the Church has been welcoming to you and you've found a spiritual home there, maybe tell your parents that what they're getting from Judaism, you've found in Catholicism, and that you know how important their religious identity is to them, and now your (new) religion can be just as important to you.
That all said, best of luck!
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Ok so here is a brief synopsis before I get into the issue: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and we are headed towards engagement. We have an amazing relationship, but one issue. He is a realigious Roman Catholic and I am Jewish (non-religious) and planning to convert to Catholicism. Although I'm not converting for him, I am converting because of him, meaning I would have no reason to go against my family and convert if I wasn't with him. I enjoy celebrating the catholic holidays with him and going to church, as it is so welcoming ad inviting, and I feel more connected to his religion than mine, so I feel I am doing this for the right reasons.
So here's the issue: I am terrified to tell my family of my decision to convert! It's not like a division of christianity to another, it's a huge life change - Judaism to Roman Catholicism. My parents love my boyfriend and accept him as Catholic, but they have made it clear that being Jewish is so important to them. Where do I draw the line? I don't want to disappoint or hurt them, but I know this will raise hell, with a huge possibility of driving a wedge between myself and my family. On the other hand, I can't live my life according to my family and what they want and what makes them happy, because at the end of the day, it's not they're life, it's mine, and I have to live with my choices and live my own life. It's my happiness on the line here. I love my family and they have always been there, but I am terrified that once I tell them my decision, they won't be anymore, and I will have to choose between my family and my relationship. I also don't want them to think that I'm only converting for him. I believe religion should be a choice, not something you should have to follow simply because you were born into it. So again, where do I draw the line? Does anyone have any words of encouragement or advice on how to go about this? All opinions are appreciated!!