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Wow, I identify with so much in your post. Many of the issues you described were things that my husband and I encountered (and surmounted!). I converted to Catholicism (from nominal Episcopalianism) before our wedding. My husband was also a convert from Episcopalianism, but he was more serious about religion in general than me.

First, there is a lot of variation among priests and churches---I wouldn't chalk up the differences you see between the Catholic and Methodist churches you go to as being differences between Catholicism and Methodism themselves. The best church I have ever been to was a Catholic one (and I wasn't even Catholic at the time I went to it). What the priest would say in his homily (sermon) never failed to connect perfectly not only with the scripture but also with exactly how it related to real life. Sunday schools are also run differently from place to place, as are the religious schools. No matter what religion you settle in, finding a good parish is an important and difficult task.

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My main point, however, is that the dynamic between your fiance and you is probably about more than just religion. I see it as:

You both have strong opinions about a subject. You both agree more than you disagree. However, you are more flexible than he is. You adapt to see things from others' points of view, and you emphasize the positives if you can. On the other hand, he likes what he is used to. He values tradition and a "do as I say, not as I do" ethos. Change increases his adherence to his values, which appears as rigidity to you. 

His rigidity eventually makes you resent his viewpoints and opinions, even if you agree with 95% of those opinions. Your flexibility makes him fear that standards are being lost, and so he becomes more inflexible! He insists that certain standards be upheld, even when it doesn't make logical sense (such as sending future children to Catholic school because that would be traditional, it's what he did, and it enforces responsibility---even though he hated it). You feel you are at an impasse.

Am I anywhere close? And do you have this dynamic in other areas of your life?

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My husband and I have this flexibility-inflexibility tension in our relationship. There are positives to being on both ends of the continuum. Flexibility keeps you looking for the best in the things, but inflexibility makes sure that you hold up good moral standards and principles. You need both in a relationship to make it work, to balance each other out. It just takes some doing to get the knack of it sometimes.

I have to remember to look for the value in the viewpoint he is speaking from. I think when you talk to him about this, you need to express what your needs are from him, and also from a religion (because they are not the same, and your husband's representation of Catholicism is not how it is for everyone). For example, I need to know my husband is hearing me and acknowledging the sacrifices I make; even when I make them willingly the recognition makes a huge difference in how I feel. I also need a religion that had compassion and openness in it. There is a totalitarian, domineering side to Catholicism and there is also an open, loving, compassionate side of Catholicism. You just have to know where to look.

So I say, don't abandon the thought of conversion yet. Don't convert just for the wedding, and don't do it unless you really want to, for the beliefs of the religion, not just for him or future children. There are tons of great books out there for learning about Catholicism, pm me and I can send you a list! Catholicism will still be there after you're married. But to make sure this is the right marriage for you, you have to both be serious and open about who you are right now, not who you hope to be someday. Is he interested in being with you only if you share your religion? Can he be happy with the religiosity you have right now? And you with him? Let us know how it goes.

@acloyd, Yes, I am trained counselor, although I'm not working as one right now. Although frankly a lot of my insight comes from the fact that my husband and I have to navigate exactly the same personality conflict as you and your fiance!

If you're going to talk to your fiance about this again, you need to approach the conversation in a fundamentally different way. I would discuss the "new approach" before having the discussion itself. Otherwise, you are just going to repeat the fight that you have already had so many times. A mediator is frankly not a bad idea---that's what a counselor does, help you to express yourself in a controlled and orderly fashion.

Right now your fight is about personal attack. You feel like he doesn't respect your beliefs, and your feelings are not respectful of his. Maybe the secret solution you are both hoping for is that the other will suddenly admit they were wrong and evince a change of heart. Not going to happen. :)

The approach you need to take is problem solving and teamwork. Because even though your hearts may differ in some places, you do share a common goal. You want to build a loving relationship in which religion and spirituality have important roles. Keep that at the forefront and forget about who's right (hard to do!).

First, you don't need to hate your own church to like his as well. Each of you is going to have to make some sacrifices---and maybe not an equal amount of sacrifice---and each of you needs to acknowledge the sacrifice of the other proportional to its magnitude. So if you decide to go to his church, then you need to tell him what kind of acknowledgement and treatment you need from him regarding the issue. And he needs to tell you what he needs from you to acknowledge the sacrifice he is making (and there is a sacrifice there, though it may not seem like it---maybe the sacrifice is that he can't keep denigrating Methodism, which he is doing probably because he is afraid of it somewhere, afraid he will lose you to it and not be able to share a faith with you). 

It is less about him being right and more about you being happy.

It is less about you being right and more about him being happy. 

My personal example isn't about religion but it's about what happened when I changed my name. My husband wanted me to do it, and was never in a million years going to change his. He didn't really get what a big deal it was for me. I felt conflicted about it, deeply unsure, but leaning toward doing it because someone had to for us both to be happy. 

I said, "I am unhappy about it but willing to change my name for the greater good of our relationship and know I will be fine in the end once I get over it." He heard, "You question your love for me and don't want to be a real family [which the name change represents]. I am deeply hurt." Just when we needed comfort, we would fight.

Eventually I said to him, "I am changing my name and it is a sacrifice for me, but one I am willing to make. But what I need for you is just to say, 'it's going to be okay, I love you,' and to acknowledge and thank me for the sacrifice. That is what I need to feel better. I need to hear these words." And he said, "I need to know that you want to be with me and love me and that you are excited at some level to share my name."

I needed him to address my fear of losing myself and acknowledge my sacrifice and the goodness of where I had come from (read: your fiance to acknowledge that Methodism is not evil), and he needed me to address his need for unity and alignment with tradition and to be excited about the future together. I'd spent so much time complaining I'd forgotten to look at the positives! Once we started responding in this new way the issue was so much improved. If you substitute "faith" for "name" you might see a reasonable corrolary with what's going on with you two, I hope. Let us know how it goes :).