(Closed) convincing fiance to move sooner rather than later

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What is it about KC you hate to much that makes you want to move? Is it just the weather? I used to live in Georgia, and it DOES get old. The winters here suck, but people with SAD can get ultraviolet blue lights to help combat that, too. Oh and Georgia gets ice storms. 

The cons of living in the states you’re talking about is price. it is not cheap to live in those places and you’re going to get a HUMONGOUS sticker shock from Kansas City. No joke. DH’s little two bedroom apartment in Savannah was more than our damn mortgage. 700 sq foot apartment, 2,000+sq foot home. Yeah.

Do you have employment? Does your SO want to move, too? Or is he just doing it for you? Moving to a whole other place, well, I think both people have to be on board, too. Some of those states are heavily struggling for employment.

Look, i grew up in southern california. I now live in St Louis. Do i miss the sunshine? Sure. But you konw what, my quality of life is a million times better. We can actually afford to live in this city and live very comfortably. And i figure, that’s what vacations are for. The winters KILLED me when i was in college and outside all the time, but now that I work 7-330, I only really go outside like 3 times a day, for 5 minutes or under.

Just some thoughts! I miss the coasts, too! But the grass is always greener on the other side, too, and weather can’t always make you happy. Oh and it’s hotter than hell in georgia/carolinas during the summer. You don’t know humidity until you’ve lived there!

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have you told him all of this?  I think one of the hardest things in a relationship is agreeing to a timeline for the relationship!  He may not be thinking kids for a lot longer than you are.  

Also, right now is a really hard/bad time to just up and leave your job.  Can you maybe suggest to him that you guys at least start looking for jobs in that area and see what comes up. If something comes up then discuss moving.  

Also, maybe you can discuss narrowing down the location a bit.  Its good that you have a wide range and you are flexible but having it narrowed down a bit can be good.  

Florida is really diverse depending on what part of the state you are in.  It takes 8 hours to drive from Tallahassee to Miami.  From Panama City to Key West is like 14 hours!  Its a big state!  Texas is the same way.  In the Carolinas you have the beach areas but also the mountain areas.  

Maybe spend a year or so going on a few vacations and visiting some places and seeing what you like.  

Post # 5
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@caszos: I like that. I second it, go on vacations to different area’s you want to live.

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been to Kansas City a few times and I AM SO GLAD I DON’T LIVE THERE! I can totally understand why you want to leave! I also went to school in Ohio so I totally understand the SAD and dispair for winter, etc.

Shoot, I live in Virginia now and the winters are really hard on me here!

I would say, of all the places you’ve listed (all of which I’ve been too) Texas is your best bet. The cost of living is still low there, There’s a lot of anything. Academia, Corporations, you name it. Not only that, but Texas weathered the recession better than any other state. I’ve been trying to persuade FI to move me back to Texas. We’ll see, it’s not looking hopeful 😉

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The vacation idea is genius! That’s how my parents found the place they want to retire! In fact, that’s how they found a little gem of a town about 20 miles away from where they THOUGHT they wanted to retire.

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like you have a good plan together, then! In the meantime, I’d consider treatment when the winter comes. You can’t avoid it, but you certainly shouldn’t be so depressed over it to the point you’re having semi-suicidal thoughts. If there’s ANY underlying depression issue, it’ll follow you to Florida, too. Everyone I worked with, it seems, had SAD when I lived in Seattle because we came in at dark, left at dark, and never saw the light of day, so I know there are treatments besides medication. It’ll at least tide you over if you don’t move quickly. You’re making me miss the beach, though. It’s great your FI is on board. We live 1/2 hour away from DH’s family because there’s no way in hell i could ever pry him away. Sometimes it bums me out he’s not open to change, so I’m happy for you that your DH is. It’s hard to move away from family (mine’s all over the place, too)

Post # 9
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Thats great!  It sounds like you really need to just work on a timeline, agree on it with your FI, and then start working to accomplish your goals.  Know that a big move like that will not happen over night but focus on the planning (just like a wedding!).  Hopefully that will help you get through another winter.  

Maybe if you can pinpoint an area in Florida that you want to live by Thanksgiving then that will allow you to really job search throughout the winter.  Plus you have wedding planning so hopefully this winter won’t be so bad!  

I’m not sure what you guys do in the line of work, but South Florida has been the hardest hit in terms of jobs/housing.  If you are willing, there are other areas in the northern part of the state that have a much lower cost of living and some better job opportunities.  Even just going up north just as far as the Melbourne/Brevard area can bring in some better opportunities.  

Post # 11
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

One word:

ULTIMATUM

Just kidding. I like to play the “Wouldn’t it be nice game?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if a fantastic opportunity happened in one of the states that I prefer and we could go easily without struggle, like it was the next logical thing?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if my hubby was excited about moving and trying something new as I was?”

Then play the “Find the feeling place game”

Think about how it would feel to be in those places and why you would like to live there. Try to keep it positive about what would be great about there and not what is wrong with where you are.

Then appreciate everything that you currently have and all of the things that you LOVE about your life and where you live. Then guess what, that will get bigger! You will get more of that coming your way.

How to get the lover you want is to appreciate the lover you have. Don’t be afraid that by appreciating where you are you will be stuck there forever. Often, being happy and content leads to greater happiness and contentment.

Be happy where you are and eager for more.

If that doesn’t work, try an ultimatum.

Just kidding.

Post # 12
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s sometimes hard to move “just because”  Maybe you can apply for jobs throughout the south and see what happens.  And encourage him to do the same.  I like in Knoxville, TN and it’s really nice, winters are still cold and icy, but not Cleveland, OH (which is where I grew up).  I’m working in Nashville for the summer and LOVE IT HERE!  Sad to be going back to Knoxville, but that’s nice too.  The job market here is above average and the housing market is pretty stable as well.

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