Post # 1
For those of you out there who feel (as I do) you want an un-plugged honeymoon – how did you convince your new hubby to go along?
My FI works in IT, and is the most constantly connected man I know (he sits in the living room most evenings with a laptop in his lap, an iPad on the arm of his chair, and 2 or 3 cell phones beside him). In our everyday life, this is a HUGE hindrance to actually connecting, because I have to convince him to look up from the screen to see me! I have accepted it for the most part, but am totally not willing to embrace this for our honeymoon.
I want us to go laptop and iPad free for our honeymoon. One cell phone apiece is ok – but for emergencies only. I think it is super important for us to connect, improve our intimacy, and start off our married life right. He has a habit of bringing the laptop to BED with him, and I do not want to be in bed with him on our honeymoon – and have the only activity his tapping the keys.
Have any fellow bees faced this kind of situation? I’ve already told him I think it is a good idea to leave it behind, and he seemed to panic a little.
Post # 3
Hm I’d love that too.. But how about instead of a full ban, maybe suggest that there’s half an hr in the morning and half an hr in the evening where you can both use electronic devices. Enough time to get your (his) fix but not really enough time to impact upon anything else you want to do.
Post # 4
Or you could bribe him with sexual favours.
Post # 5
There’s a middle ground. We didn’t take our laptop or iPad on our honeymoon, but I did check in at work every day via email by going to the VIP lounge to use their terminals. It was great because I was still connected enough to work that nothing was going to slip between the cracks, but I wasn’t constantly plugged in either. It took 15-20 minutes after breakfast each morning while DH headed for the beach. No biggie.
Now, we took our iPad on vacation in May and there was free WiFi everywhere, even on the beach. I actually ended up working for part of an afternoon. I wish I had left the iPad at home because if I had been forced to use the resort’s computers, I probably would have just left that work for my return. It was a little too easy to stay plugged in.
Post # 6
@yaena: Is your honeymoon booked yet? We went somewhere with no internet and very limited cell service on purpose! It was great.
I agree that such a screen-addicted person might have a rough time going cold turkey and the anticipation of it might make him anxious about the honeymoon. Talk to him now about how serious you are about having an un-plugged trip and help him come up with a plan for scaling back in preparation. And yes, establish the rule that less screentime = more sexy time!
Post # 7
I like the idea of an agreed to amount of time per day. We both have jobs that demand too much time and cause too much stress, and work email (we have already agreed) is banned during our honeymoon for this exact reason. One quick check will very easily lead to us spending the entire honeymoon dealing with a situation (and wasting our vacation time, too!)
This is only a policy for the honeymoon, mind you – other vacations are free-for-alls (and it’s through experience that we’ve both seen this happen!).
I do know our resort will have Wi-Fi everywhere, so I am thinking if they have a business lounge, maybe an agreed upon amount of time in there per day is the better option. It does really grind me the wrong way to think he feels checking in on Facebook is as important as being on his honeymoon (and that is definitely where he will go!), but if it keeps the laptop out of the bag and off the plane – well, might be worth it.
Post # 8
@yaena: Let him bring one piece of technology in addition to his cell phone, but make sure he sets aside some time to use it.. and sticks to that time.
For example, my SO is an executive, so it’s unrealistic to expect that he will disconnect completely for an entire trip. He only checks his iPad/Blackberry twice a day, though. Also, I love to sleep in and he’s an early bird, so he’ll go on his iPad (on the hotel balcony or other side of the room or whatever) while I’m asleep. If I don’t know about it, I don’t care lol.
Maybe while you’re getting ready to go for dinner or in the morning might be a good time for him to go on his iPad or whatever.
Don’t forget that it is his honeymoon too, so he should be able to enjoy himself.. even if that means he does some stuff you don’t like. I do agree with you though that he does sound excessily plugged in and needs a break from it!! Like what’s the point of going on vacation if you’re doing the same stuff you can do anywhere else?
Post # 9
I know this is going to sound spoiled BUT (what a lead in, yikes) – I really want to stick to my instincts about this. I just know how it has played out before on other vacations. I tend to wake up first – get up, end up going for breakfast alone, come back and then he finally wakes up (around 10 or 11 am). We spend the day together – then, as I am tired around 11 pm, I go to bed – and he turns on the laptop and stays up until 2 am or more. And the cycle repeats. I just think that if we kick the laptop out of the hotel room – well, we might actually go to bed together – and it would do wonders for us, as a couple.
As for the idea that it is his honeymoon too – of course! However, we also made an agreement months ago. As you may have guessed, my FI and I are very opposite. (Haha.) Which means, we wanted very different things for the wedding, too. In the end, he won about 90% of the wedding battles (so my dreams of a small, intimate, casual beachside wedding ended up in a downtown, city, formal, tons of his family, extended family and friends, loud rave-like party wedding – which I am planning and he is overseeing, essentially). I agreed – on the condition that while the wedding ended up catered to his tastes, the honeymoon would be catered to mine. It seemed like a fair compromise, since there really wasn’t a way to blend. Our location fits both of us – lots of activities to do for him, and a beach and sunshine for me, so we can choose to alternate our time – but I kind of feel like him leaving the work, and laptop, behind, are part of him holding up his end of the bargain we struck.
Maybe I am way off on this one?
Post # 10
@yaena: have you already planned it? I would say your best bet is to go somewhere with limited access. We went to Belize a few months ago and I think spent a grand total of 20 min online during the whole week.
also, keep busy! We had adventures planned for a lot of the time.
Post # 11
My other half and I are the same exact way. And it drives me nuts. He’s constantly on his phone. Whenever we go on vacaction (we are cruisers) we don’t get cell phone service- OH NO! 🙂 and we don’t take computers. Our last two vacations he’s used the computers on the boat for at most 20 minutes the whole vacation. It was so nice to be connected to him and him not connected to electronics. For our honeymoon we’ll be cruising too and I am SIKED about no cell phone services and limited computer time!
I would say, express to him how you really feel and maybe he’ll understand. I mean, I understand compromising but it doesn’t hurt to ask it out of him.
Post # 12
Thanks all! I took the advice, got to the heart of the concern, and he is now on the same page (or at least, nearly there)!
Post # 13
@yaena: It is me that has to be “un-plugged”! LOL! My FI has already forbid me to take my computer with us. Fortunately, on a cruise ship, even though you can use these things, it costs a fortune. So that will be a deterrent.