Cooking every night? HELP

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course

I would say that if you are going to do all the cooking, your FI needs to pick up the slack in other areas of the house! He should definitely be cleaning up after you cook, and maybe a few extra chores as well, maybe the vacuuming and everyday tidying of clutter? It only seems fair!

I don’t have experience yet as we live with FI’s parents and they do the cooking, but me and my FI have talked a little about how to divide up chores. He isn’t the type of person that would just say “hey, this floor needs vacuuming”, but he’ll do it if I ask. I’m the kind of person that feels like I’m nagging if I have to ask, so we discussed it and he suggested we make a schedule or something so I don’t have to tell him every week what needs doing. Hope that helps a bit!

Post # 3
6798 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I do most of the cooking because I’m a better cook and I enjoy it. He does the laundry and walks the dog twice a day (I walk her once a day too). He also does a lot of the light tidying around the house and we get a cleaner in once a week for deep cleaning. It works well for us. He does cook every now and then, and I’ll clean up when he does (personal choice on that because I usually clean when I cook). So it’s a good balance. I do cook a lot of meals like soups where we can have it for diner two nights in a row because I like a night off now and then.  we never really discussed this stuff. We just kind of fell into the routine. We basically each do the chores we don’t mind doing and when it’s something that only has to be done occasionally, like mowing the lawn or shoveling snow, we just take turns.

Post # 4
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I got married in March and moved to a new state where I’m still not working (currently job hunting). Since the move, since I’m home, I’ve been doing all the household chores (he’ll take out the garbage at times or do laundry or fold it for me while I’m cooking) and making our meals since I have the time and my husband will sometimes work a 12 hour day. 

It’s fine with us. Some nights I’ll make a more time consuming dish, other times I’ll just do a simple one, depending on how lazy I am. And some dishes that are good heated up the next day, I’ll make more of to purposely have left overs so I don’t have to cook the next day. 

Once I start working, I’ll probably still do the cooking because I enjoy it. Things like laundry we’ll both do, not a big deal. And in terms of cleaning, to be honest, I plan on getting a cleaning lady once a week when I start working again. 

Post # 5
7586 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you do most/all the cooking, let FI do the dishwashing and other kitchen cleaning. See what household things he likes to do. You guys are a team!

Post # 6
2016 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I do most of the cooking and the rest just kinda happens.  He usually scrubs the shower once a week or so when he’s in it, and the rest we split between us usually.  To be fair, he does do a bit more cooking in summer as we use the BBQ a lot more and that’s his territory, but I’m still the one planning and organising the meals.

Post # 7
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ljubav:  You and your FI are like DH and me. Except switched. But since I’m a SAHW I have taken on the house stuff! I used to never cook, and I was of the “burn the house down” variety. But, I took it slow, and started with really simple recipes…! I agree, cooking everyday can be exhausting, especially when you’re getting more adventurous! I don’t cook when DH is off, because he used to be a Chef, he’s MOST OCD in the kitchen, and he hovers and tinkers with things and it really bugs me! But it’s nice to contribute to the house stuff 🙂 

Post # 8
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

Ljubav:  I do most of the cooking, but I will get his help with it if he’s home earlier than I am that day. He will help around the house if I ask, but generally I like to do the cleaning on my own because I’m extremely particular. 

He gets home before I do four days per week, so I will pull out whatever I am planning on making either the night or morning before depending on where I have to be and at what time. If it’s something that needs a lot of prepping I will do all of that and then leave it in the fridge with instructions for him to pop it in the oven. That way I can just make side dishes and do whatever else needs to be done. He knows how to make simple things like pasta and tacos, so we also eat that a lot when I’ll be late. 

As for balancing it all with cleaning I try to stick to a schedule. I can dust our entire apartment in like 20 mins, so I will do that on Mondays while I’m cooking. I wipe down the counter tops after we feed the cats at night, change the litter box and sweep the floor in the bathroom before bed, and keep the bathroom sink cleaned off on a daily basis. I vacuum every other or every third day (we have a long hair cat), and then I will mop the floors while I do the laundry. we also clean bathrooms once a week. I do most of that, but SO usually cleans the shower. I also made it clear to him that I do laundry once a week, so he better not go through all of his clothes by Wednesday because I wont do it until Friday. 

This is just what works for us, bit I find that doing a little bit each day helps so that it doesn’t get overwhelming. Since I also clean counters and a little bit of the bathroom everyday there is less of a need for deep cleaning when everything gets gross. Good luck!

Post # 9
2416 posts
Buzzing bee

Ljubav:  We are coming up on our third wedding anniversary and we are still trying to figure this out, lol.

DH is an excellent cook and up until very recently, I was working insane hours at a very stressful job, so by the time I got home he had already had fixed his own dinner and I had gone through the fast food lane.

However, with DH’s blessing I have now quit my sucky former career and have a much more laid back work schedule. This combined with DH having just been diagnosed with high cholesterol, means I am now going to be trying to spend more time in the kitchen, and looking for heart healthy recipes on Pinterest. So, we’ll see how it goes. 

Post # 10
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ljubav:  i do all of the cooking. However, i often do a large amount of food at the beginning of the month that I can freeze for easy meals. I will make homemade burgers and freeze them uncooked as well. my slowcooker is also my friend. I can put on a stew before I leave for work and just cook the rice when I get home. 

The idea is was I would cook and dh would wash dishes but normally with his work load I end up doing those as well. Thankfully we have a maid one day a week for mopping floors etc. 

Post # 11
4756 posts
Honey bee

Ljubav:  Hubs is the better cook, I hate cooking.  but we don’t eat together often (work opposite shifts to watch our daughter).  He watches our daughter the majority of the time so I do more housework and cleaning to make up for it.

Post # 12
576 posts
Busy bee

Ljubav:  I’m lucky that my husband is a very good cook, so he does most of the cooking – but I help most nights too – he just directs me!! Lol.  I do most of the inside cleaning though – he mow’s lawns etc outside.  I work shift work, so am not home a lot of evenings – so husband will cook for himself too on these nights.  Sometimes i’m even lucky when I come home from a long shift and he has been cleaning the shower!! I think it helped that he moved out from his parents at age 17 (he’s now 31) and learned to do things for himself 🙂

Post # 13
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I do most of the cooking because I love cooking and baking. My husband does breakfast every morning without fail. He does dishes a lot and peels and chop up the vegetables for me when I cook. I throw the washing in the machine and he brings it in from the line. I do all the ironing though.I can’t take chances there. We vacuum once a week and anyanybody interested does that. We never had to discuss it. It just happens and it works well for us. 

Post # 14
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ljubav:  Well with us it is ho gets home 1st from work – cooks. On weekednds I cook dinners and he washes dishes, also he helps with peeling/choping ( I have a problem wrist). He does cook lunches sometimes.

Is cooking larger potions an option? I sometimes cook extra and just freeze the potions for ‘lazy’ nights. Also my ‘cheat’ nights are chicken or fish ( or sometimes veggies) Baked in the oven ( quick!) + salad, if he wants, he makeshimself instant mash.


If you are stay at home ‘wife’ and he’s working then you  will end up with the lot. If both of youare working/studying then def its a good idea to establish a share of chores.

Post # 15
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Because we work at diferent times we both do our own food making but I am the one who will cook up meals and freeze them. If we are at home together and we are eating then I will make DH help me in some way, shape or form. This may be something like chopping vegetables or taking care of a specific part of the meal if two things are cooking at once. I always give him a choice (unless it’s something I don’t like/cannot do) of what to do to help out.

When it comes to household chores we have seem to have given ourselves roles without speaking about it. We  both do the washing up but he probably does it more than me. We both do the laundry but because he is home during the day he will do it more. I seem to be in charge of overall cleanliness of the house and he does the rubbish, recycling and garden. We both clean out our guinea pigs.

I think it would be a good idea if maybe you did the cooking together, give him small tasks to do and progress him from there. See what happens when you move in together, he may surprise you and pull his weight but I would say that after two weeks he hasn’t done anything then I would speak to him about the fact that the ‘magic cleaning fairy’ is in fact sadly not real and he needs to do something.

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