Post # 1
My Mother is 100% against me marrying FI. Whenever we speak, she always tries to pin anything going wrong in my life on him. She has never met him, and only knows basic information about him. She doesn’t like anything about him-but her reasons have only been that he has kids (I have a child as well though), he’s been divorced (so have I), he doesn’t make a lot of money, and she doesn’t like her perception of his upbringing.
She’s already told me she isn’t coming to our wedding, and I’ve been coping with that. However, I am not sure how we will move on together as a family in any sense. For instance, she had wanted to skype with me and my son this morning, but when she found out he was visiting, she refused to skype.
What can I do? It’s sad and embarrassing.
Post # 2
It’s really unfair of your mother if she hasn’t even met him and hasn’t given him a chance. I would point that out to her. She sounds impossible.
Post # 3
Has she been like this with your previous bfs? She sounds pretty irrational.
Post # 4
She sounds like a toxic person.
Post # 5
Why hasn’t she met him? I assume she lives far away, but do you ever visit her (or vice versa)? Can you arrange for them to meet then? How long have you known your fiance?
She does sound very unfair and unkind. She shoud be trying to do everything she can to get to know the man who will be your husband, not to mention your future stepchildren.
Post # 6
If she refuses to even skype with you if he’s around then how is she planning to be in your life at all after you’re married? Ask her if she’s ok not having a relationship with you and your son in the future, because that’s what will happen if she keeps removing herself from the picture.
Post # 7
I would let her know that the two of you are a package deal and that she needs to move past her feelings if she wants to keep a positive relationship with all of you. Let her know that her actions are hurting you and your relationship with her, and that you love her, but need her to at least be civil to your FI and keep her negative opinions to herself.
Post # 8
Personally I would tell her either she accepts who you are with or she will have no relationship with you and her grandson.
Post # 9
100% agree with orchidblooms.
Additionally, your mother is acting like a child. Do what makes you happy. If your mom cuts you out, it’s her loss and entirely her fault.
Post # 10
Yep! As pp have pointed out, you need to tell her that you ARE getting married. There’s no question about that. He WILL be part of your family unit. He WILL always be there right beside you and your child. And she needs to accept that because that is how things are going to be. She doesn’t need to like him, she just needs to tolerate him and not hate him or talk bad about him.
Post # 11
She’s putting pressure on you on the chance that your love for her and respect for her judgment will influence you moving forward. In other words, you are not married yet. Unsavory as it can be, this can be effective, especially in situations where the relationship between parent and child has historically been close. It’s also quite risky.
Tell your mother point blank that you love this man, and are committed to him forever no matter what. It is her choice whether or not to be a part of your lives or not, but nothing she does or says will have any impact other than to be destructive to a future relationship. She doesn’t have to privately like the idea of you marrying someone with responsibility to a child or who doesn’t earn much, but you won’t tolerate anything other than courtesy and respect.