Post # 1
Ok, please someone help me out here…
My new SIL is borrowing/stealing/reusing so much of our wedding vendors and supplies and it is driving me crazy. I am not sure if I have a right to be upset, but it just seems like I did all this leg work for my wedding in September and she is just using all the “research” that I did for her April wedding and I don’t feel it’s fair.
My husband (SIL’s brother) sides with me and my mother thinks I am crazy and keeps saying it’s flattering and I should be nice.
So far she is using our same
- hair stylist
- makeup artist (person friend of MINE!)
- dance lesson teachers- again family friends
- bridesmaids gifts (copied to a T- she was one of my BM’s and I am one in hers)
- OOT basket ideas
- my entire day of arrangements
She also is taking my pocket sized day of itinerary and having her event planner make them for everyone in the BP. Mind you, I made all mine and found out how to do it and now this event planner thinks it’s a genius idea and plans to use it for all her future brides. I forgot to mention I am starting my own event planning business on the side and so basically she sold out my idea to my competition. Uggh! I know I did take this idea from another bee, but still I figured out the cute little size and folds, etc on my own.
I mean I know some of these vendors are invisible to the guests and some of the other things will be pretty blatant that she copied my to his family (OOT, DJ) and that I came first, but still.
Do you think she should be working harder on doing her own leg work? Even her father picked up on how much she was copying us…I mean men never pick up on such things!
Am I just the crazy one? Should I be flattered??
Post # 3
Stop telling her what you are doing!
The answer to her questions is” I’m not sure- I haven’t decided yet”.
If all else fails, remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Post # 4
I’d be peeved too, but you really can’t do anything. I know you’re a bridesmaid, but can you be one of those distant bridesmaids who isn’t super involved? That way you can focus on other things, instead of getting angry everytime she steals another idea. And if she comes to you for advice, maybe have a backup from your event planning business so it isn’t another thing she is “stealing”. Yuck.
Post # 5
@julies1949: She already had her wedding, so there is nothing that she can do to stop her SIL from taking the ideas that were already used.
Post # 6
My cousins wife essentially had a repeat of my sisters wedding.
Same colors, same venue, even wore the same dress!!! Same vendors and everything. Can you say stalker! However, there is something quite flattering about it even though it’s crazy.
Post # 7
Sorry, didn’t look at the wedding date as so many of them are wrong anyway.
Post # 8
From now on I wouldn’t give her any information. Tell her you’re still thinking/haven’t decided/can’t remember ANYTHING to leave her to herself. I don’t understand why she’s using you if she’s hired her own wedding planner. I wouldn’t be too worried though since vendors love referals and it’s not like their wedding will be just like yours! Just stick to yourself and even change some things if it makes you comfortable but don’t worry that much.
Post # 9
It is annoying but maybe you should take it as a compliment. Your wedding was so amazing that she cant think of anything better for hers. Since your wedding was first its not a huge deal but if she was taking your ideas and your wedding was after hers, then it will be a problem.
Really she copied the bridesmaid gifts?
Post # 10
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
On using the same hair/makeup- I would take that as a major compliment. It’s hard to find good people for that and when you do, you tell other people, right? So, your SIL is giving business to your friend, I wouldn’t worry about that (be happy that you know you’ll end up looking good again!)
Everything else- I would be annoyed. It takes FOREVER to research everything and make decisions, it’s like she is taking a shortcut.
Maybe she doesn’t “care” about making some things “hers”. Instead, she saw things she liked and went well (such as the DJ) and wants the same?
Does your MIL encourage her to look for her own ideas? I’m big into personalization so I don’t really understand why someone would do what she’s doing but maybe she’s just not into details?
Would it be out of line to ask her to not share certain details with her planner that you created, that you want to use for your own business? IDK if you have that type of relationship with her where you could say that.
At the end of the day, I think you should be flattered. You did an outstanding job with your wedding and she wants the same.
Post # 11
@mwitter80: the same DRESS too?? That’s just bizarre. and WAY creepy.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Honestly, unless she’s doing the same EXACT things on all fronts (colors, music, dresses, etc.), she’s just being lazy. She’s a lazy bride and doesn’t want to do the leg-work in finding her own vendors or different ideas. I’m sorry her planner is using your idea, but one idea won’t make or break your business. If she doesn’t know which vendor you used in the past and asks, just tell her you don’t remember. I don’t think you’re being crazy, and I would be irritated too, but it’s nothing to be quite so angry over, especially when you can’t do much about it.
Post # 13
I really don’t think it is a big deal at all. Your weddings will be far enough apart, and even if they weren’t, vendors don’t just copy what they do for each wedding. If you got the best in the area, why wouldn’t she want to use them too? She knows they did a great job with your wedding, so they can be reliable to. I don’t blame her one bit. The weddings will still be completely different.
Post # 14
Don’t worry about it. Obviously you picked your DJ, hairstylist, etc for a reason. People have already been at your wedding. I’m actually expecting some of my friends to use my same vendors… And they should! I spent HOURS looking into all of my vendors. I’ve also kept an excel file of ALL the vendors I’ve contacted (with basic details and pricing info) so others won’t have to start at ground zero like I did.
If she’s SUPER copying you, I can see how that might be annoying. But take it as a compliment.
Post # 15
I really don’t see how this is a problem. Perhaps she did her own research and just happens to like the same people as you did.
No one but you will know who did your hair or makeup so why does it matter if she uses the same one? Using the same DJ will be good because hopefully you will also like the music at her wedding. As for OOT bag contents, did you not get ideas off the internet and blogs for that?
Sorry to be harsh but I think people get too wrapped up in their own wedding and lose reality. Its not as if she is stealing your centrepieces, colors, etc. NO ONE will notice any of this stuff besides you. I think you have no reason to be upset.
Post # 16
I would be happy that someone is using my vendors, etc, if they like them. I did all my planning myself, with some help from my mom and FI, and if I can save someone from all that work I would be gald to.