Post # 1
When two of my closest friends said they were choosing the same CHURCH I got married it, I was surprised and a little upset.
Now one says she is choosing the same church and same priest.
Another is choosing the same church, wants the same caterer and has chosen the VERY SAME SONG I chose to walk down the aisle and I am so mad I can’t contain myself. THe song had a very special meaning for me and even before I was married I told BOTH these girls how much I wanted it to have special place at my wedding.
By the way, neither asked me if it was ok to use the same venue, priest, caterer, song. Just went ahead and nonchalantly announced to me , a bridesmaid at both.
Should I let it go? How would you deal with it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
Unfortunately there is not a whole lot you can do about copycats. Just take it as a sign that they think you have amazing taste! And maybe don’t share any more details with them until the big day! 😉
As for the church: did you guys all go to church there or something? Because that would be understandable.
If you really feel strongly about her using the song, that might be one area that it’s OK to discuss with her, because while changing a venue or a vendor is a big hassle, changing a song wouldn’t be. Just be sure you approach the subject calmly and collectedly.
Post # 4
Could you provide us with a bit more detail? Do you live in a large metropolitan area where it would be odd for everyone in a small circle to choose the same venue? Or are there only a few choices for caterers and venues, and you picked the nicest ones?
Is your wedding song really unique, or will it appear in every list when you google ceremony music?
I think my level of unhappiness would be affected by how unique each of these individual components were. As a second bride (my brother got married one month before me) it is a very tough balancing act to try to create the wedding of my dreams while making it distinctive since I don’t want it to look like I was copying the other wedding. I tried to make sure that anything that they chose that was really distinctive would be different from my wedding (like their first dance song, which was Italian opera), and didn’t worry about having similar choices for things that were very common (like red for the bridesmaids). It’s tough since the last thing you want on your wedding day is to regret the fact that you gave up your dream venue since your friend already used it, but on the other hand you don’t want your guests to be sitting around thinking, "damn I just saw this at XYZs wedding! Can you believe that b*tch stole everything!"
Post # 5
There are tons of knockoff’s out there, but none are ever as great as the originial 🙂
Post # 6
the thing is even if they have the wedding at your church with your priest, etc, it will never be the same as your wedding. the thing there have been many marriages performed at this church with the same priest. altho you may not like it, its their wedding and its up to them how they want to celebrate it. i mean i wouldn’t be thrilled either and altho i would hope for someone to run it by me beforehand, i dont think they are really thinking about your feelings when planning their wedding. so i say be annoyed but let it go because you will shine at your wedding no matter where it is, vice versa
Post # 7
If you’re all from the same hometown and of the same religion, I could see how they might make some of the same choices as you did. I know we considered using the same church as my best friend and we had our reception at the same location as she and her husband did. We definitely weren’t deliberately trying to copy them, but we also wanted our wedding in the same town and my husband is the same religion as she is.
If you can, try to see it as a compliment. They probably saw how great everything was at your wedding and wanted to have the same wonderful day that you did!
Post # 8
I get that you’re frustrated, but honestly? All this means is that they really liked your wedding; they thought it was stylish, and because they’re your friends, they probably have similar taste, so it makes sense that your dream wedding would be very close to theirs.
Think about it: you chose these things because they meant something to you, and maybe they mean something to these brides too.
I think you’re overreacting about this. Your wedding can’t be kept in a bubble — people are going to take elements from it and use them in their own. That’s what wedding inspiration is for. That’s what vendor reviews are for. You can’t expect that two people who were probably close to you in your planning wouldn’t also fall in love with some of the aspects of your wedding.
I understand that you’re hurt, and maybe they should have asked your permission. But I think you need to let it go.
(As an aside, your friends are probably both struggling with the thought that their weddings aren’t going to be "unique". I’ve read countless posts on Weddingbee where brides are worried that their weddings are going to be seen as "cookie cutter" because their cousin did something similar, or they see a wedding featured on the Knot that is horrifyingly identical. So honestly? They probably feel just as bad as you do.)
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I feel better just getting it all out here.
There are plenty of other churches. The two brides do not worship at the church I chose. And one is quite happily passing of the reasons I chose the church in the first place as her own. I have to bite down on my tongue not to say "deja vu" everytime some new identical element springs up.
And the two were not involved in the planning, my husband and I worked over every detail because we wanted it to be an expression of who we are. There are many many other churches, thousands of songs we have all swooned over, why choose the ones I chose?
I think when you plan your wedding you’re crafting a moment that is precious to you. I had a very intimate wedding and I feel hurt that the people I let into my special moment are now attempting to leach very key parts of it. The song was especially precious to me and to hear my friend being very blase about using the same song in the same context makes me mad.
Every bride wants her wedding to be special and unique, You don’t want to see similar wedding pictures decorating two other friends homes for example. Sigh, I know I have to let this go, because this is really bugging me.
Post # 10
as much as it peeves you off. maybe take it as a compliment instead! They’re doing all this same stuff because obviously they loved it from your wedding
Post # 11
Is it really that big of a deal? Why do you get to call dibs on a venue? Obviously they agree with your taste. Using the same vanue and caterer just means that they’ve taken your referrals, not your ideas. Your wedding day will still be unique and special, even the backdrop is the same as a friend.
Post # 12
It is a little frustrating when every detail is copied. Does anyone watch the Office? In an episode, Phyllis stole Pam’s entire wedding from her right down to the song they danced to…crazy! It’s hard to keep people from using the same church and venue as you, only because most of the time, they specialize in that sort of thing. Stealing your entrance song is annoying, unless it’s very commonly used (like Here Comes the Bride, or Trumpet Voluntary). Especially if she knew what that song meant to you.
The way you’re making it sound…the girl who took your church, reception venue AND entrance song wants your wedding! The good thing is…most people who are invited to both will realize that…and in many caases (like Recessionistabride said), the sequel is never as good as the first!
Hold your head high and take it in stride. Everyone at her wedding is going to be saying, "Isn’t this exactly like lifeisagift’s wedding? That was so beautiful…who wouldn’t want the same for themselves?"
Post # 13
Don’t they say "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?"
Post # 14
I agree with Mermaid, unfortunately you don’t get to call dibs. They also aren’t required to ask your permission before booking something like a church or choosing a song, those things are available to the general public. It would have been nice if they mentioned it in a different way than nonchalantly, but what can you do?
It does seem strange to me that they would even WANT to be copycats – I intentionally am trying to do different things than my family/friends so my wedding can be unique.
Just keep in mind you are not the ONLY bride who is allowed to choose these things, let them have their day. It’s about them now, not you and your husband.
Post # 15
I get that you may be upset that they are using the same things. But it is a form of compliment. My friend got married 5 years ago and had this fun 1950s wedding. I loved everything about it. The music, the flowers, dresses, party favors etc. The photographer and cake vendor I recommended to her so I don’t feel bad about using them for my wedding. I’m doing a 1940s theme so the music will be a little different. But the dresses, color schemes and small details might appear similiar to hers. I was a BM and she is my MOH. Honetsly I think she is just thrilled that I am finally getting married that she could careless what my wedding looked like.
I think it is neat that all 3 of you are getting married in the same church. What a neat story to share with your children one day.