Correspondence from only the bride?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think that’s one of those old fashioned things 🙂  Otherwise, you’re gonna have to have him move out until the wedding!

Our std’s have our names on the return address.  We’ve lived together 2 years now, it’d be weird not to have his name on there to me.  Like only I am inviting them to the wedding, and he doesn’t want them there?  Ha!

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kb7:  Our save the dates came from both of us and our invites had no name on the return address, but my name on the response card. My shower thank yous were from me alone and our wedding ones had my return address (my maiden name only to our shared apartment), but were signed from both of us. 

I have seen it every which way and it is like hand addressing envelopes– if it is important to mom, do it her way. It is so small and it isn’t worth battles over.

Post # 5
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I used only my name for the official return addresses because I used my parents’ address. I felt safer with any important coorespondence and/or gifts going to their house. I thought it’d be really weird to put both our names for their address.

I don’t think it matters though. If you’re using an address that y’all both live at, I’d put both names.

Of course write both names on thank you notes and stuff though.

Post # 6
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I put only my name because my Mom said that’s the traditional way to do it. Plus FI and I don’t live together and everything is coming from or to my address so it felt weird putting FIs name on there. In your case since you live together I would probably put both names.

Post # 7
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I put both our names on the invitation return addresses since we live together and they were from us… I think if the invitations are from the bride’s family (ie, the wording states your parents names and then both your names) it makes sense to do just your name, but if its from the two of you “together with your parents” or whatever then put both your names.  But as pp mentioned, if it’s really important to your mom (not just her saying what she thought was the norm which may be outdated), I’d just go with what she wants.

 

Post # 8
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I have wondered about this too. I would like to get a stamp made but think having both full names would be too busy, having only my name would be strange as we are living together, and don’t want to do our soon to be shared name since I don’t want to jinx it or something lol. 

I am thinking about just putting both first names, no last names. I sent out a few Save the Date cards like this to friends and they recieved them no problem. 

Post # 9
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee

Hmmm… My invitation company, who is pre-printing the guest addresses as well as the return address, on the back of the invitation envelope, said not to use a name on the return address flap – just the full address (We are doing online RSVPs).

 

Post # 11
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Tradition is not important to me. We live together, so why on earth wouldn’t I put both of our names on stuff. I didn’t care. Don’t worry about it!

Post # 12
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d put both of your names unless everyone of his friends and family knows excatly who you are.

Our guest list consisted of his parents and siblings. We didn’t live together so the return address was just my info, but there was no confusion.

Post # 13
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

@kb7:  Your mom is quite right: traditional etiquette holds that a lady’s name should only ever be paired in social correspondence with the name of her husband. Even on the invitation proper where a modern liberated woman is hosting her own wedding, the highest sticklers for correct protocol would hold that she should issue them in her own name along the lines of Miss Kay Beseven / requests the honour of the presence of // at her marriage to / Mr Future Husband …

On the other hand, you are also right: traditional etiquette holds that when a man and woman are living together they should deport themselves as though they are married; and others, assuming the best, should treat them as though they are married.

But that latter presumption falls apart, when you start issuing your wedding invitations!

Post # 14
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I hadn’t even considered this. We don’t live together (he’s out of country with the Army). I’m handling literally every single thing. I still think I’d put our names on stuff though, because it’s OUR wedding.

Post # 15
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

The return address for the actual should belong to the official hosts. Traditionally, that is the bride’s parent(s). Obviously nowadays ‘hosts’ can be anyone. 

 

If you have a different situation just put whatever you want. I live with my fiancé too, but my mom is very traditional and insisted all correspondence ‘officially’ came from her. I even had to drive to the post office 30 minutes away so the envelopes were postmarked from her city. Huge pain!!

 

Personally, I would have only one person’s name on the return address and response cards for simplicity and to make sure nothing gets misplaced. If one person is in charge of receiving, opening, and filing responses you will save headaches. my fiancé is a very responsible man, but we all get sidetracked when we’re busy. I can easily see a situation where I am confused bc I never heard from someone and then he said “ohh I got that one last week, I forgot to give it to you”. If it were addressed to me he wouldn’t open it, just put it in the mail basket. 

 

Post # 16
Member
10496 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Nope, otherwise there isn’t any correspondence if 2 men are getting married.

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