Post # 1
I am a bit of a predicament. My parents have been divorced for over 10 years. It was a very very hard divorce. My dad had found someone else and he wasn’t exactly nice to my mom. My mom took everything very hard. Its been 10 years but I know things are still raw for my mom. My dad and I have always got along so there are no problems there. My dad recently married this woman that he has been with for over 10 years. She is a nice lady…aside from the situation itself, I have no problem with her. But…My mom has never met this woman and never planned to….EXCEPT…she will meet her at my wedding. Awkward!!!!
Anyways…my problem comes when I am planning corsages. My dad is putting $8000 toward the wedding. No one else in my family (mom, Fiance mom and dad) can afford to give any money…SO he is the only one paying for a big chunk of it. My dad will get a boutinierre….should I get his new wife flowers as well? She wouldn’t be expecting one but I know that it would mean a lot to her to be “accepted”…it would mean much much more to my dad. It *may* make my mom a little uncomfortable. I am stuck. I don’t want to make my mom uncomfortable but I also want to let my Dad know how much his financial help is appreciated. What should I do? If I did do a corsage I would make it very different…and smaller. My mom and mog are wearing pinned corsages of a red rose and calla lily. My Grandma is wearing a red rose pinned corsage….Maybe get this other lady a small wrist white rose corsage?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think it’s definitely a nice gesture to have a corsage for her- I think your idea of a small white one is perfect. It shows a sense of respect for her, but also shows that she’s at a different level than the moms/grandma. My parents are amicably divorced, and I’m still giving my step-mom a smaller corsage.
Post # 4
I think it’s really nice to give a corsage to your stepmom. Meeting your mom will be awkward for her too, and this will make her feel a little more welcomed. I think as long as your mom knows that she’s your mom and how important she is to you, it’ll be fine. I’m sure you’ve got more than enough love to spread around.
Post # 5
I think the white wrist corsage would be a very welcoming and kind gesture. I’m sure she’ll feel awkward and out of place, as well. From someone from a twice divorced home with a mother that is very vocal about the pain in her life, I can understand where you’re coming from and how hard this must be for your mom. But the divorce was also 10 years ago, your father has been with this woman for a long time and at some point your mom does have to realize that your father’s wife will probably be a part of your life. I’ve learned that the kids in a divorce still have to make decisions that are right for them regardless of how it may come across to the parent.
Post # 6
I would absolutely honor her with a corsage. It’s the right thing to do.
Post # 8
Super nice gesture. And yes, you can make it smaller/different.
Furthermore, I hope that there’s no other drama around this dynamic — everyone better understand that this is not their day of past issues, but a day to celebrate you and the commitment that you and your Fiance are making! I’ll be thinking of you.
Post # 9
At some point your Mom needs to make a conscious decision to move on. She can choose to wallow in pain as the “wronged wife” for the rest of her life, but that would be completely denying that she played any role in the disintegration of their marriage.
My ex cheated on me, so I know whereof I speak. I made a choice to acknowledge my role in the divorce. I do not think it is righty for any partner to cheat. If they are unhappy they should make their feelings known , and get a commitment to work on the relationship together or get out of the relationship before they start a new one.
Having said all that, I definitely think it is appropriate to acknowledge her as your Dad’s wife. A small corsage would be very gracious.
I hope your mother is gracious enough to act in a civil manner during your wedding.
Post # 10
I think you should get her a corsage – she and your dad would really appreciate it 🙂
Post # 11
I think your plan is great! My FI’s parents are in a VERY similar situation and his mom and his stepmom are not on good terms …they hate eachother. BUT because my FI’s stepmom did help raise him I did want to give her a corsage. SOOO I gave her a smaller corsage with a different color, I also let his mom choose which color she wanted.
Post # 13
my mom, mom of groom and father of the grooms’ girlfriend are all getting white flower cosages. i spend tons of time with fil gf way more then mob so all them will be getting equal sized flowers. if mob realized her flowers were bigger or smaller she would very bluntly say it…. not looking for anyway she can cause drama.