(Closed) Cosmo's Ridiculous Sex Tips

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

“Go hot and cold. During oral, suck in air as you go down and blow it out as you go up.  And don’t worry if you burp.

LOL

ETA: Oh god, this one has me in tears;

“Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off. How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?

Post # 5
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MissBoPeep:  “How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?”



Hahah thank you for that.

Post # 8
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

omg these are hilarious!

Post # 9
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yeah, I have read off a few of these to my husband before. He thinks they are all ridiculous and unnecessary.

Post # 10
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sarahbabs:  I’m trying so hard to get through this list with minimal snorting/crying/laughter escaping so my boss doesn’t question what I’m looking at. So hard!!!

Post # 11
Member
3001 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

HAHAHAHA

22. “Mix one tablespoon of saliva (the kind deep in your throat works best – its viscosity makes it a good substitute for lube) with one tablespoon of water to stretch the spit.”
They don’t really explain if you’re supposed to whisk it together in a bowl in the kitchen, or if you should just hock a loogie onto his pre-moistened junk, but I trust your judgment.

That’s a lot of saliva! lmao

Post # 12
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

19. “Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other’s body, such as the nipples.”


This does not make me happy….

Post # 13
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

37. “Give him a beer facial – the combination of the egg white and the yeast in the hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity… but you can just tell him that your lips can’t resist his delicious, beer-flavored face.”

what??

Post # 14
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh my goodness.  I think I could read this list over again and laugh just as hard the second time.  That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read!

Post # 15
Member
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SoupyCat:  mmm… salmonella and alcohol are SO SEXAY!

 

Post # 16
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@MissBoPeep:  

My cats gave me death stared when I busted out laughing at your comment. Thank you for that much neededhaughty today 🙂

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