Post # 1
So a while back, I came across a gorgeous, affordable Moissanite engagement ring that I absolutely fell in love with. My SO told me to send it to him. Done.
Then I kinda sorta kept looking. Just one of the many problems with him taking so damn long to ask… I can’t help but look at more rings haha. Anyway… I found a different one, for a much lower price. I didn’t send it to him, but I mentioned the cost to him, and right away he was like ‘that’s way too cheap!’. That ring cost about $1000.
Now we come to today. Hadn’t looked at rings in quite some time. Ladies, I found THE ring. It’s a simple solitaire with a knife-edge. It’s perfect for me. The cost? Around $800 plus taxes.
This one costs even less than the previous two. So, with that being said, my question is… first of all, how do I go about bringing up the ring and second, how do I really get my point across that the cost of the ring does not matter to me?! I think he’s of the school of thought that he has to spend thousands, but I would really prefer he didn’t! I’d rather he spend less on the ring and put that other money towards something else [ie: wedding, honeymoon, house etc].
How do I go about this? I don’t want to hurt his ego or anything, either. But it’s the simple truth for me… it’s not the amount of money he puts down on the ring, it’s the meaning and symbolism of it that matters most to me.
What would you do? Or should I just not bring up THE ring at all?
Post # 3
Mention the new ring to him casually, and see his reaction. If he thinks it’s too cheap, he can get the same ring with a bigger diamond.
Men feel good about being able to give you a nice ring, which you will always have as a symbol of his love.
Post # 4
Tell him why you love it, don’t bring up the cost at all. If he knows you want it because its pretty, not because it’s cheaper, he’d probably be more receptive to the idea. Also, I know on the BTD forums a woman just bought a knife edge solitaire and posted pictures. If you are interested, I could find the link. Maybe he’d like the idea more if he could see real life pictures.
Post # 5
I have the same issue, my SO wanted to get me a more expensive ring with a nicer gemstone than what I want. I had to be really firm with him and tell him that really is not what I want. I don’t want to change my gemstone just because it’s a cheaper one than other gemstones.
I think if you say to him something along the lines of “this is what I want and the fact that it’s $800 means nothing to me, I’m not going to be happy with a ring that costs more just to have a ring that costs more. I know you love me a lot and want the price of the ring to reflect that, but honestly, that’s not important to me and I would rather put the money that we save towards something else.”
My guy finally got it when I said that it’s just not wise to spend a lot of money on a ring that I’m not over the moon for when we’re trying to buy a house. I think he realized that he let the marketing and social stigma go to his head.
Post # 6
You know your man best. Approach the convo very calmly sincere and cautious. I think that you do need to make sure 100% that this is the ring you want. From experience men get overwhelemed with all the choices and options we provide. Give him one final choice or if you can’t decide between two or three then allow him. My SO and I went ring shopping twice. I found a ring at the first store…extremely expensive in my opinion especially for his budget. So then the second store I found a ring more reasonable and really loved it ($1200). But as time passed I started to think that it was taking so long “to save” and started looking for cheaper options. I could tell it was confusing him and I’ve read the same thing regarding other bee’s on the board. I went back to my choice that I loved and I’m sticking with it. I realized I didn’t want to settle or resent a ring that I didn’t like because I was trying to get one so fast. I’m willing to wait on what I want within reason of course the 1200 ring to me is not a lot for me and my SO. It’s less than half of his one month salary so I feel that’s okay. And if need be I could purchase it myself today (he won’t let me) so that’s how I know it’s not too pricey.
Post # 7
Tell him you’re thinking of not even wearing e-ring much after the wedding? That it’s just a place-holder for X number of months until the wedding band?
Post # 8
you need to be very careful how you go about this, my bf and I got in a huge fight this past weekend because I wanted to go with moissanite to save money for buying a house next year but he wasnt having it and said its not good enough so later on he tells me he wants it to be the best ring he can get because I will wear it for the rest of my life and pass it down to our kids so they know how much he loved me, here he is thinking all of this and I am thinking its just a rock and gold I think alot of guys see it as a way to prove they can provide for you in the future, if you get an opening I would casually mention it and see what he says
Post # 9
@miss sparkly cat: Me and SO had this same fight last week. I had been wondering why SO hadn’t talked about buying the Moissanite I showed him and was still quoting finances as a reason he hadn’t proposed yet. He went on a tirade about how he has pride and isn’t gonna have his wife-to-be walk around in some half-assed ring. I told him that it wasn’t the type of ring that counts but the thought behind it and he still wasn’t buying that idea. He finished up with “I know you don’t want something to break the bank when we need to buy a house, but I still want to get you something decent that you will love, ok?”
Men want to buy something that they can be proud of, too.
Post # 10
You have to remember that it’s society who put this view on men that the bigger the rock the better he can take care of his woman. It’s a pride thing.
My FI was the same way. I didn’t push for what I wanted because I know in the end I want a ring he choose anyway. And he choose well! A yellow diamond =)
Post # 11
I think that guys want to buy a ring to show how much she means to them in amount to cost. When me and bf talked about it awhile back, I realized he wanted to spend alot more on a ring than I would want him to.