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A few people have mentioned to me in an offhand way that we can always upgrade my ring (after asking how much it cost, which I am up-front about because I'm not ashamed that it was an inexpensive ring), which was bad enough, but I've gotten some comments like, "Why don't you have a diamond? Why didn't it cost more? Doesn't he love you enough to buy an expensive ring?"
I'm failing to see how the cost of a ring is proportional in any way to the amount of love or commitment in a relationship. I have a decent-sized garnet because I did not want an overly expensive ring (I seriously would have been mad if he spent more than a few hundred on a ring) or a diamond. I think it's beautiful and I love it, but I don't get why these supposedly well-meaning individuals can't just shut up about it. People have also assumed that because it's not a diamond, the metal is silver--in reality, it's white gold. But that raises another issue--people around here seem to think that it needs to be at least 14k for it to be a "real" engagement ring. Weird, right?
I think it dates back to the whole "The engagement ring must cost the equivalent of two months' salary" idea--what do you all think?
And for kicks, here's a picture of my ring with the wedding band I had custom-made for it. :) Only a month and a half to go until I can wear them together!
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other AT ALL. And, I think it's really rude for anyone to say something like that to you. I would have been pissed!
I was more or less in shock that people are that damned rude; I mean, I knew I was bound to get comments when we chose an obviously non-diamond stone, but this is something else. Most people don't even realize it's an engagement ring until they ask if it's my birthstone or something and I correct them, lol.
WOW. how rude is that! I cant believe anyone would actually say that to you. How about all those celebrities that get HUGE diamonds and are divorced 2 months later? That's what I would respond to those people.
No one tell FI, but I kinda wish I had gotten a cheaper ring. We got a pretty good deal on it and I love it, but I still feel kind of bad since money is tight for both of us. I'm actually helping pay for it (all our finances are going to get combined, anyway).
People are just weird and judgemental. If you keep hearing it, I would just look up the carat sizes of a bunch of celebrities that have broken up. I'm sure theirs are all huge and expensive and most of their marriages have failed, lol.
I think its so funny that people see your ring and don't assume its an engagement ring. I wear my birthstone ring on my left hand (i got it when i was 16- nobody ever thought it was an engagement ring then) because thats the hand it was sized for. I get asked ALL THE TIME if I am engaged. I've been asking by my boyfriend's coworkers, who should know we aren't engaged. I've been approached by strangers in a bar who were going to hit on me, until they saw the ring. My ring is a peridot with a halo of diamonds. It's weird that people have such opposite reactions to gemstone rings. I wish people asked me less. It's embarrassing, especially if my boyfriend is there.
@Statutory Grape: I fail to see any correlation between cost and committment. I think anybody who takes it there has the wrong idea of what love is supposed to be. Just my opinion though.
@jo.lee: LOL, nice. :) At least no one has commented on the size of my ring, good, bad, or otherwise.
No way. I have a ring that's on the larger side, but I definitely would never think that he loves me more than someone with a smaller ring.
That's just ridiculous.
ew that's so obnoxious of people to say that! i would never think that. actually, my favorite engagement ring i've ever seen (besides my own 
) is this really interesting, artsy looking, non traditional gold ring my friend designed with a jeweler for his now-wife. i think it has some teeny stones in it, but honestly just the thought and care he put into it makes it so amazing. size and cost has nothing on the genuine love behind a ring, which is the only thing that matters imo. my ring's diamond is from my hubby's grandmother's engagement ring, and i always mention that when people ask me about it. dh was worried at first that mentioning that makes him look "cheap" since he only bought the setting, but i think it makes it so much more meaningful.
OMG I am in complete shock that anyone would even say that! The cost of the ring has nothing to do with the amount of the commitment. That is such a materialistic thing to say!
@Krises: I would have been content with just my ring, but the reactions have made it pretty necessary for a wedding band. Plus, I like how it looks.
Man, I'm so jealous of your birthstone...I have boring old aquamarine, so when FH said he wanted to get me a blue stone, I vetoed it--I've worn blue all my life!
huh... I don't see it at all...
I chose my cheap yet very nice ring myself. Because we chose inexpensive rings (under 1000 for my e-ring, my w-set and his w-band); we are about to take our third trip this year, not counting all the romantic weekends we had throughout our first year of marriage.
We wanted to have countless memories of our couple's lives together before having a family, and just spend quality time together all year. Saving on the rings allowed us to live our dream of travelling and sharing experiences together - for me, this is more representative of our commitment than any piece of metal with a rock ornament... (although I love my rings and often tell him how I like them).
I don't think you can tell much of anything from the cost of a ring -- assuming you can even tell the cost of a ring by looking at it. I can't tell a diamond from a white sapphire from a cubic zirconia from a moissanite.
At most, you can roughly guess whether or not the couple is doing well financially, but even that's not a sure thing. The couple may have very little in savings and have bought a very expensive ring on credit or may be very well off and simply prefer plain gold bands.
In fact, one could argue that a less expensive ring signifies a greater eagerness to wed on the groom's part. He couldn't wait to save up to buy a more expensive ring -- he had to become engaged right away, even if that meant using a relatively inexpensive ring.
I cant believe people have asked you how much your ring costs!! 
How rude!!
Grape, you have to start hanging out with nicer peeps!
"Doesn't he love you enough to buy an expensive ring?" Seriously?? I dunno how I'd respond. I'd probably say something like, "Well, when I bear his children, I get a bonus diamond. Oh, but they have to be male."
The "two months salary" is marketing. Completely. An ENGAGEMENT ring itself is marketing. And less face it, at the end of the day, an enagement ring, much as we love them, much as they have sentimental value, as much as we revere the tradition, yadda yadda yadda is a trinket.
I dunno--when you really think about it, if you think your love with someone can be deduced to a dollar sign, that's sorta sad.
@Neva: That's a good way of looking at it! :) We did get engaged quickly and I did initially help FH purchase it because he doesn't have a credit card (we ordered from an online jeweler to avoid the huge in-store markup; according to the site--Daniels Jewelers--the ring would have been around $600, but who knows?).
@JennyW1: Oh my god...LOL! I love your response. These aren't even people I hang out with--just random people who see my ring! Totally weird. I did get some snooty questions from women at bridal boutiques, but ignored it.
Man, that reminds me of one of my guy friends who was bragging to me about how he got an awesome deal on his fiancee's ring--a $4k ring for $1.7k--but he finally stopped after he noticed the blank look on my face; like, why do I care about this stuff? I just asked if you've bought your wedding bands yet! It's all marketing, which is sad.
Happyb - Thank you! :) Two years later, and I'm still totally in love with it.
I was actually in the gyno office the other day and the nurse noticed my ring. It's a round halo around .75 of a carat but the halo makes it appear larger...anywhooooooooo she looked at it and said 'Wow! He must love you a whole lot' and then motioned to her own engagement ring which appeared much smaller then mine. I couldn't believe it! I said 'I'm sure your husband loves you just as much. It's not the size that counts' and she got kind of flustered..
I couldn't believe she thought that! And also, what was she expecting me to say?? Like, 'yeah...you're right..my fiance loves me a lot more then your husband loves you'...wtf?
@AnneTossy: Okay, so I'm not the only one running into these odd people. That story made me kind of sad, though...
That's funny, I am much more a blue person than a green. I would love aquamarine! I am not engaged yet, but If we do a gemstone, I'd probably pick aquamarine! I think its so pretty! My sister's birthday is in April (diamond) so instead of her birthstone which would have been $$$ for my poor dad, she got an aquamarine with a few small diamonds and its such a pretty color! I guess the grass is always greener! I am so used to this ring now, I can't imagine anything else because I've been wearing it since i was 16, but it never would have been my first choice.
@Krises: Exactly--the grass is always greener! I love that aquamarine comes in so many shades, but I love garnets for some reason. Admittedly, my first pick was some sort of green stone (emeralds were a bit too pricey) or any yellow stone, but FH doesn't like yellow stones. We met in the middle with the rhodolite. Do you have a pic of your ring? I'd love to see it!
haha! I get this about my ring all the time! It's 1/5 ctw but that doesn't make us love each other less.
That's crazy that someone would think that, much less say it to your face. I have a friend whose e-ring is very simple, with a single, small, subtle diamond, and her and her husband are the two of the cutest lovebirds I know. It's what you can afford and what you like, period.
((I also think the whole two month salary thing is bogus. We wouldn't be able to eat if my FI did that.))
@statutorygrape I know it made me sad too.I hope she doesn't still think that. Her ring was gorgeous, btw.
@AnneTossy: Haha, I've gotten that too, or 'You must do something really well!' Eww!
Seriously though, I think unless it is discussed that a woman wants a certain type of ring (smaller/delicate/non diamond/non traditional) I notice if a woman's ring is very small. I don't think it says much about level of love or commitment but I do think it can mean something about that man's ability to plan for the future or provide for a family. It really isn't very hard to save up some money over some time if it is something you commit to doing. It's none of my business, of course, but it is just something that crosses my mind. Everyone has different priorities and for some, jewelry doesn't enter the picture. It is a symbol to society however so that is why all these judgements come into play. If I see someone with a non traditional ring I would assume that that is what she wanted though, because I don't think many men would go out and get a non diamond engagement ring unless there had been some discussion of what his girlfriend would like to wear.
@MarzipanMrs.: Interesting point, on planning and whatnot. For us, saving up to buy a really expensive ring was not a priority--our priority from day one (which can be seen in our very small wedding budget, among other things) was saving money for our marriage instead of the wedding/engagement trappings. I think it's all about a couple's priorities, though I do notice if a ring is teeny-tiny (like a diamond chip set in a plain band). I don't make any sort of assumptions, however.
I think your ring is beautiful. And people's comments are dumb. They're just jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) And my friend has a garnet ring too and it TOTALLY suits her. Why wear a diamond if you don't like or want it?!?! Doesn't make sense. I say tell tehm all to mind their business hehe.
@MarzipanMrs.: I gotta say, you're brave for being honest on this post!
However, don't you see the irony in your statement: "I do think it can mean something about that man's ability to plan for the future or provide for a family" ??
I mean, as some bees have stated, people buy small rings for all sorts of reasons, including the fact that a lot of us would rather put a down payment on a house than have a big rock, which to me represents the OPPOSITE of what you're saying.
Small doesn't have to mean poor. It may just mean sensible. Or that the couple has different priorities (personally, I'd just as soon not have the ring and pick up and visit China instead).
For what it's worth...a friend of mine had a court house wedding with her husband, after which she asked him to buy her ring from a store that I think is the equivalent of Claire's in regards to cost/quality...she said she was worried she'd lose it, so she didn't want it to cost a lot :-)
And I have to say I really like your ring. I also have a garnet ring...yay for color!
Okay, I’m going to play devil’s advocate, a little bit. First, I think that gemstone rings are awesome. Mine is white sapphire and I LOVE it. Would never trade it. Second, I think ‘cheap’ is in the eye of the beholder. While I think my ring was fairly expensive, I’m sure others would disagree. So, whatever ‘cheap’ means, I don’t think there is (or should be an across the board answer.)
For me personally, I wanted a ring that was valuable. Nothing extreme and certainly nothing that FI couldn’t pay for up front, but I did want it to be a sizeable purchase. This was a personal choice and it came from my desire to have a ring that 1 – I could wear for the rest of my life and that would stand up to every day wear I wanted a ring that could represent forever, just like the commitment we’re making to one another. I’ve had so many rings bend, break, wear thin, or lose stones that I knew I wanted something of really exceptional quality. 2 - I guess I thought of my ring as an investment in ‘us’ if that makes sense. However, I totally understand that this was a personal choice and that others may feel completely differently about their ring. For some it is just a symbol and for others the ring does not need to be costly to be meaningful. If FI and were in a place where a $20 silver band was all that we could afford, I would have been delighted and thrilled to receive it and I’m sure the meaning still would have been there.
I didn’t vote in the poll because there wasn’t an answer that really fit. Yes, I do think an ‘expensive’ ring can carry a different meaning than a ‘cheap’ ring but again, it’s an individual thing. No, I definitely don’t think that love can be measured in money and the cost of gifts. If it could, wouldn’t everyone in Hollywood be 1000 times happier than the rest of us? AND I think it’s incredibly rude for anyone to comment on stone size/ring price and anything regarding the word ‘upgrade.’
Although, that said, I just realized, I'm probably sort of judgmental in the opposite way--like if someone has a massive rock. If I'm really being honest, I probably think to myself, "Oh. Trying to keep up the Joneses, I see."
@JennyW1: I can sort of relate, though I tend to wonder who wanted the big rock more--the guy or the girl--which leads me to think about society's obsession with huge stones!
Coughing I guess my commitment aint worth sh.t and jennifer and ben affleck will be together 4ever!!! Oh wait. They broke up.
What a crock of bull. I LOVE my engagement ring and am proud to say he got it for a great deal and it is paid for :D that's my man!
I'm sure there are people out there who may believe this. But the question is, are they married or engaged? The true situation for myself is about cost and practically - I work in low-income schools. Does it make since to walk around with a rock on my hand? Nope. Also, we are planning for get a house soon, so I would rather pool my money for that purchase rather than my ring. I love my ring, and my friends adore it too, so in no way does the ring reflect how much FI loves me.
@JennyW1: I totally get what you are saying, but I guess in my mind, the cost of a nice piece of jewelry (not talking about some 5 carat diamond or anything, just a nice average ring) is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of a house or the costs associated with raising a child or two. I do know that everyone's situation is different and I am totally speaking generally. I know plenty of girls with smaller or different rings and I don't think their husband is a bad provider/planner just because of that, because I know their situation. I'm just saying that it might be something that would pop into my mind if I didn't know someone's situation. I'm certainly not trying to offend anyone :)
Stupidest analogy ever. So the super wealthy who can afford 100,000 rings love their women 100 x more than those who get a 1,000 ring? Gimme a break. If my husband gave me a ring that was 2 months salary, my ring would be probably 3x bigger than it is. Stupid, stupid, stupid for us...we needed things for the house and paid for our wedding. Sure, I could have asked had a much more expensive ring but we both thing it's nuts to spend that much on one ring. For us it isn't the cost of the ring that is important. Also, we wouldn't have had the extra money for other things and honestly, I don't like big rings.
I can't believe people make comments like these. I don't know what I'd say to somebody if they mentioned the size/cost of my ring. Just so rude!
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