Post # 1
So I was called a cougar by my cousin’s boyfriend :(. I’m 9 years older than my Fiance, he’s 20 & we’re perfect for each other & it doesn’t even seem there’s an age difference. So when I announced my engagement over Christmas, the cousin’s boyfriend called me a cougar & made fun of me. Not in a friendly teasing way, but in a really insulting way. I wanted to cry & leave the house but didn’t want to make a scene. So I just kinda ignored his comment & my mom came to my rescue & changed subjects :). I know its been a few months but for some reason I’m really bothered by it still, I do not like him now, at all. And, isn’t a cougar someone who’s old enough to be the guy’s mom? I didn’t think I was one. But… am I?
Post # 3
He is a jerk. You’re not a cougar. Some men just feel a need to be degrading. I feel sorry for your cousin. A 29 year old man dating a 20 year old woman would get a high-five. Honestly, I wouldn’t invite him to the wedding.
Post # 4
No you aren’t! When I think of a cougar I think of Linda Hogan dating her childrens classmate. Not someone who is only 9 years older. I think it was very rude of your cousins boyfriend to even say that. If you are really bothered by it and feel like it will hurt the relationship with your cousin I would talk to her in a calm way, explaining that what her boyfriend said upset you. The thing that makes me mad is that if your Fiance was 9 years older chances are the idiot wouldn’t have said anything. It’s such a double standard in our society.
Post # 5
No, not at all dear! I hate that term anyway — it’s so derogatory and it’s not fair that women are labeled that way when you’re right — it’s celebrated in men.
Either way, though, you have no reason to feel bad. You are in love and that is so special!
If it helps, I’ve been called a cougar and I’m only 4 MONTHS older than my Fiance. People are ridiculous.
Post # 6
Wow. I have many, many friends in the 28-32 age range, and they all look fabulous, and I would never, ever even consider calling them “cougars”.
How old was this jerk? That might have an impact on this thoughts.
I’m so sorry this happened, but feel confident in your relationship, don’t let it get to you!
Post # 7
I also think that “cougar” is kind of a buzz word right now….aka not to be taken seriously.
I really do hate that word.
Post # 8
My friends and I got called cougars at a bar by a bunch of 21 year olds. We’re 26. People are stupid.
Post # 9
No! Don’t even think twice about it! That cousin’s Boyfriend or Best Friend was rude!
Post # 10
Brush it off! You are so NOT a cougar! Some people are just immature.
Post # 11
Ok, I feel MUCH better now :). Yea he was just bein a jerk… & idk how old he is. My guess is mid to late 20s? I wish I would’ve posted on here sooner cause I feel alot more at ease now. I don’t care about the age difference, but when I was called a cougar I started getting more nervous about it. Thanks ladies 🙂
Post # 11
Ok, so I’m with you on hating the word and hating that some consider me a cougar in my relationship with Mr. DG (I’m 11 years older).
I’ve had a couple of people make the same sorts of hurtful comments to me, and I’ve found that the best way to handle it for me is to educate people as to what the word really means, tell them sincerely that they are hurting my feelings and then in cases where there’s enough of a dialog asking the person why it’s societally acceptable for older men to be with younger women but not the other way around. There’s only one person who continued to make comments and told me to lighten up after I approached it that way. (But I think in that case it was more about this person’s personal issues with relationships in general).
Though I don’t think age is just a number, I do think maturity doesn’t always correlate with chronological age!
I’m sorry that you were hurt and I hope you find a way to address the issue that makes you feel better!
Post # 12
My ex-bf was 19 and I was 21 and I got called a cougar. It’s really childish for someone to call you names. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing it bothered you. They’re just jealous 😛
Post # 13
I loathe that term. I’m 10 years older than my Fiance, and have had that term thrown at me a couple of times. The first time i got hit with it, it was in a very teasing fashion by a dear friend, and it was meant totally tongue in cheek, which is how I took it. The next time I got called a cougar, it was by someone trying to make a backhanded insult/dig at me while trying to be “clever”. That got them chewed out.
I admit, I’ve tried to shake it off when people have called me that, but it’s hard to let go of it sometimes. It’s not easy, especially when it comes flying at you when you least expect it. And having it tossed at you when you were announcing something so happy and personal makes it tougher. In my head, I know I would have tied the engagement and wedding together with the cousin’s boyfriend’s unthinking and hurtful comment, which would only make things rough on myself when wedding planning. Nothing like a subconsious that likes to smack you. 😉
You can choose to confront him or just let it roll. Me? I think you’re not a “cougar” but just someone that found someone that happens to be younger than her to make her happy. And everyone else can take a flying leap. 😉
Post # 14
I’m glad the term wasn’t popular yet when Fiance and I started dating, or I’m willing to bet someone would have latched onto it, given that I’m one and a half years older than he is. As it was, we got a lot of “Mrs. Robinson” remarks, which I find a lot more humorous, light-hearted and teasing than the cougar concept. I know people who now use the “cougar” term to refer to pretty much any single women who are noticeably older than the people they hang out with, so that would encompass just about anyone over 28 or so. It’s sexist and demeaning and I try to speak up whenever I hear it. I don’t think it’s acceptable to use in almost any context.