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Oh...I'll keep her in my prayers! I think you should see how she's doing right before your wedding, she may want to walk down the aisle with her big sister, or she may totally love riding in a wagon. If it was my niece, I would definitely include her but based on her age and seeing how she's doing healthwise, gage it on that.
i say she is too young but having someone push/pull her in a wagon/old fashion pram would be a better idea than someone carrying her
i also worry about the stress of the day would put on a child so young and her parents. you will have to work her sleeping & eating patterns into your schedule so she is rested otherwise youre going to have a whiney baby on your hands with stressed parents
my 15 month old would climb out of the wagon faster than you could say his name and then run wild around the room.
I don't know how he will handle walking in our wedding in april when he will be almost 2, but I plan on trying to have big brother hold his hand down the aisle and if that doesn't work then he can just go sit with grandma and grandpa..
I think if you really want her to be in the wedding you should give her a chance, but also have an alternative plan in case she freaks out or anything
@happilywaiting - thank you! She's doing very well but can always use the positive energy. We want to include her in whatever way is appropriate for her, even if it's just for some photos.
@eloping - good points! her parents will be able to escape pretty easily if they need to with her - both ceremony and reception venue are only 10 minutes or so from our homes. I'm not sure how things will be going for her in a year, but we do have some options to make sure she's rested and taken care of, regardless of what role she plays on the big day.
Honestly, you never know how kids will react until the day of the wedding. My FSIL's two nephews (4 and 6) both had colossal meltdowns and had to be put in a time out instead of walking down the aisle. My flower girl, who is a wonderful and adorable angel, had a tough day on our wedding day. She made it down the aisle, but had to take breaks during the wedding.
You should make it really clear to your family that you completely understand that it may not work out for this baby to be a part of the ceremony. You can have a plan for her in a pram or wagon, but make sure her mom understands that you won't be upset or disappointed if the plan needs to be changed at the last minute. Also, a decision should probably be made much closer to the wedding since children's personalities develop more and you will see if she is a quieter or noisier baby, and whether or not she tends to be tired or napping during the time your ceremony will be held.
My one year old niece was an honorary flower girl - she was in the program, but her mom felt it would be better to leave her with a baby sitter for the ceremony. You might want to consider doing the same.
I voted for the Wagon. IF you can pull it off, I say go for it!
I think she's too young, but if you really want to do it, definitely not alone. (i.e. with sister)
Sorry to rain on the parade.
We were going to have my niece be the flowergirl, and my FI thought she might be too young at the time of the wedding. But she will be about 3. I think that would be a good age, don't you guys think? And I think if your niece can follow directions and walk, then it would be fine to have her in the wedding.
Much positive energy & prayers on their way. I'm gonna go off on a tangent here (sorry), but my uncle (my mum's only brother and my godfather) had a heart attack on Saturday and we prayed and prayed (he's in TX we're in MA). We thought we would lose him, but thanks to the wonderful staff at Cy-Fair Med Ctr in Houston, and all of our prayers, he made it through. I am, by no means, a super religious person, but I do believe in the power of prayer. (((Hugs))) JeanL.
I think she is too young. Include her in a special way in the pictures, but she shouldn't be going down the aisle--it won't be meaningful to her, and the people you are actually honoring by trying to include her don't seem to want it.
i think she should have a special role in the wedding, but not as a flower girl. how about putting her in a cute dress and having mom carry her to her seat right before the processional? that way everyone is seated and will see the gorgeous baby, but no pressure on any sort of "performance" and she'll be in mama's arms.
I think she'd be adorable being pulled down the aisle in a wagon.. just to include her and maybe have an older girl throwing the petals... she could be your flower baby instead of flower girl...
We're going to I think try this out with my year and a half niece - either she walks down holding her brothers hand or my sister, a bridesmaid, will walk them both or just her down. We'll see what works out and if nothing works out oh well, it's worth a shot for added cuteness.
Thank you all for the feedback! I guess I should clarify, when I say our families don't think it's a good idea, it's our mothers. We haven't asked Emma's mom yet, so that will be the deciding factor for sure. Once again, I don't want to move things too fast for her. We'll probably wait til we're closer to the actual wedding and then evaluate it and talk to her mom. In the end, we want whatever's best for Emma. :)
@happilywaiting - I'm so sorry to hear that! *hugs* I'll definately keep him in my thoughts and prayers.
@professorbee - the honorary flower girl idea is a good one! I may shoot for that if nothing else.
We have a 19 month old flower girl. We have no idea how it will go! I think the key is to be flexible. Best case scenario, she gets down the aisle with either the ring bearer or her mom (a bridesmaid). Worst case scenario, she can't do it and chills with her dad. In my case, the mom is really excited to have her included and we are all just planning to stay flexible. My 5 year old nephew is as much of a gamble!
Keep in mind that her adjusted age is 3 months younger than her actual age. She won't even be an official developmental year and 1/2. She'll be more like just over a year. Some kids catch up fast, but I wouldn't count on it, and you might be creating a stressful event for her and everyone else.
I am an aunt who is CRAZY about my niece and nephews. They're bigger than your little Emma but if I were in your position I would want to include her too.
I think if it's okay with her parents then maybe do something like the photo I've attached (I'll try) here. If you have raised sides on the wagon/stroller and cushions she should be great! And if she gets upset it's no biggie (unless it's a biggie for you or her parents). Babies cry - some of us get bothered by it and some don't.
If her parents don't think it's a good idea maybe ask them for input on ideas for including her in a special way but I definitely think a little flower girl is a wonderful idea! Especially a miracle baby! :0)
(image from pegeen.com)
Flower_girl_wagon.jpg (77.4 KB, 77 downloads) 2 years old 
I am getting married next October too! Yeahh! FI and I have been tlaking about flower girls - we will have babies around (not ours!) that are going to be around 18 months when we get married. we have decided to wait until a few months before the wedding to make a decision. That way, we could get a sense of how mature the baby is and how much she has developed, and if we want to have the responsbility of including a baby in the wedding party. I think the same goes for you but double because of your niece's health issues. You totally don't have to make a decision about this now, it is over a year away! And buying a cute little dress for a growing baby can't be done until a few weeks before the wedding anyway. So wait it out! If you feel she is healthy and old enough to participate one year form now, include her! good luck!
Hi! I have a 2 year old who is going to be our flowergirl.
My daughter started walking a little late, about month 14 or so, but a year 1 1/2 she was totally able to walk holding someones hand.
Even if she is only 1 1/2 on development, she should be able to walk with someone (not trowing flowers), my only concern (if she is healthy, we are praying that she will be) would be that she gets scared and cries, even more on the wagon (but is a cute idea, though!)
You should really talk to her fathers about this, maybe wait a bit, you could wait until next may or something (is not like you can buy the dress ahead because you dont know how much bigger she is going to get). If you wait that will give your FBIL and his wife the chance to consider her development (kids grow up so fast), then talk to them making them know you really love their baby and really want her to be in the wedding, and that you 100% respect and consider their wishes.
Practice with the older sister, practice with the wagon and even suggest to the mother she could carry the baby down the aisle.
It is very important that you understand boundaries and respect for a babys parents, specially when there are heath issues involved, but dont make a big deal of it, you dont want the whole family in the discussion.
Just wait a few months, if you try to make a decision now probably the parents are going to say no, and they are right, because they feel they need to take care of her a bit more than normal and as a mom I have to say, at this point you cant even imagine how your child is going to grow and develope in a year!
I would talk to her parents. Explain that you would love to have her as part of the wedding and that you had thought of a few ideas. See what they think-- nobody will know better than they if she can do it and how best it could work out!
Aww, I'm so glad she's doing okay. My flowergirl (my older little sister, who is now 4) was also a preemie and it was terrifying. I think she'll be old enough to be pulled down the aisle in a wagon or she could be carried by her mommy or something. Definitely include her!
Also, I was thinking she might be able to walk down holding someone's hand by then, but if she's only 18 mos. and was three months premature, I think the chances are slim that she'll be walking by then. My sister was two months premature and it set her way behind developmentally, even still. She's perfectly normal and healthy now, but she's been later learning things like learning to walk and talk. Good luck!
I was a flowergirl a month before I turned 3. I was a disaster. Temper tantrum at the top of the aisle variety. The thing is, my mom told my uncle it wasn't a good idea, but he insisted. I really think she's too young, and if family agrees, then it's probably not a good idea.
WOW. You guys are awesome. So much good feedback and so many cute pictures. 
I will wait until closer to the wedding to bring this up again - next spring sometime. doctor girl made a good point - she's 5 months old now, but developmentally she's like a 2 month old. We don't know what the next year will bring, but we're all hoping and praying for good things.
At least I know there are options if her parents are up for it. Either way, I'm probably going to end up getting her a cute little dress and capturing some pictures, at the very least!
Thank you all again!! I'm going to save this and let FI read it as well so we're on the same page. You rock!!
I hate these things .... my fiance neice is amazing, I love her and she's who I WISH could be our flower girl ... she'll be like 9 months though. =)
I think if the mother feels she would be able to be apart of it then why not? Your thoughts on how she will go down the aisle are not unreasonable. My flower girl will be almost 2 and her mother is my bridesmaid. I'm probably going to have her mother walk her down. The sister could totally help her get down the aisle. I think as long as you keep your options open on how to get her down you can figure it out.
I'm not seeing what the big deal is. I've seen people put littles ones her age and younger in weddings.
Just some things to keep in mind...
This obviously isn't for her. She's too young to care. Who's it for? If it's something you and your FI feel strongly about, that's fine. FI you teo are really close to her and adore her to pieces, go for it. If you are doing this just because she's made it so far, and struggled the whole way, and want to "reward" her, or give her a big public debut etc., maybe don't do it.
This really has to boil down to what her parents think. If you want her to be in the wedding, who cares what we think? We don't know her. It's got to be up to her parents. Like a pp said, maybe give them some time to chew on it. (And see how she's doing a few months before the wedding. It doesn't take that long to get a flower girl in order for a wedding.)
If it's that important to you, I think the only thing you really should have to worry about, is if she cries going down the aisle, or perhaps climbs out of the wagon, etc. (And how important that is to you.) Really she's at a better age than some 3 yr olds. She probably won't have a tantrum. And if she is a bit fussy, she'll still be too young to keep someone from getting her down the aisle. She doens't really have to get throught the ceremony or the reception. You can arrange for a sitter to take her right out of there, after she walks down the aisle or wait until she gets fussy. And she doesn't have to go to the reception.
I think where there's a will there's a way. If you really want her there, you can plan for accommodations to meet her schedule. But just go ahead and talk to her mom, if you're serious about it.
A lot of wedding guide things I have read say like 2 to 8, but I think that even a 2 year old is too young. I think that if they can't walk themselves down the aisle without throwing a complete tempertantrum, then they are too young. Our ring bearer will be 5 when we get married and our flower girl will be 7. If we didn't have those two, I don't know if we'd have a ring bearer or flower girl at all. The kids are children of one of FI's GMs and one of my BMs, so they will be able to stand with their parents the whole time.
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Ok Bees, I'm turing to the experts on this one. FI and I have been debating the flower girl decision for the past few weeks. Here is the background:
FBIL and his wife had a baby girl at the end of March 2009, Emma. Emma was almost 3 months premature - she weighed 1.5 pounds at birth. She fought through multiple infections and had 2 eye surgeries in those first fragile months. Thank God, she's now a chubby 9.6 pound baby, at home with her parents. She's got a few small issues, but it's seriously a miracle that she survived. We met her for the first time last weekend (FBIL is out of state) and she's fantastic.
We realize at the time of our wedding, October 2010, she'll only be about a year and a half. Assuming all her health issues clear up, is this too young to be a flower girl? We know she can't walk on her own, but we were thinking of having her 12 year old sister be a junior bridesmaid and walk/carry her down the isle. A friend at work also suggested dressing up a wagon and pulling her down the isle that way. We know the chances of her freaking out might be good, but her dad will be the best man, her mom will be close by, as will several other family members.
It seems that family (his and mine) are very opposed to putting her in the wedding. They think she'll be far too young, even with the alternatives above. FI and I, and many of our friends, think that there should be a way to include baby Emma.
What do you think? I want to be clear, if she's still having any health issues, we would NOT put her in a situation she could not handle. But if she continues to do well over the next year, do you think it's out of the question? Maybe it's just too soon to think about this? I'm not sure any more!
Thanks! :)