Post # 1
I feel like I am not sure what it is that I am able to ask of my Bridal Party. I have had issues and been upset and am feeling unsupported. Wishing I eloped at times due to the stress of wedding planning. My parents have both passed on so I was truly counting on my friends (bridal party) to assist me in making our day special.
So I would like to know what the Bridal Party Duties are supposed to be. What is realistic and what is unrealistic in expectations?
Post # 3
@nativedesires: Every Bee may tell you a different story.
When I was a BM 3 times this is what we did
1)Bough our own dresses and shoes and took care of our own jewelry and cosmetics
2) Helped put together the invites
3) Helped assemble the favors
4) Hosted the bridal shower
5) Hosted the bachelorette party
6) Supported the bride.
What are your BM’s not doing? Most Bees would find me crass but I’m above asking people if they want to stay in the party or not.
Post # 4
I pretty much just expected them to buy their dress/shoes and show up on the day of. Maybe help out with a few little things for set up (putting out place cards, programs, etc).
Post # 5
@Westwood: + 1
I haven’t really expected anything of my bridal party either.
Post # 6
I was truly counting on my friends (bridal party) to assist me in making our day special.
Sorry OP, its your day. Not theirs. All a bridal party is ‘expected’ to do is show up on the wedding day and support you. Anything else (hosting a shower, going to appointments, ect) is above and beyond. Try to focus on all the wonderful things you’re doing with your FI, instead of what you wish others were doing for you.
Post # 7
Most people on here will tell you that all the party has to do is buy or rent their outfit and show up on the day of. I get that for people who live out of town, but deep down, I believe that most people expect the bridal party to help out in some way (case in point, my MOH asked me what I wanted her to do, so I sent her links to several lists I found about bridesmaid duties and picked out the few that I expected and told her to ignore the rest). Projects, shopping trips, support, throwing parties, etc. I realize that people have their own lives, I really do. I haven’t really asked my girls to do anything, mostly because only one of them lives in town (well, two, but the other one is only 15), but they’ve been there for me via email/Facebook/text.
Post # 9
Remember, they are your friends/family first and your BMs second… treat them the way you would want to be treated at their wedding, remembering that they have busy lives as well. They will be excited for you on the day!! But they are not thinking about it every day like you are.
Post # 10
The first time I was a MOH I didn’t really know what was expected of me because I just hadn’t had a lot of wedding experience. The bride ended up getting really angry with me for not doing certain things, when all she really needed to do was ask. I would have been happy to help in any way! Now I’m getting married. I have a pretty low expectation of my bridesmaids, like a lot of other people said, show up & buy the dress, etc. And I know the local ones are planning to do some bachelorette party planning. But in your case, I completely understand why you would want a little more help & I think there’s nothing wrong with asking. I would recommend making a list if things you think you need and seeing what you think is reasonable to ask, then send them an email, or give them a call & ask if there’s anything they might be able to do. There’s a good chance you’ll get a positive response & find that many of them will be happy to help!
Good luck!! I know it’s really important to feel supported when you’re planning so much!
Post # 11
According to most people on here, just buy their dress and show up. IMO it is also their job to be supportive, help out with the little things.