(Closed) Could use some advice

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11354 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Alex1969:  I am a little bit confused by your post. Didn’t you say that you have already lived together? 

“We did great together living together.”

Post # 4
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

IMO You can’t force him unfortunatly…I think I would feel worse if I thought the only reason my SO proposed is because I made him (he obviously wants to build a life with you). I would just let things take there natural course…..(feel free to slip hints here and there)

 

Post # 6
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You just really need to discuss with him. Does he have any idea that you don’t want to move in together without being married? Have you discussed how he feels about it? It may be that he doesn’t want to propose unless he knows he has a stable job/career or $X dollars inthe bank or any other number of reasons. He may feel that he has to live with a woman first before proposing marriage. These are all things you need to discuss.

To me, the fact that your brother is the one offering the job, and also the one who is sticking his nose in your relationship, would be a big red flag if I were your boyfriend.  Why does he get  a say, why does his opinion matter?. He is not the one that is getting married to you. How does he know how your boyfriend feels about marriage or commitment? Not everyone has the same feelings, which is why you two need to discuss, Pronto!

Post # 7
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s easier to bring up in the context of a friend (even fictional):

“My friend Sally is waiting for her BF Greg to propose, they’ve been together 4 years… Do you think we’ll be engaged when we’ve been together that long?”

“Sally and Greg are thinking about moving in together, but she feels weird about it because they’re not engaged. She told him they’d feel better if they had plans to get engaged within a year of moving in. What do you think about that agreement?”

Something like that!

Post # 8
Member
11354 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Alex1969:  Thank you so much for clarifying. 

Although I personally oppose the concept of couples living together outside of a marriage commitment (primarily for faith-based reasons as well as some very practical considerations), I just wanted to say that I think you are wise in not wanting to live with your SO without at least a proposal. 

Post # 9
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

how long have you been together?  i would just be blunt. “You know, I’m excited to live with you and I want this to be long term.  What do you think about getting married someday?” 

That might start the conversation…

if its too soon for that maybe its too soon to get engaged/move in?

Post # 11
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I mean you’re both at an age where this really isn’t hard to say & no beating around the bush is necessary.

Considering that you let things progress this far without bringing it up until now is unfair to him, I think.  It should have been the first topic of conversation after you both said you were willing to move.

With that being said, just tell him & see what he says.  I mean if he says no, I don’t want to get engaged, it’s better off knowing now before you move.

Post # 14
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Alex1969:  Yeah I guess I am just in the honest is best policy group and I do not tend to dance around subjects.  You’ll be fine — who knows, he might be thinking the same thing & is nervous to bring it up.

And aw, welcome back to the D 🙂 I just moved back myself in March.  It’s been quite the transition… I was farrrrr away from home.  Kinda boring with no hockey on… 😛

Post # 16
Member
11354 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Alex1969:  Well, now that you’ve told me a little more about your reservations and convictions, I have some additional questions. 

Are the two of you planning to purchase a home, or rent something when you move in November? (If his friend will be renting his existing condo, it sounds as if your BF is not immediately planning to sell his home to obtain the equity to purchase a house right now.  If that’s the case, would it be possible for the move to your hometown to involve each of you renting your own apartments for awhile? If that isn’t practical from a financial perspective, what if you considered moving in with your parents or another family member for a period of time?)

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