Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We’ve had a rocky relationship, and my brothers really do not approve. They’ve made comments, which has caused my boyfriend to dislike them. I feel like I’m in the middle of it. They don’t talk to each other except the few times they see each other. A couple of months ago my brother’s boyfriend was having a party. They invited my brother’s gf (whom he had only been seeing a month) but basically said my boyfriend wasn’t invited. Later, they took it back, because it caused a lot of drama in the family (my parents didn’t go to the party because of this), but the damage was already done.
We have other problems (minor stuff) but I’m just wondering if this would be a deal breaker for you.
Btw, my brothers and I are kind of close. I say kind of because I don’t see them as much anymore, and because lately they’ve been extremely critical and negative to me, which upsets me. It got to the point where my parents actually had to intervene, because it was upsetting them too. It’s died down a bit now, but I guess I’m still bitter.
Post # 3
My brother doesn’t like my Fiance and it’s not a deal breaker for me. But I’m not particularly close to my brother (I don’t really like him as a person, actually) so that’s probably why.
Since you and your brothers are close it’s a little different. This is one of those cases where you need to figure out what’s more important: being with the man you chose and love, or being with someone who gets along with your brothers. I’d be inclined to say pick your guy. Over time maybe your brothers will come to like him (or at least be nicer to him).
Post # 4
I would be devastated. I love my brother, and I know with 100% certainty that he will always have my best interest in mind. My FH is the same way. They get along very well.
I don’t know what you mean by “rocky relationship”, but I sense that your bf has hurt you in certain ways and your brothers have taken exception. That is perfectly normal, and I’m sure they only want the best for their sister. No one takes kindly to seeing a family member or friend being treated badly in a relationship — especially the “other” men in our lives.
I’m not saying what they are doing is okay, but IMO it IS understandable and not unforgiveable. Sometimes it is hard for us to keep our mouths shut when we believe that someone we care about is making a mistake.
Regardless, as long as the “rockiness” has not involved abuse, I think you should talk to your brothers and let them know that while you realize they are looking out for you, you need to make some decisions on your own, and you want to maintain your close relationship with them but that this back-and-forth with your bf is making it impossible.
Post # 5
I wouldnt be able to handle that. My husband and my older brother are one month apart and are practically best friends. My younger brother and my husband are not as close just because there are 6 years between them but they still really like each other. I love my brothers and it was important to me that my brothers loved my husband and vice versa.
Post # 6
I couldn’t deal with that kind of riff, but I’m very close with my siblings. Mr.ND was actually friends with my brothers before we dated.
In your situation, it seems like your folks are being mediators, and that your brothers and your boyfriend aren’t hostile, they’re just not friendly at all. I think that is something you could maybe work through, but if your relationship’s been rocky and your brothers are being protective of you, this could be a long-lasting thing.
Post # 7
I think it depends on how close you are with your brothers and how often you see them. Have you talked with your brothers about how this bothers you? Have you talked with your SO? For your sake, maybe they would be willing to bury the hatchet.
Post # 8
It hasn’t involved abuse.
We were really young when we got together, and very immature and indecisive. That’s caused many problems.
I just don’t think they realize that they’re not hurting each other. They’re hurting me.
Post # 9
@lostbee1234: Tell them that 🙂
Post # 10
That is tough, I am fortunate to have an amazing BIL and my brother & husband get along great. I have had a rocky relationship w/ my in-laws in the past and my BIL has stood up for me and my husband one more then one occasion – thank goodness for him!
My only advice is for you to sit them down (w/o your FI) and lay it out, say “I’m with him, please accept it for my sake” but you have to understand you can’t force them to be friends – only ask that they are respectful.
Post # 11
My brother and I are like oil and water to start. (he’s not a great person) I actually like that fact that Darling Husband doesn’t like him. My ex really liked him and listening to them talk about things so happily truly annoyed me.
Post # 12
You need to tell them that they need to get over it, what’s in the past is in the past (unless you guys still act this way). They are hurting you by putting you in the middle, and everyone needs to grow up.
We all get along really well – me, hubs, sil, brother, sister.