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I don't think it's irrational at all to want the wedding you envision. And yes, wedding planning can be really overwhelming, especially in the beginning when how much everything costs starts to become more of a reality. My FI always says the exact same thing - and I love him for it! - but sometimes I think guys just don't get how important some of the other wedding stuff is to us girls (and I'm a girl who never thought I would have an actual ceremony/reception).
You can have a really beautiful wedding on a budget and I think that's one of the things that weddingbee can be really great for. And you know, you could do the judge thing - make it legal - and then give yourself some time to throw an actual wedding or a party or something to compromise. I think when you get overwhelmed by it all, it's always good to take a bit of a break - since you don't have a date yet, it might be a good idea. And then come back to it in a couple days or a week or so and you might be surprised how much better you feel or new ideas that you get. Hang in there - it will get better!
I'm going into my suggestion completely blind but what if you had a close friend or relative marry you? I don't understand how that would be any different than having a friend do it for a larger wedding?
I'm a firm believer that everyone can have a beautiful wedding on any budget. It just means that it will be more work. However, why should you have a courthouse wedding when you clearly don't want one? You'll regret it forever.
There are SO many ways to cut costs in a wedding. The biggest if your guest list. More people equals more of everything, including food, drinks, centerpieces, tables, favors, programs, etc. The smaller the wedding, the cheaper it will be.
Have a family member bake your cake. It will also have more meaning that way. If no one is good with baking, go to a grocery store. Seriously. OR, get a tiny cake that serves about 30-50 people and order cupcakes or sheet cakes.
Make your own bouquets and bouts with flowers from a grocery store. Or, have a pro make your bouquets and bouts, and don't have centerpieces. We made our own centerpieces with candles and branches in a vase, and we saved a ton of money.
Hire a photog from Craigslist. Many of them are reputable and talented, but work for cheap while they build their portfolio. Skip the videographer, and just have someone use their personal recorder to capture the big moments like the ceremony, and toasts and first dance.
Make your own invites. Get married at a place that's all-inclusive with food, tables, chairs and china. They're often less expensive.
I would do some number crunching before you make any decisions. Good luck, and keep us posted!
You are not crazy!
Some girls dream about their wedding their WHOLE lives and having to let go of your dreams is hard!
But I don't think you have to let go of everything!
Set up a budget - find out how much things cost for a wedding in your area - call vendors and compare prices!
Once you have a budget in place you will see where you can decrease costs and the organization of everything will help your head from spinning!
Then you can actually establish whether a wedding is doable for you as a couple and it what time frame!
Good Luck!
I am having a "real" wedding. But part of me is like I am blowing all of this money on one day when I would get the same end result, plus have a down payment on a house, by getting married in a court. Sometimes throwing all of this money away really kills me.
You can get married with whatever level elegance you want a city hall too! We had a black-tie elopement with four guests and it was luxurious, formal, elegant, and exactly what we wanted. I don't know if anybody has a vision of styrofoam. I certainly didn't!
I totally get where you're coming from, but the opposite: I don't know why, but I've always known that I didn't want a church wedding. It wasn't even that I'm not religious, because I was growing up, and knew even then I didn't want a church wedding! It's just not me... and that's one of the things I've stuck firm on. I would sooner envision myself getting married in a courthouse, which I think can be done beautifully (as can church weddings!) for some unexplainable reason.
Would you be happy considering something non-traditional? I have heard of a lot of really fun ideas lately, down to a potluck wedding in the countryside. There are a lot of low-cost alternatives to a courthouse wedding!
What about getting married with an officiant at the beach or a state park? New York has lots of beautiful places
you can have a small intimate wedding, buffet style is very affordable and is common now with the economy
I've seen some pretty classy, fancy couthouse weddings on the bride blogs lately. You can have a wedding and do it the way you want it. The big cost factors are the # of guests - so keep it small, the venue - do you have a parent or friend with a nice property/house where you could have the reception? Also doing cocktails and dessert is a great way to have an elegant reception on a budget.
Also, keeping the bridal party small (just MOH and BM) helps keep costs down. You've got all the resources you need right here on WB to do it right whichever avenue you choose!
I know exactly what you're going through. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted a huge wedding, lots of guests, and to feel like a princess. It also had to be a Catholic mass wedding. I always wanted something like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, except it would be My Big Fat Italian Wedding.
Due to a very tough and emotionally killing situation I'm in, I can't have that. I can't even have my family at my wedding. My FH doesn't want a wedding (he doesn't like celebrations; he's a homebody to the nth degree), but he's willing to give me what I want if it'll make me happy. He's willing to give me the day I've always dreamed of (minus my family being there, and minus the Catholic thing because he's not religious).
So, what I've decided on is this: a wedding of about 50 people (mostly his family and friends), with a reverend who does civil ceremonies (so we don't have to do the courthouse thing), preferably outside - but we're looking at a place that is indoor/outdoor, buffet-style with a seating chart. Our budget is $3000, so we won't be spending too much money on it, and will still have lots left over. We're making a lot of the things ourselves - favors, bouquets, bouts, centerpieces, invites, STDs, etc.
You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a wedding/reception that is elegant. You can still have what you dreamed of with a lower budget. I promise :)
Also, everyone here is so supportive and so helpful that you'll definitely be able to pull it off. Don't stress too much, or it won't seem worth it
How about having the honeymoon and wedding all in one?
A small yet elegant destination wedding with white dress, minister, beautiful flowers and reception?
check out Mrs. SeaBreeze's posts here!
I'm also one who will try to do the combo intimate wedding too!
Also, check out intimateweddings.com !
Thank you everyone.. I had a very loooong weekend, spending Saturday with much of my Fiancé's family and Sunday at a Pre-Thanksgiving celebration with most of my family. I rec'd a good "talking to" by my cousins who want to help me with things. My MOH (One of my cousins) said.. "OK i'm giving you until December 1st to go and see at least one other venue (she and my parents and my Fiance went to see one in May) so.. I did it today! I made an appt to go and chk out a Holiday Inn about 30 mins north of here. They have a pretty cheap pkg ($59/per person with 100 person min.) so we'll see what that brings. I'm pretty excited though :)
Thank youuuuu!
Have you thought about having it at a public park (usually very affordable) or someone's home? And if its the judge that bothers you, why not have a family friend get ordained and officiate? Or even keep the judge but have family friends read during the ceremony, and have it someplace other than the courthouse. I agree -- going to the courthouse is not your only option! While I've seen it done beautifully, if its not what you want, then you shouldn't do it! There are plenty of ways to have an inexpensive wedding that is still what you envision.
We are doing a courthouse wedding because of our Visa situation but we are planning a bigger celebration later. We'll have our close family with us, total 10 people, wear a suit and my dress, hire a photographer, DIY bouquet and bouts in the beautiful Santa Barbara courthouse and then have a fancy dinner. I feel like our wedding is going to be real since both of us are not religious. Courthouse weddings don't have to be tacky, Miss Moonbeam, Miss Pudding and Mrs MaryJane did the small intimate weddings and they were gorgeous.
If you feel like you are not getting what you always wanted then maybe it's not the way to do it but there is a way to make it budget friendly if you need to.
I was feeling the same way a few days ago!!!! Every girl envisions her perfect wedding from the time they find out what a wedding is! I'm not super girly but i've always wanted to feel like a beautiful princess on my wedding day!
Buuuuut.... money is tight(as it seems to be with everyone) and spending all this money on things that will be worn once used once and trown away seems ridiculous to me! And we've been together for a longtime so waiting even longer to plan something extravagant and expensive seems pointless!
I'm going to find a pretty white party dress and (TRY) to make my veil, get some beautiful flowers and have the ceremony at the Courthouse. It will be just be Me my Fiance and our Son my Dad and my Fiances Mom and my best friend and his. And hopefully our grandparents.
Then a nice lunch and a Celebration Reception that night with bands and a dj, finger foods, drinks and dancing!
When people start to focus on all the unneeded extras they forget the reason for getting married really is!!It's not at all what i thought my wedding would be like but I'm marrying My Fiance not a dress or a church or some expensive reception hall or a huge five course meal. So as long as we're together with our son and everyone is happy and having fun thats all that really matters!
Congratulations MissyE! Don't forget you can also find cheap veils on ebay and etsy. I'm sure you're far more crafty than I am, but anything to do with scissors turns out really badly for me :-). We eloped with four dear friends and it was the best day of my life.
*Hug* You don't have to do something that makes you wanna cry! Why not have a friend(Universal Church or whatever) marry you and then have your very closest out to dinner?
Jus Sayin. You have alternatives. Cheer Up!
Sorry I'm late but I wanted to let you in on what we're doing because I've done the big wedding the first time around. What a mess. Won't do it again.
FI wants to do courthouse wedding but I really, really want good photos of us and the parents but don't want tons of people and paying for a big "thing." We decided to get married at a park we go to a lot with just our parents there. I'm wearing a wedding dress, he a nice shirt and pants, we have a notary and a photographer and that's it. It's about us, no one else, and if this is what we want and can afford this is what we're doing.
Surprisingly my friends still want to throw me a shower even though there's no wedding or reception. I have been blessed to have friends that want my whole experience to still be traditional wedding-like, even if all they get is some photos :)
Do what you want and can afford. The whole point is to get married, not have everyone there and put on a show. It works for some people, just not others.
Thanks Cheerful!!! I'm actuallly going to Try(like i said lol) to make the veil out of my mom's wedding dress!!! (i posted about it in Asseccories actually. )Eeek! : )
OMG, you described my feelings exactly. My boyfriend recently brought up the idea of marriage and as soon as I heard him say Justice of the Peace, I felt my eyes water up and a ball in my tummy. And not the "good butterflies" ball but the "Dream Wedding Access Denied" ball. I knew this was just a conversation and not a actual planning but it still felt... "ehhhh?".
Instantly, I was "something something" about the thought of doing it at the Justice of Peace while simutaenously feeling quite crappy that I would be so worried about where a wedding would take place. It's like you love this person, and would do anything to be with them, but at the same time, you want your wedding day to be perfect. When I tried to explain it to him about how most girls grow up with all sorts of ideas for their wedding, I'm sure the last thing (if its even on the list at all) is to get married by some stranger at a courthouse where people come to pay their speeding tickets. I mean, you think about your family being there and sharing the moment, the pictures that you'll take that will be a beautiful reminder forever and such.
No offense to anyone who has had a Justice of the Peace wedding, but for me personally, it kinda feels like a drive-thru 5 minute wedding in vegas done by Elvis, and thats probably more romantic than the Justice of peace. Its not about the ammount of cash spent. It doesn't have to be some grand church with doves releasing, a mermaid and unicorn ice sculpture that serves Dom Perignon and some overly decorative Kate Middleton dress.
I mean, I know alot of people who have nice backyards, and tons of friends who wouldn't mind cooking as we always have great get togethers and the foods is always delicious, hell my sister is a graphic designer so decorations is her thing, she'd gladly help if I bribe her with strawberry shortcake... erm back to the point... No one is asking for the royal wedding of the century, but us girls would just love to make it special and memorable.
He jokingly said he would be wearing his best Nikes and a white T. Luckilly for him I can take a joke...with my hands around his neck...playfully lol XD
I really hope you got your dream wedding, as well as any other ladies up here planning their big day.
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G'afternoon Beesies!
Firstly, I don't want to make ANYONE feel badly by saying Court house weddings aren't the "real deal" this is completely my own opinion and for some wacko reason, I have been very emotional when I even think of going and being married by a judge someplace.
It is something that my FI and I have been throwing around because the very thought of the financial issues and other stressors sends my head-a-spinning. And he is very in-touch with how I am feeling at all times and if I am stressed out or upset, so is he. He doesn't want this to be a daunting task to get married. He wants us to be happy while going through this journey, or we should just go to the courthouse and do it.
When I think about getting married in front of a judge, I literally want to break down and cry. I'm not even sure why.
I will tell you this.. many of my friends have been married in front of a judge and/or had a justice of the peace marry them in some VFW or Knights of Columbus hall, or other local receation/community hall/gymnasium someplace with large vendor tables and folding chairs, styrofoam plates and plasticware. That is NOT what I have been dreaming about for the last 25yrs. I am just having such a hard time with no clue as to WHAT THE HECK my problem is!!!!
So frustrating!!! Has anyone else had this hopeless feeling? What do you think I should do? FI says he wants to get married, it doesnt matter who is there or what we wear.. just that we are there together and we vow our life and love to one another. He would go and do it next week if I was willing. But I'm not willing and I think that I'm so dead-set on making my wedding out to be everything I have ever dreamed about. Is this insanity? Irrational thinking? Or just me being overwhelmed?
I feel lost. :(