Post # 1
We recently had a courthouse wedding after being together for 8 years.There was no hollywood-esque romantic proposal that many couples seem to rave about. It began with a need for health insurance and paying $200 a month for my meds.He just asked me one night if I wanted to get married and I joyfully agreed. We were engaged for a year. I had student loan debt that needed to be worked off, and he wanted to buy a new house. We weren’t fans of large weddings then as both of us are shy. We wanted something very very small But…
The wedding date happened quickly as a result of an ongoing medical problem that needed immediate care (I didn’t have health insurance before).We eloped on a weeknight at the courthouse with my mom, his parents and brother so I could be seen by a doctor during the same week. I wore a cream colored clearance isle JCrew dress, he wore his trousers and tie, and we all had a nice dinner afterwards followed by homemade cake and champagne over at the house. The 4 guests left early, but we danced in our living room to ipod tunes till 11pm. and got a cheap professional photographer to take photos of us the weekend after. We may even have a larger wedding party (potluck) this year.
Although the evening was special and beautiful, I regret not having a formal ceremony. The elopement was only 10 minutes. I really wanted to wear a real wedding dress, and feel like that regal princess that everyone here rants and raves about on their special day. I didn’t have the financial means (nor do I right now) for that kind of dress, hairstylist etc. and I feel terrible about it. Yes, I know its for a day and what matters most is the marriage and not the wedding itself but… heres what really got me:
I recently heard my brother in law and his live-in girlfriend of 2 years (it took my hubby 8 years to ask the question and we’re both in our 30s) are planning to marry in the future with a big ceremony. I immediately grew green with envy as immature as it sounds. I can’t bear to think of being there when they exchange their vows, her in a perfect wedding dress, enjoying the more than 10 minute ceremony and a reception to follow while everyone oos and aas over them for months before the ceremony. It hurts but I’m a bad person for feeling this way. Conveying my feelings to my spouse sounds insencere, ungrateful. Have you experienced this? how did you get over it?
Post # 3
Sorry your are feeling sad about not having a more formal wedding. You could always do a more formal vow renewal and invite more people to that. You could wear a nice gown and have a more personalized ceremony and reception.
Post # 4
I sort of understand how you feel…we didn’t exactly elope, but it was a small ceremony and dinner with only 30 people. My coworker is getting married this weekend and his wedding will have all the bells and whistles- open bar, a band, the father daughter dance, the mother-son dance, toasts, a HUGE bridal party, a $1200 wedding dress, a bus taking the bridal party from the church to the reception, etc., AND they’re having a real honeymoon- my husband couldn’t take vacation time when we got married so it’s indefinitely delayed. I am a little jealous, but when you add up the amount of money (around $25,000-most of it paid for by parents but the couple spent some of their own money) and the amount of stress- she has already called him three times today with some crisis (not even counting the months of planning and appts leading up to this week) over one day and it’s just not worth it to me.
If you want to have a reception later, and wear a pretty white dress, go for it! The important thing is you are now happily married.
Post # 5
I’m eloping, so I may be biased – but your marriage and ceremony sound incredibly romantic and intimate.
Post # 6
I know you’re envious- but I think your ceremony sounds amazing. You didn’t deal with all the wedding b.s. it was about the marriage. 🙂
Post # 7
You should not feel bad for being envious. Envy is a natural emotion, it comes because whenever we choose one door, the rest slam shut. Your ceremony was right for you at the time, and it sounds wonderful and romantic. Not in the big hollywood movie kind of way, but in the way a simple piano ballad is romantic (this from a girl who cries every.single.time she hears “Fools Rush In”), it’s the purest reflection of your love.
Post # 8
I love what you did! On your 5 year wedding anniversery you could have a recommittment ceremony and have lots of time to plan and save for a bigger celebration. Enjoy the closeness that you had and cherish dancing with your husband until wee hours of the night. How romantic.
Post # 9
I second the posters that said you shouldn’t feel bad about being envious. That’s a natural feeling. I always said ‘yeah, I’m so happy for you’ everytime someone got engaged and I was still waiting, I was genuinely happy for them, but then I’d hang up the phone, filled with envy that another person got engaged. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person for feeling that way.
I also think you could look to the future when you and your DH are more financially stable. You could put together a vow renewal and have the ceremony and reception and details you’ve always wanted.
Post # 10
Did you make a decion or get answers?
Are you going to do a nice renewal party?
Also, I hope your health improved!