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I completely agree! my fiance and i are doing something like that too!! congrats by the way!
Just don't let people get to you. You two love eachother, why not start off life together the right way? and having a second day to say your vows is going to be so much fun!
My FI and I are doing the same. I live in TX, he lives in IL. We are doing this so that we can get started on our lives in the same city and for the reason of getting the paperwork for my immigration started - I'm Canadian here on work Visa.
I also hesitated for a while about this. In the end, we decided on a practical route. :)
Good luck and go with it!
Cheers! We totally did this a couple of weeks ago. Our wedding was already planned for October though, but got hitched early because of medical insurance reasons.
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/we-eloped
Do what you want. It sounds like you can have your cake and eat it too!
There will be some traditional folks that just won't understand, but who cares? If anyone is brazen enough to bring it up, you can easily explain your perspective and ask them to support you and your FI in this happy decision you've made. Congratulations!
Honestly, who cares what others think. Do what is best for you and your FI. My sister actually got married by the JOP and then had her reception where she had a mock wedding ceremony for those that couldn't attend the court wedding. Noone seemed to mind at all. It was the best of both worlds.
I got married in June, so we could take advantage of medical benefits, and for other financial reasons. We are still doing the church ceremony and reception as originally intended in January. Do what's right for you.
We did that ! We got married ..but didn't tell anyone ..(espec the families) , so as far as anyone elses concerned Next June is when were getting married..we didn't want to make a big deal out of it , and we weren't sure if the families would object..plus its kinda nice having this big secret with us ..like when were alone ..we call each Hubby and wife..lol..So do what u want , and the hell with what others say or think ..:) BE HAPPY !
i say just do what makes you both happy. that's really who this is all about anyway, the two of you and doing what is right for the two of you as a couple! good luck. keep us updated.
I haven't talked about it, but this is what we did. Got legally married first, then had a wedding celebration a year later. Like Brattkatt22, we didn't tell anyone till after the fact. We had our reasons (we're a military couple). Do what is best for you two and what makes you happy. :o)
This is really common for military couples - my husband and I went to a JOP before we were going to move across the country, because otherwise the Navy wouldn't have moved any of my stuff or recognized our serious relationship in anyway. I say, if you want to get married "twice" - go for it! My husband and I love having a "secret" anniversary day that we celebrate (our JOP ceremony), along with our actual wedding anniversary.
Of course that's fine! We were actually thinking of doing the same thing...so that I could add my FI to my insurance. Haven't totally decided yet...but it's definitely an option. Also, I have a ton of friends that did it that way...and their wedding didn't feel any less "weddingy"!
well thank you all so much for the encourgement! We arent a military couple but the long distance is just a hastle and we dont see the point in waiting to spend our lives together if we dont have to. I wish that we could keep it hush hush but due to the fact we are going to be living together its kinda gonna be "out there" ... Im just happy I get to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life! yay!
Yes, of course.
I actually know a lesbian couple who got married here in MA over a year ago and still haven't had their "real wedding" yet. They got married, legally, asap just in case the legislators took their right to marry away from them. They are having the fancy ceremony and reception this fall.
I've also heard of many military couples doing this as well.
Go for it. :)
My eldest sister and her husband got married in the court house a year before their Church wedding. that extra 12 months gave them enough time and resources to plan the wedding of their dreams.
My second sister and her husband are both in the military, they were married so they wouldn't be separated and took them 2 years (after 9/11) to have a church wedding and a reception.
Both my sister's love having two anniversaries, and I am following their lead. I will have a small intimate church wedding in my home town, and a destination wedding later.
Everyone I know say the second one doesn't count, but hey whatever! they made it out anyways for both my sister and they booked their tickets for my wedding! its your wedding do what is best for the both of you. People will always try to down play something different because maybe they didn't think of it first. Good Luck!! =)
This is what my husband and I did. We got married privately at a courthouse, then exactly one year later (on our first anniversary, it happened to fall on a Saturday) we had a big church ceremony and reception. For us, it was absolutely perfect. On the day we got married, I didn't have any wedding day distractions. It was just my husband and I and our vows. On the "wedding" day, it was a hoot. I was not stressed at all and just wanted to have fun. I was much more laid back since the marriage part was already sealed. The wedding was really (for me) just an excuse to have a big party and celebrate with my family and friends. Also, because we didn't plan a big expensive wedding to begin with, we were able to buy a house before our 1st anniversary.
I'm glad so many people have had good experiences doing this. With my fiance being in the Army and deployed we are seriously considering doing this also when he gets home for his mid tour leave.
Was it very hard for you to keep the secret if you didn't tell people you were doing it?
It is absolutely okay ;)
one of my good friends got married at the court house and then had a wedding!
<span style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic;">jeffreysgirl4ever - <span style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: 13px;">thanks so much for that encouragement! I really have been stressing a little mainly because some people (friends and family) have acted weird about it- they arent straight up saying no, but they are acting skeptical.
<span style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: 13px;">When you had the "wedding" did you have to do anything different then a first marriage as far as a wedding certificate and such? Was the preacher okay to marrying you two a second time? I would love to hear all about it if you dont mind sharing... I am just a little nervous that after my courthouse marriage I am going to have problems getting "married again" Thanks so much!! :)
chewy: you are so nice! im glad it worked for them and I am sure it will work for me also! I love what you said about people acting funny because they didnt do it first! you are wonderful!
thanks to all of you for your feedback! I really do appreciate it more than anything!!
heck yes! You should have a wedding if that's what you want! It doesn't even have to be a whole ceremony (unless you want one!) It could just be a big party for everyone to celebrate your love!
I think it's totally okay to get legally married first. My FI and i are having a detination wedding and to skip all the drama with legal documents from one country to the next we figured doing it first would be the smarter idea. We wanted to be married by the church anyway, but were planning to do it when we got back from the destination wedding in Aruba. But doing it first was the better idea. So were getting married by the church 2 weeks before the destination.
The church ceremony will be just us and our immediate family in attendance, followed by lunch at a nice restuarant...how intimate can you get! It makes it even better to celebrate such a great day with the ones you love the most!!
we are doing this too I live in Arkansas and my fi is in Alaska bc hes in the Army. We are going to do the JOP so I can move up with him and transfer schools and get in state tution there. Our ceremony will be 6 months later in Florida. I think its fine to do it we are only telling my mother and she understands she would rather me be married and moving in with him than not for 6 months.
We're doing the same thing for military reasons. Go for it if it works for you!
My fiance and I are planning to get legally married in January by the officiant who will marry us at our real wedding in October, so she'll already know. We're going to treat the wedding in October as our real wedding, and not consider the January date our anniversary or anything like that, and we probably won't exchange vows and definetly won't exchange rings in January. It will be kept a secret from most of our family and friends.
I had a friend who did the same thing last year - had the legal wedding, with just her maid of honor and best man there, in November, and had the real wedding in March. For insurance purposes. And it went over well. From what I remember, their officiant (a minister) wasn't too happy that they were already secretly married, though.
We are doing this too (my FH is Army). We are having our legal wedding this Friday, and then having our "real" wedding in July, as planned. We decided not to tell anyone other than our parents.
p.s. we are exchanging cheap rings at our "legal" wedding and we'll exchange the real deal rings at our 'real' wedding. I don't think anyone will notice my cheapo wedding band, so I think our secret is safe seeing as my FH is leaving for training a few weeks after our legal wedding and won't get back until the weekend before our 'real' wedding.
We did this :) Like @AGIJAY: my fiance is Army, and it just made much more sense to be getting the benefits from the Army rather than waiting (as he was already living with me AND paying for the barracks). We were married by JOP in July, and we were married in front of our friends and family in October. My parents knew, as did the majority of my friends, but he decided not to tell his mom (she's pretty much insane)... I didn't support that decision but I figure, whenever she finds out, it'll be his problem!
its not exactly the same but i'm getting "for real' married on new years this year and then a symbolic ceremony in mexico
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So here's the story...
I live in Texas and my fiance lives in NC- I own a house in TX and he is going to move there to be with me. I really am not a big fan of living together before marriage so we are going to get married by a JOP in the court house and then have a wedding wedding next summer on the beach and a big reception and whatnot... any thoughts on that?
thats what we plan on doing... some people seem against this and others dont mind but for us it just seems right- it will save us boo-koos of $$ on airfare plus we get to plan our wedding TOGETHER... we want to have our wedding in FL so us living together hopefully will make that more simple.
any thoughts?