Post # 1
My fiance and I want to get married at the courthouse this year (we have our reasons, long story), with an actual wedding ceremony and reception to follow next year. I had never imagined I would get married at the courthouse, and although it is not ideal, it is neccesary for us.
We recently announced our engagement to our families, and told them of our intentions. We explained that we did not wish to make a big deal of the courthouse ceremony, because for us it is a formality that we are being forced to deal with, and that the actual wedding party to occur next year should be considered the “real” thing.
We would honestly fine being just the two of us at the courthouse, but my parents want to be there. Fine. I cannot go against my mother. But now all of a sudden all of my siblings want to be there too! I appreciate the support, but I tried to explain that we were planning to do this quickly and don’t want to overcomplicate. My older sister is even angry about it. I can’t seem to help her understand that this is not about her! And that it’s not that I don’t want her there, it’s that I want her at the one that I consider important!
We feel like we can’t make everyone happy. What should we do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Really elope and don’t tell anyone when you’re going to the courthouse.
Post # 4
I would be pissed if my brother got married without me too. You are really getting married, even if you don’t celebrate it for a year. Let your family come and witness it. Have the party and vow renewal with the white dress next year, but you’re getting married at the JOP, let them be a part of it!
Post # 5
@Lrroma181986: you shouldn’t have told them your plans. Just elope then announce the wedding later.
Post # 6
@almostmrsj: Problem is that they both have kids and live out of town, and in fact my brother lives out of state! And we were planning to get this done within the next month! The sooner we get it done the better, as we have some legal stuff to be taken care of. I don’t want to be trying to coordinate everyone’s schedules to suit them. Everyone in my family is very opinionated to make matters more complicated.
We were thinking June 7. I don’t know if any of them realized that we were going to do it so soon. But even my mother understands my predicament. She said to just set the date, and if they can’t come, oh well. Thoughts?
Post # 7
A courthouse wedding is a real wedding.
Just elope with no big celebration later.
Post # 8
@bellaluna290: We really want a real celebration later with everyone. I’ve had dreams about this since I was a little girl, and a courthouse wedding alone is not the way I pictured it. Which is why I don’t want too many people involved in the eloping aspect.
Post # 9
@Lrroma181986: I’m with her. I’d have moved heaven and earth to be there when my baby brother got married. They’ll make it work if they care. That’s a Friday, that’s a reasonable accomodation for people with jobs to be able to get there.
Post # 10
I agree, either elope or just let them be there as witnesses.
We’re doing the same thing except ours will only be 2 months apart. The courthouse wedding will be this weekend and our “real” wedding will be in July.
Like you, we’re not treating the courthouse wedding as our real wedding. (We’re not even moving in together until after the real wedding) But our family will be there though. My parents will be there and FI’s parents and siblings will be there as well. After the ceremony, we’ll all go out for lunch. For dinner, we’ll be having some friends over. Our real wedding will be overseas so those who won’t be able to come will be coming to the dinner this weekend.
Although we didn’t want to do anything special, we’re fine with our family being there and then going out for lunch after. They are just going to be there, like standing/sitting and waiting for the ceremony to be over. There’s no flowers and other frou frous anyway so no big deal.
As for the dinner, we’re just looking at it as a sort of groom/bridal shower dinner with close friends.
Post # 11
@Lrroma181986: We are getting married out of state but will probably get our license in our home state. I had no idea until I started digging around on here that family members might consider the day we sign our license our “wedding day” and be ticked off they werent there. It’s a new concept to me. We will be proceeding with our original plan to just go ourselves. If you are going to have an actual ceremony later, you should consider it as well.
Post # 12
My sisters & brother are all really close. When we talked about eloping they all said they’d be upset if we ran off & got married without them. And I get it, ultimately we’re not eloping. Had we done a courthouse wedding (that’s a real wedding) we would have had our parents & siblings.
Post # 13
@Lrroma181986: I was in your situation and honestly I regret not having more people there. We originally didn’t even want our parents there, just our 2 witnesses. But they showed up anyway (along with a couple more friends) and looking back I’m glad they did. No matter where your documents are signed it’s still the official day you got married and holds special significance. You don’t have to have a dozen people there but it’s nice to have your siblings there.
Post # 15
A courthouse wedding is just as real as any other wedding, because it’s when, you know, get married.
No one is forcing you to do anything – either get married now and have a vow renewal later, or just get married now and move on with your lives (which is what I would do), or just wait and do what you had planned.
You’re an adult and can make your own choices.
Post # 16
@Lrroma181986: Then you can wait and have the wedding AND the celebration in one fell swoop. Or you could go to the courthouse and then later that day (or weekend) have a nice dinner with your respective families