Cousin bound to make a scene at wedding.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I will be in a similar predicament when it comes time to write the guest list. My aunt (mom’s sister), her husband and their son are all total trainwrecks. Drugs, alcohol, vulgarity, all that wonderful crap. My cousin (on my mom’s side as well) got married in ’09, and the scene they made was not only embarassing for all of us, but made many guest feel very uncomfortable. My cousin (the druggy son of the druggy parents) came high on something, and after the ceremony fell down a flight of a few stairs, losing his pants in the process, while the entire guest list watch, horrified. To make matters worse, when we tried to have security take my seemingly overdosing cousin away for medical attention, both his parents made an even bigger scene, shouting that “he [was] fine!” and to “F*** off pigs!”

To make matters worse for my cousin (the one getting married), this “special day” started out bittersweet because both her parents had passed, her father from a heart attack when she was 12, and her mother in ’08 from M.S. Knowing that this was going to be a hard day for her, we all tried so hard to make it as special and as perfect as possible. Needless-to-say, my idiot aunt and her exceedingly idioting family made sure that wasn’t easy. Luckily all of this drama happened early in the evening, and security removed my cousin and his parents successfully, but still, what a mess!

My mother and I are so nervous about telling my aunt that she isn’t invited to my wedding next year. She is bound to lose her freaking mind and make it a huge ordeal, but honestly, the idea of having her and my cousin and uncle at my wedding terrifies me. Not only am I afraid of a huge scene like at my other cousins wedding, but I am horrifies that my druggy cousin will say something hugely inappropriate to my FH’s younger sister and cousins. It wouldn’t be at all out of character for him to speak to them or touch them inappropriately, as he has done it to me since we were young. 

How the heck do you go about not inviting these kinds of people?!!?

Post # 4
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@mousepeach:  It is at this point that you institute the underground betting pool for the decent wedding goers centered around David and his below par antics….every family has people like this in them, and the way I look at it…If we all have to watch you dry hump Twila on the dance floor, forever branding the image in all of our minds, we might as well stand to make a little cash and have fun at your expense.

Find someone who’s good at math and can still be discreet, have them hold the money, couple of different categories should keep everyone entertained and in the money till the night is out…

People can bet which song they decide to get it over with and attempt vertical sex on the dancefloor to.

How many drinks each of them will spill

The number of times they use this event to talk about their own “wedding” which is likely to occur at a bowling alley on 1$ pitcher night.

And for an extra $5, guests can enter the Jackpot pool, first person to get a cell phone shot of them screwing in the john takes the pot!

 

Post # 5
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@mousepeach:  Do you have to invite that guy at all?  Ugh.  What a sucky situation.  I wish I had good advice for you, but I just don’t.  It’s polite to give plus ones.

I will say that I was overly concerned about plus ones for my wedding and eventually let it go, so everyone got a plus one.  Tons of people didn’t bring anyone and some did.  I didn’t even notice.  On your wedding day, you’re going to be so preoccupied by other goings-on that you’re not going to notice one extra person.

My SIL got extremely drunk.  We have one picture of her where she has her hands on my brother’s face like she’s about to really go at it (i.e. make out).  Did I witness this on the day?  Nope.  I didn’t even realize she was that drunk until I saw the photo months after the wedding.  And we only had 48 guests at our wedding too.

So try not to worry about it.  Concentrate on your new husband and let everything else fade into the background.

Post # 6
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@SarahTee:  That’s easy.  You don’t invite them.  Since you don’t care about maintaining a good relationship with them anyways, it doesn’t matter that they’ll be upset.  Just make sure they don’t find out when/where it is and crash!

Post # 7
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am a beotch but my stance is, if you can’t behave you aren’t invited to my wedding.

My cousin with 6 children by 4 different women, who is constantly in and out of jail, is missing a tooth and always gets hammered at family events? Not invited.

He’s too entrenched in his own drama to know a single thing about me anyway.

Post # 8
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We are not inviting my FI’s aunt or her entire family because of the exact same reason.  They are very trashy and always have to make a sense to grab attention.  Luckily, they live about an hour away, I have never met them even though we have been together for going on 5 years now, and I really don’t care what the outcome is.  His mother was a little concerned but totally understood and actually agreed with our choice.  That was nice.

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@mousepeach:  You invite Jack and his wife, Tom and David and let them both know that spouses only are invited due to lack of space, if they ask.

Post # 11
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can you ask one of the other brothers to police him? 

Post # 12
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Nona99:  Nona you are my hero, I just love you 🙂

OP is the other cousin living with his SO? Could you do a rule like married, engaged and living together only?

Post # 13
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Christy42213:  Oh, trust me, if it was up to me completely, I wouldn’t have a problem being like, “eff you, get out of my life”, but it’s my mother and grandmother that are more concerned about it. They don’t want me to invite them, but they know that all of the backlash for not doing so will fall on them, and that it potentially means that this sister will be out of their lives for good. After losing another sister to MS, it’s difficult, even if she brings nothing but pain. So I guess what I’m saying is, how do you let them down easy? But I’m with you, as long as they don’t find out where my wedding is, I don’t give a damn if I never see them again.

Post # 14
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@DJones69:  this is soooooo rude. you don’t leave out a girlfriend of 10 years because of some silly rule. and why should they suffer because of the other brother?

Post # 15
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I just wouldn’t invite them!  Obviously they can’t keep it together in public, and if you luck out, maybe they’re so high that they won’t even notice that you had a wedding in the first place lol.  In all seriousness though, he had that little respect at his brother’s wedding, he’ll probably behave worse at yours.  Just NOT worth inviting someone that’s going to mess up your day and offend your guests.

Post # 16
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

@mousepeach:  Send Tom’s girlfriend her own invitation instead of inviting her on Tom’s? Then both David and Tom don’t get a ‘plus one’ but she’ll be there because you consider her close enough to invite on her own merits and not just as a guest of your guest.

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