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Reiterate to your aunt that while you enjoy her family and want them to enjoy your wedding, neither you nor your sister nor your parents can provide supervision for her children during the wedding due to your many obligations. Provide a list of obligations if necessary to drive the point home. Say if she wants to arrange with someone else not in the immediate family/bridal party to watch them, great, but otherwise you suggest she find a sitter and leave them home. You can't disinvite them, but you can stand your ground on her having to provide care for her own kids.
If they refuse to RSVP, then put them down as no. For them to say that someone else should watch their children is absurd. If you did let them go, they should be watching their own kids. When is your wedding? If they do not rsvp by the date you put down, simply tell them you had to get your count in and unfortunately they did not get theirs in by the date requested, and thus they cannot attend. I think everyone has the right to decide who is invited to their own wedding. I SERIOUSLY have an issue with the guests who don't accept that, and argue about it just becuase they aren't getting their way. You can do whatever you want. If they are so selfish to make it about them, you're probably better off without them there.
I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that they won't watch their own children and want you, your sister and your parents to do it. Seriously?!
Since it's your dad's sister, have him talk to her in a firm way, say "Hey, we need to know if you're coming. You need to find a sitter on your own if you insist on bringing the kids, and I'm telling you right now that if you do decide to bring them and not watch them, I'm giving the cows free reign to do what they please if your kids mess with them."
We did not invite the children to the wedding... I'd like to disinvite the parents!
There's no way to invite the kids to the wedding since my fiance's side is not allowed to bring children either. Several of his cousin's have also declined.
My wedding is August 16th. The RSVP date is tomorrow. Invites were sent out eight weeks ago.
Well give them until tomorrow, and on Sunday call and say- "Hey we did not recieve a response from you, I need a definite answer today to turn in my headcount." I agree with pp - what makes you think anyone else invited as a guests should have to watch your kids? For whatever reason you decided to have an adult ceremony and reception its your choice.
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we have had the same problem with a couple guests, it made me realize i'd rather have the kids there and their parents stay home
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I second cbkj's response, this is exactly what we did. My cousin ended up deciding to come without her kids, and my fh's cousin decided to stay home. End of story.
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I completely understand your frustration. The idea of tots terrorizing your day is unbearable. I am a nanny, so I spend more than enough time with kids to know that they just aren't cut out for being in attendance for certain occasions, like a romantic wedding.
I have a rather out of the box suggestion that could resolve the issue. Consider clearing a room in your parents house, asking relatives to bring toys into it a few days before, and hire a babysitter or two to watch the children there for the evening. If you attend a church or live near a college or university, put up fliers requesting babysitters for a group event, and let them know that they'll be responsible to play with (and control/keep out of trouble) multiple children of different ages. Offer them a flat rate for the evening, and meet with them before hand to explain the situation and how important it is for them to handle the children professionally and not allow them to disrupt your nuptuals. Trust me, they will understand and the small additional amount you'll fork out for a babysitter will be more than worth it for alleviating your stress.
We thought about doing that. The problem is the kids want to be outside all the time. My parents have a pool and that's a huge thing with them. They track water in the house making it slippery. The kids also vary in ages- and several of them won't stay put for 6-7 hours in one room. My dad has instead offered the hire and pay for sitters for all my cousin's. This is still not good enough for them.
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Wow. Sometimes it is just not possible to please everyone, or for people to let you focus on your event and not their responsibilities. Bottom line is that those are their kids, and your dad made an offer to compromise. At this point I would just wipe my hands, ask if they are coming or not. end of story.
Everyone else was able to make rational mature decisions about what to do with their children.
And also, this is your wedding day, not just another family get-together at the farm! I don't see a need for them to be in the pool, running around wet, etc. But I know you said they weren't invited, and that's probably a good thing considering the circumstances. I agree with cbkj, everyone else was able to make mature, rational decisions about their kids and face the fact that they couldn't come. Give them a deadline as to when you need a yes/no, if they don't respond, put them down as a no, and move on. This isn't something that needs to be stressed over. If they show up, put them with the livestock.
Have you told them that the pool will not be open? If this is a 'big thing' with the kids as you said, the kids may not even want to be there if that is the case. Hopefully your aunt will realize that it just will not be fun for them.
No brilliant suggestions, but wanted to say it sounds as if your aunt/cousins are complete terrors! While a wedding is a celebration/party, it is not an excuse for the family to bring all the kids and take a day off from parenting at the expense of the bridal party and family! How completely rude.
The only thing I would say is that you should stress the importance of getting an accurate headcount for your caterer, which is a reasonable request. Once they offer a head count you can see if they are bringing their kids. If they elude to bringing the kids, just plainly say that we cannot have kids at the wedding for safety concerns. If they yell and scream...so what? They'll get over it.
Is this a situation you could hand off to your parents? If you're of the same mind on not having kids there, it might be easier for them to put their foot down. It's their house, their rules. If the Aunt and cousin won't back down, I might just tell them that this isn't negotiable and that if it means they can't come to the wedding, you'll miss having them there. After that, just stop talking about it.
It sounds like they might be a little interested in drama for drama's sake? If so, don't feed the drama monster with discussion anymore.
Stand your ground. Call and ask whether or not they are coming. If they start with the "we don't want to come without the kids" then just say "I'm sorry. We'll miss you." Leave it at that. You don't need to make excuses for these people.
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My fiance and I are being married on my parents farm. Due to the fact that children left unattended is an accident waiting to happen, we are having a childless wedding. Plus, our wedding doesn't start until 7 p.m. I know how some of you feel about this, but I don't want to remember my day as the day the kids got away from the parents and were trampled by livestock. (Plus, if you knew how closely my cousin's watched their kids, you would understand- they don't watch them).
My Aunt's (paternal Aunt) and her children refuse to RSVP. They are mean to my mother, ignore me, and openly criticize me when I am not present. At this point, I want to ask them all not to attend. I understand they want their children there because the kids love my parents house. The problem is which I have stated is we have limited room, and my parents will be unable to watch the children. To this, it was suggested that my MOH (sister) be in charge of the kids. ?????!!!!????!!!!
I'm so frustrated.
I don't want them there, is there anything I can do?