Cousin money vent

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

@tmsing:  Dude, I’m with you.  Actually, a relative of mine has always been getting her rent and basically everything paid for by her parents.  If I want something and I tell her about it, she nonchalantly asks me “Why don’t you just ask your mom?”  Um…because I’m an adult?

Post # 4
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@tmsing:  Honestly, its none of your business how your aunt wants to use her money. Also you dont know what kind of debt your cousin is in. Just because they make a supposed 100k a year doesnt mean that they are just barely getting buy..

Post # 5
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

$100k combined is a decent amount but not that much, really.

Also – you have the right idea with let her learn her own lessons.  As in, don’t worry about it.  You can’t stop or affect it, so just don’t think about it.  Which I know is hard because I have mooching relatives.  But you don’t know their whole situation and what they spend money on (any of them) is up to them. 

We make decent money and constantly get flak from friends/family for not spending more of it.  That’s our choice.  We don’t ask anyone for money, and when we’re retired early and comfortable, they’ll see maybe we had the right idea.

Post # 6
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Your aunt probably likes giving her daughter money. Don’t get involved.

Post # 7
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Some parents like providing for their kids, even if their kids don’t need it. I guess I don’t understand how this effects you? My mom still buys me clothes sometimes, and my husband and I make more than her. She enjoys spoiling her kids. Nothing wrong with that, if she gets something out of it!

Post # 8
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@tmsing:  This whole situation is really nothing you should concern yourself with unless you want to invite some extreme drama. 

Post # 9
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Who cares? It’s none of your business. 

Post # 10
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d stay out of it; it’s absolutely none of our business.

Post # 11
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Assuming the aunt is the mother of the cousin, it is none of your business.

You say “it really bothers him (your dad) that elder members of the family are always helping her  out“. Now I agree if equally close relatives were always helping her out, there is an issue. But if the aunt is her mother, then there is the special closeness of immediate family, and that is none of your (or your dad’s) concern.

Post # 12
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@tmsing:  It reeks of elderly abuse; i.e. your cousin is taking financial advantage of your aunt. (I noted that the aunt is taking on as a motherly figure since your cousin’s mother passed on?)

Post # 13
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Cynderbug:  Oh wait, the aunt isn’t the cousin’s mom? I see that now “(BTW cousin’s mom passed away a few years ago)”. That changes everything. Ignore my previous answer.

Yes she is taking advantage of the aunt. Does the aunt have her own children? I think someone needs to step in and offer financial advice to the aunt.

Post # 14
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

“My aunt has been giving my cousin $200 checks a month, meanwhile she has been living in the same apartment for about 40 years and will not have any money saved when she retires.”

200 x 12 = $2,400 a year; that’s a lot of money if your aunt has been writing that for years.

We don’t know if your aunt and cousin go to the bank often to make withdrawals on your aunt’s account. If so, the bank teller is obligated to find some time to question your aunt (in a friendly concerned manner, without the presence of your cousin) the relationship between them. The teller would then have to report it to the local police for them to discern whether this is an elderly abuse case.

I just hope your cousin doesn’t have any joint accounts nor Power of Attorney over your aunt’s accounts.

Post # 15
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@tmsing:  I totally understand where you’re coming from, I’d be annoyed at the cousin and concerned for the Aunt.

However, where I’m from, a combined $100k isn’t a lot of money. It’s not even enough to live comfortably in some communities around here. And that’s assuming there are no outstanding debts (even legitimate debts, like student loans) in addition to the average cost of living.

So you really don’t know how every dollar of their income is spent. While I’m not trying to imply that your cousin is barely scraping by, boo hoo for her, or that she’s a shining example of smart money management and a victim of unseen circumstances, you really can’t do anything about your cousin. She’s probably shamelessly taking advantage of your Aunt, but your Aunt has to be the one to stand up for herself. Unfortunately.

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