Cousin planned her wedding on our First Anniversary.

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve had some pretty mundane wedding aniversaries, like having to work. I wouldn’t let the anniversary bit factor into it. And needless to say, there’s nothing wrong with them marrying on your anniversary.

But if you don’t want to attend due to cost and time (for a person you and DH aren’t close to), that’s your choice. Plus, “like a family vacation” to me is a good reason NOT to go. I hate vacationing with anyone except DH and kids.

As for how to handle it… just continue to politely explain you don’t have the time or money.

Post # 7
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Jessiann79:  Keep saying No. 

I don’t think your MIL is going behind your back by talking to her son about this. If your husband really doesn’t want to go then he can continue to say no. I am sure it is annoying to be asked repeatedly but this might be important to your MIL. If you really can’t make it then no amount of persuading will get you there.

Weddings are romantic so I don’t think going would kill the mood. You both would get to dance to romantic songs, eat free food, see all of your family, and relax in a hotel away from home. Personally this seems like a great way to celebrate your One Year! Nobody can force you to go so I don’t really see the issue here.

Send your love and decline the offer when the invite arrives. Ignore MIL if/when she contacts DH and go about your normal life. 🙂 

Post # 3
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Just say you can’t afford it but if they want to stump up the money then go ahead. I doubt they’ll mention it again after that, lol.

Post # 4
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Have a talk with DH saying that this makes you feel uncomfortable and could he please tell them that you’re not going and you are not going to change your minds and would appreciate if they stop asking.

I don’t think they are going behind your back, it’s his family, they are talking to him about it. Sounds like they just think it would be fun if you all went, don’t see anything devious about that. I think you’re being a little over-sensitive about your anniversary. It’s one day, celebrate your marriage and love for each other every day… and on the trip that you already have planned. 

Post # 10
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I don’t think the anniversary thing is important. You could always celebrate on a different day. But if you already have a vacation planned or can’t afford to travel there, then that is a valid reason. 

Post # 5
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

I dont see the big deal or them going behind your back. It sounds like MIL had a chat with het son and threw out the idea of a trip.

just say no, you dont want to go on the family trip and be done.

Dont look for offence where none was intended. 

Post # 6
Member
4338 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Luckily, the in laws are talking to your DH, and not to you. Just trust your husband to disengage them. The chatter to your DH isn’t a direct attack on you, so I wouldn’t classify it as “going behind your back,” at least not intentionally to piss you off. If they are doing that for the express purpose of ruining your life, I feel sorry for them.

Post # 8
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Jessiann79:  I think you should just stress that you can’t spend the money when you’re going on an anniversary trip. I also wouldn’t be keen on a ‘family vacation’ lol just stick to your guns, and hopefully your husband is in agreeance with you and isn’t easily pursuaded!

I must say I am a stickler for not letting MIL’s or in-laws in general make all the decisions – I think once you start letting that happen its a slippery slope and you’ll be forever dealing with those sorts of situations!

Post # 9
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

An anniversary really isn’t that big of a deal and it definitely wouldn’t stop me from going to a wedding. I think it would be an awesome reminder of the day you two shared the year before. I also don’t see how it’s munipulative of your MIL to try and get her son to go to a family wedding/trip. If he wants to go you should just both go, but if he doesn’t than he should tell them that. 

Post # 11
Member
7929 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t think your anniversary should factor at all into your decision about whether or not to attend the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Make sure you and your husband are on the same page and it shouldn’t matter if they try to convince him to go. If he’s annoyed by it, he can deal with it. 

Post # 13
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with everyone else, simply stick to your script. Your resources of time and finances arent up for a family consenses.  keep it short and to the point. The timing doesnt work for us, end of story. And let your husband deal with his family, stay out of it.

Post # 15
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

1) If you don’t want to go to a wedding, you don’t have to go. Expense, distance, etc, are all valid reassons not to attend.

2) Your anniversary shouldn’t really factor in to this decision.

3) It’s not “going behind your back” for a mother to talk to her own son about a family event, or for a sister to talk to her own brother. Classifying it as “going behind your back” makes it sound like you have to be the gatekeeper of all conversation, which is weird.

4) If they are pressuring him, I’m sure he’s a big boy that can explain clearly that you all won’t be going. If not, you have other problems.

Post # 14
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sorry.. but i’d be offended if someone didn’t attend my wedding because it was on an anniversary. the bride & groom probably didn’t remember that it was your wedding anniversary. it’s really not that big of a deal.

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