Cousin set his date a week before my wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

Hi date twin 🙂 *I am getting married on the 5th as well*
I can definately see your frustration. Will there be an issue with family members having to choose what wedding they go to?

Post # 4
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@crystalxolove:  My cousin did this too (we had set our date first). Kinda sucks, but nothing you can do about it! I was pissed for about a week, but got over it. I just made sure I got my STD’s out first, and I’m hoping to get my invitations out first too 😉

Post # 5
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would try your best to approach it by giving your cousin as much credit as possible, and assume the best.  Perhaps that just is the most sensible date for them.

Do you live in the same area?  Will common family members be travelling to that area for both/either wedding(s)?

Post # 6
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@crystalxolove:  Are a lot of mutual guests having to travel for both your weddings? I was in a similar situation- my cousin got engaged a couple weeks after me and we both started planning weddings for the same month. I’ve since changed my plan, but this could very well have been us. We both felt that since at most our mutual guests would have to drive 2 hours for my wedding (hers would be local) it didn’t much matter as long as they weren’t on the same weekend. 

Post # 7
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would be upset if it was the same day, but it’s not. Family should still be able to go to both, right? Everyone already knows your date has been set for a while. I would only be upset if it conflicted with which guests could come to yours….

We are trying to pick our date now and it is sooo hard. We know we want it in spring but FI travels a lot for his job. The only weekends that he has available that the venue we want also has availalbe are verrryyy slim…and SIL’s Brother is getting married in that time frame also, so it will be hard to not set the date somehwere close to his….but no other dates work for us….if that makes sense?

 

Post # 8
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’ve read quite a few posts about people doing this to other people.  It is so rude & hurtful & I can NOT stand that this actually happens. If they want to put it right after then fine…but it seems that people always put it right before. So now everyone will be like oh we just went to a wedding last week & I feel like it takes the specialness away. I’m really sorry they did this.

Post # 9
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@crystalxolove:  While it may or may not be inconvenient for guests if people will have to travel for 2 weddings in one week, you really can’t be too upset about this.  Everyone has their own lives and timeline with getting engaged, and you don’t have more of a right to your date than your cousin does to his.  I wouldn’t focus on this and just go ahead with your date as planned.  Guests will be to both weddings if they can, and it won’t be the end of the world if some people don’t make it.

Post # 10
Member
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You CAN be angry, but it won’t help anything.  Focus on the things in your control right now– someone else’s wedding is not one of those things.  

Post # 11
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Does your cousin and your family live near where you are both getting married?  If there is no travel and it’s all local then it’s no problem.  Even if there are people traveling you share only some of the same guest list, I’m assuming you have your own friends, and an entire other side of your family to invite.  Does it suck … yes.  But what are you going to do? Demand he change the date? 

Post # 12
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I understand what you are going through.  My sister and maid-of-honor decided to get married three months after me.  My FI and I chose our date very early in our engagement (about a year ago), and the save-the-dates were sent out before she said yes to her proposal.  It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but we have some out-of-town family that can only make it to one wedding.  Best part is that her best friend got engaged three weeks ago, and is going to be married two weeks after me, so my sister will be pulled between being the MOH at her sister’s wedding, and the MOH at her BFF’s wedding two weeks apart.  

Am I frustrated a bit – absolutely!

Also take into consideration this – the only people you have to ‘worry’ about is family.  Your friends are still yours.  And when I say ‘worry’ about family, you KNOW that family will be at yours too 🙂

Take solice in the fact that your cousin will be turning to YOU for advice on how to deal with his crazy stressed-out fiance, while you will be calm and collected through all of it. 😉

Post # 13
Member
2882 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You have every right to your emotions.  If I was your cousin, I would have avoided that date thinking about the rest of the family, but likely, I wouldn’t be thinking about you in that equasion.  This is because I firmly believe that I get 1 day.  I have a large amount of cousins, and if I had to wait at least X number of days from everyone’s wedding, neither I, nor any of them, would ever get married.  We had 7 weddings in 7 months on one side of my family, and each of them was great.  Yes, it was an expensive year, but everyone who normally makes weddings made it to all of the weddings.  We have three weddings this year in my family and another friend getting married.  None of these will detract form the fact that I’m marrying a guy I love.

 

Post # 15
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I totally get it.  I got engaged 2 weeks after my cousin and even though we were hoping for a spring wedding, when my cousin picked June 1, we knew we needed to push it back to the fall.  We will have a lot of family traveling from out of town and I’m sure we’ll still have quite a few who don’t come to our wedding because they came to my cousin’s.  But my cousin got engaged first – so they get the free choice of dates as it should be.  I couldn’t imagine weddings of close relatives  being just a week apart.  Now you’re also going to be competing for guests, dates of bridal showers, etc.

I get that you only get 1 day.  But I still feel it is inconsiderate to out of town guests to have 2 weddings 1 week apart and inconsiderate to you that they have their wedding 1 week before yours, as opposed to being 1 week after.

Post # 16
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

I feel kinda bad about this, but my FI’s cousin got engaged early last Summer. Her wedding is the first week of August. I got engaged to my FI at the end of December 2013, and we booked our wedding for June 22nd, 2014. I feel kind of bad, because her immediate family all live here and she lives on the other side of the country with her FI and his side of the family, so all of her family can come to our wedding no problem, but we won’t be going to hers because of money (although they all will be, of course).

We took our date just because that’s what was available from our venue, and if we didn’t take that date then we had to take a winter wedding and for my exam schedule that just doesn’t work out, so the only option was a similar date in 2015 and I will be moving two months after that to a town 6hrs away, so it’s just too stressful for us to do it that close to moving (or at least for me, maybe other people could handle it).

That being said, our weddings are ENTIRELY different, hers is a lovely avish garden-type party in a luxurious area of town rich in culture, and mine is at a ranch and I’m less concerned with the details so mine will be much more simple.

But neither the cousin and her FI or myself and my FI will be going to each other’s weddings for money or scheduling concerns, so I kind of don’t feel that badly since my FI’s family has already responded and will be going to her wedding and so will her immediate family, so there really isn’t a big concern about people not attending her wedding for cost-related reasons as my wedding is in the same town and a month and a half before.

Still, I felt kind of badly about it 🙁 I know how hard she’s working on her wedding, like designing stuff down to scratch and maintaining all these social media sites and apps, and I’m throwing mine together totally on the fly in comparison.

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors