Post # 1
After poking through this board, I have decided there are some lovely people here who might know how to handle my situation better than me — so here it goes. Please bear with me, this post is a little long. 🙂
One year ago, I found out my boyfriend and I of 18 months were pregnant — surprise! We announced it to our families, only to miscarry twelve weeks in. One month after our announcement (still pregnant at that point), Cousin announces she is pregnant by the man she just started dating. This didn’t bother me at the time, nor did it bother me after my miscarriage.
Three months ago, Boyfriend and I bought a house together. Two months ago, Cousin decides to begin house-hunting. The only reason they haven’t gotten a house is because of finance issues. Still didn’t bother me, didn’t think anything of it.
Since buying a house, it’s been no secret Boyfriend and I have been tossing around the idea of marriage. We haven’t made our engagement official yet, but it’s an assumed thing among our families. A couple weeks ago I was discussing good dates for weddings at with female family members at family gathering. I determined May was my ideal month, and assuming our savings were on target, 2013 would be nice but I hate 13 so maybe 2014 (superstitious of me but oh well).
Two nights ago, Cousin e-mails me to announce she has just been proposed to and asks if I want to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I politely declined but made sure to tell her if she needed help with anything, I’d be more than willing. I asked if they’d set a date yet. She said May 2013.
I’m hurt and upset. What I thought to be coincidental events (the pregnancy, house-hunting, becoming engaged, and now a May 2013 wedding) no longer seems so innocuous. How do I approach my cousin about her apparent determination to share — even steal — important moments of my life?
Post # 3
Is it the same date exactly? And have you officially set a date and put down deposits etc?
Post # 4
@eeniebeans: Nothing is set in stone. I’ve only mentioned I want to get married in May, and I was all for 2013. She hasn’t given me details on her wedding beyond it’s in May. I don’t think either of us has done extensive planning at this point.
Post # 5
Your wedding is TWO YEARS AWAY. She isn’t stealing your date – you are just planning so far in advance that of course the most popular month is booking up.
Also, she’s following the logical, well-worn path of buying a place after being pregnant, and wanting to be married to the guy she is having a baby with. She isn’t copying you or stealing anything from you. It isn’t a unique process.
Post # 6
Honestly, I think you need to let this go. I don’t think you can say that she’s stealing important events in your life. I don’t think she planned on getting pregnant and the house hunting and engagement are just coincidences. She is officially engaged and she wants to get married in May. You are not yet engaged (even though you say it’s a sure thing), and you’re still debating on which year to get married. Until you have a date set in stone, I don’t think you can get mad at her for wanting to get married the same month as you.
Post # 7
Well, then you have the opportunity to adjust your plans. It may be annoying to you, but at least you don’t have everything booked and paid for. I would let her set her date and then figure out if you even want to have your wedding close to hers.
Post # 8
you have not actually decided on the date so i feel she didnt steal anything – sorry but she got in first while you were still deciding between 2013 or 2014.
you “determined May was your ideal month” and i guess so did she. she shouldnt be expected to put her life on hold for you
Post # 9
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery.
Very annoying tho!
How close are you two?
If you two are close, talk to her, find out the of why she is doing this.
Way too many occurrences to be just coincidence.
Has she always been so competitive with you? Or is she just going through some sort of phase?
Post # 10
This is what happens when people grow up. They get have babies, get married, buy a house. (Not everyone, but you get what I’m saying). You said you and your boyfriend have been “tossing around the idea of marriage” – that the engagement isn’t even official yet. I think you should give your cousin a little slack. If I was grumpy about all the friends/family members that chose to get married, have kids, buy a house around the same time as me – I’d be one miserable lady. 🙂
Post # 11
You didn’t officially announce a date so she didn’t “steal” it. You can get married in the same month. If you really want to get married in May find out when she’s getting married and plan yours 2 weeks around hers. Why don’t you just get married may 2014 since you just said ’13 was unlucky?
Post # 12
@Happy Hopeful Bee: We used to be very close, but the older we got the more distance there was. We are always at family gatherings together, but we haven’t had a one-on-one chat in a good year or two. She’s never seemed particularly competetive.
Post # 13
I don’t think she’s copying you. I kind of feel like something has to be unique to be copied and getting pregnant, buying a house and getting married in May aren’t really unique, they’re things thousands of people do. Also, I don’t think she can steal a date from someone who isn’t engaged. I hope things work out and your bond grows stronger as you both plan your weddings and celebrate together!
Post # 14
This is not stealing you wedding date.
I would let it go, OP.
Post # 15
I don’t think that your cousin stole anything from you, and it’s slightly absurd to suggest that she got pregnant and started planning her life to imitate you. Maybe by the time your boyfriend proposes, you’ll have a new time frame for your wedding already. Please spend this energy being concerned with your life, and let her live hers.
Why did you decline her invitation to be in her wedding party?
Post # 16
While it is a bit odd that all of these things happened at the same time I don’t think you can say that she’s stealing your wedding date.
You have not booked anything or set a date. She is not stealing your wedding date.