Post # 1
My cousin’s wedding is tomorrow and we found out yesterday that FI is going to have to work Monday. Originally he was suppose to have the day off, so we cancelled our hotel room (we had 24 hours to do so without having to pay). Anyway, I told my mom that we’d have to be leaving early so FI could make it to work and I guess she told my aunt who in turn told my cousin. Now, cousin’s wedding is 3 1/2 hours away, and her wedding is at 6:30 and goes until 12:00. We are planning on leaving around 9:30-10:00 so we can get home at a reasonable hour. Now, I know it isn’t ideal, but I figured it is better that we go and stay for as long as we can instead of not going at all. However, my cousin got upset and called me asking me why we thought that it was okay to just “stay for dinner”.I guess the ceremony is going to last an hour 6:30-7:30, then there will be a “cocktail hour” from 7:30-8:30, then dinner from 8:30-9:30, and first dances/cake cutting from 9:30-10:00. She was upset because I was going to miss the bouquet toss because I was one of the few “single ladies” at her wedding. (I didn’t tell her that I didn’t plan on participating anyway). I understand that this is a stressful time for her, but FI’s job is more important than her wedding to us. Sorry if that is harsh, and I certainly didn’t tell her that, but he’s being groomed for leadership, and when your boss tells you he needs you to come in and help with a $6,000,000 contract, you DONT say no! Luckily he doesn’t have to be in until 8:00, so getting in at 1:00-1:30 will still give him some time to get sleep. (Ideally we’d probably want to be home around 12:00, but that just wouldn’t work.)
But yeah, my cousinis upset and says that she feels like we’re just coming to get free food and that she is deeply hurt by my lack of respect. I just let her bitch at me as I figured anything I said would fall on deaf ears, but seriously… we’re making a 7 hour round trip just to go to her wedding and we’ll be there for 3-3 1/2 hours.If we wanted “free food” there are cheaper ways of getting it than spending $60 on the tank of gas it’ll take to get there. We’ll be missing the dancing part of the wedding, and the bouquet/garter toss, but we’ll be there for a lot of the other things. *Sigh* I’m just feeling like a horrible person but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. People leave before the dancing part ALL the time I thought. *Sigh* I just needed to vent.
Post # 3
@GamersBride: She’s being unreasonable.
She decided to have a Sunday wedding, one of the consequences of that decision is that some people may need to leave early. The whole purpose of the day is the ceremony, and you’re driving 7 hrs round trip to be there with them for that.
The reception is their “thank you” for attending, so if you are unable to partake fully of their “thank-you” to you, then it should be your problem and not theirs.
Hopefully one day soon she’ll feel embarassed by her behavior, because calling you and berating you is simply inappropriate.
Post # 4
@GamersBride: I would be beyond happy that you were planning on making the 3 1/2 drive both ways just to make it to my wedding for any amount of time. Not everyone has the luxury of having Monday off. The whole world doesn’t shut down because its Memorial Day. The wedding is about joining two people together (the ceremony) which you’ll be there for. It isn’t about the dancing and dinner.
Post # 5
I think it’s very nice of you to go for what you can. Life happens, people have to work, she’ll get over it.
FWIW, I hate bouquet/garter tosses too. Your cousin will get over it.
Post # 6
@GamersBride: she’s being a brat. i don’t think it’s right to blame that on “stress”. i think she’s just being unfair and irrational.
i get the reason why she’s having a memorial day weekend wedding, but there’s a number of people who still work around the holiday so she needs to get over it AND take the hit with having a wedding on a sunday – especially such a late one… jeez. 6:30?
you are completely justified. let it go and just do what you need to do.
Post # 7
Holy cow!! Your cousin is delusional.. If my cousin accused me of just coming for “free food” I’d tell her to suck it. Srsly. First, why is she having her wedding on a Sunday? Why is she having it on a holiday weekend – inconveniencing her guests and relatives who’d rather do something else with their long weekend?! Why is she assuming EVERYONE has Monday off from work? Why is she acting like the reception Is more important than the ceremony that you’ll be attending? And why the hell is everything so late in the damn day! It’s Sunday for crying out loud?!
Your a saint for handling this they way you are.. But I’d seriously consider just not going at all.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs, she should not be upset about this, she should be grateful! You are being very kind and going for what you can!
Post # 9
Ugh. Hopefully it’s just the stress and she’ll get over it soon. Are you really close. Are you IN the wedding party? I imagine I’d be upset if my sister or any of my best friends did this, but that’s about it really. And they all live within 30 minutes of me.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
What a brat.
can your hubby sleep in the car ok? (I know it’s not as good as regular sleep.) But I might think about staying until 11 and drive home while he sleeps. Not to bow to your crazy cousin’s wishes, but just to participate more. But whatever you choose is more than enough and your cousin is cray-cray.
Post # 11
One of the many consequences of a sunday wedding. Leaving at 10 is pretty early, I probably wouldve stayed until at least 11 & let fi sleep in the car. But she is being incredibly rude, you can leave whenever you want.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies for letting me vent, your comments are making me feel a LOT better!
@Bubbles42: We’re not really close. We see each other 2-3 times a year (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas) typically, and then on special occassions such as weddings or graduations or baby showers as they come up. I’m also not in the wedding, I’m literally just a guest.
@lolot: Sadly FI gets really bad car sickness and if he tries to close his eyes in car it gets really bad. He’s tried those motion sickness things, but they just don’t work (according to him). His car sickness is so bad that if he isn’t the one driving he’ll have to spend the entire ride in an uncomfortable state.
Post # 13
I had a Sunday wedding, and granted it was not on a holiday weekend, but all my guests had gone home by 10pm. And I expected that because I chose to have my wedding on a Sunday! I think if she’s going to have a melt down over this, there’s nothing you can do to stop her. I wouldn’t worry about it, personally. She’s probably just stressing out and disappointed that you will be leaving early and expressing that as anger. She will get over it after the wedding is done.
Post # 14
Yeah I’m hoping it’s just the pre-wedding stress then and she gets over it fast. For the record, I LOATHE the boquet toss, and if you’re engaged with a date set, why would you be there to catch it.
Post # 15
Gah, I hate it when brides insist on doing the bouquet toss even in the face of a complete lack of interest from their guests. But I say that as someone who’s been frantically dragged up to bouquet tosses I was intentionally avoiding… more than once, haha.
Also, the idea that weddings are in any way “free food” for guests is just ridiculous.
Post # 16
@Bubbles42: Exactly! I’ll be married in 8 weeks, so first off, I don’t consider myself a “single” lady, and secondly, I don’t need to catch a bouquet to know that I will be the next to get married (at least in the family), and finally, around here the guy who catches the garter is suppose to put it on the girl who catches the bouquet. I would NOT be comfortable with another guy putting a garter on me if I were to catch it. If both people are single (and I mean not in a relationship) then okay, but as an engaged-to-be-married-lady, that is crossing the line. To me at least.